[rainbow8]

I feel like people here think SE, somatic experiencing, and the hand holding my T does with me, is wrong or is going to backfire on me. But no one will post that. Is it because that kind of therapy is unusual, or has anyone had bad experiences with it?

Reading posts about how Ts can not make up what we missed make me wonder. Is my T naive? She truly, honestly believes, not that she can do over my past, but that she can calm my nervous system and enable new neural pathways to form in my brain. She says we are working on my attachment issues in this way. Holding my hand is the link to the change in my case. T says she is not going anywhere and she cares deeply for me, and says she's giving me love, as in the book, Love 2.0. Did anyone read it?

My T lets me pay less than half her normal fee now, she's not in it for the money. I feel that it's working so I shouldn't care what others think. I just feel like a freak and feel alone because hardly anyone comments on the kind of therapy I do.

[nicoleflynn]

I am not familiar with that, but whatever is working for you....let it work and don't be concerned about what anyone else thinks....I don't see anything wrong with hand holding; it is a well-known fact that touch is healing.

There is an article by the Zur Institute about how we as a society have sexualized touch and so afraid to touch

[JustShakey]

My T hugs me at the end of every session for pretty much the same reasons your T holds your hand - he has said as much, and he tells me to pay attention to how I feel when he hugs me. I haven't read Love 2.0, but I did read A General Theory of Love, which I think says much the same thing. It has been proven that new neural pathways form in the brain with new experience.
Of course there are risks, but that is true of any relationship. It takes a skilled T to manage the right level of closeness. They need to be very attuned to themselves that they don't try to give more than they are capable of. But we need to be able to trust in their skills too. It's not easy, not easy at all, but it is worth it.

[Ellahmae]

My T is a neuro-psychologist as part of her many certifications/trainings/titles/whatever you call em and she firmly believes that she can also help calm my nervous system that is out of control and create new neural pathways as well.

We do it in different ways other than touch because well, that's her and I have problems with touch right now - we have talked about SE for the future. I know for a fact that my T is not naive and has had a lot of success with this type of therapy with her other clients because she used to talk about it until I asked her to refrain.

I have Love 2.0 but haven't started it yet - I'm knee deep in T assigned reading right now. I see her 2x a week I only pay for one a week visits because she genuinely cares & wants me to know she's there no matter when or what. I don't know if others think this is wrong or not or building an unhealthy relationship or not. (and I try to refrain from caring)

I'm only 1 of 3 non-family/couples/marriage trauma clients she sees at the present. She never has more than that because of the types of 'needs' we have and the extra 'time' we take.

I don't know if that made any sense or not or helped you out but that's my .53 cents on the topic

[ThisWayOut]

I agree. If it's working for you, then good. Just because something works for "everyone else" doesn't mean it will fit your needs, and vise-versa.

I think people put too much stock in what everyone else thinks/does. We are all individuals.

If you feel that it is weird though, and want to talk to T about it, there's nothing wrong with that either. I know I have been all about a certain approach, but ended up with questions mid-way through. Talking about it, I found I already had my opinion, but I was too stuck on outside opinions which were cauing anxiety around it. I talked it through and found it really was the right approach... Similarly, I caved to DBT more than once because the people I was in treatment with were so convinced it was the greatest approach to deal with my issues. I put too much stock in their opinion against my better judgement, and it made me worse. DBT is wonderful and helpful to a lot of people, but it ****s me up. So I don't listen when they insist I try it again.

It can be difficult to ignore the doubt others share with us, but if something works (or doesn't work) for you, and you know it, then go with that knowledge.

Yours is not one of the instances that bothers me. I can think of at least 3 here on pc that have blown back on the individual and caused a lot of emotional harm. They've been very open about it. You've seen your therapist a number of years (if I've got that right) and you've shared progress.

Don't worry about what others think. Be glad you have a therapist that works in a way you benefit from.

[unaluna]

My t says he has heard there is a lot of anti-t sentiment on this site. Well, the ts dont do "the work"; they dont have to change; we do, presuming we go to them because we are unhappy.

My t told me YEARS ago to block a certain person from calling me. My old phone wouldnt allow me to. My new phone, now two years old, does. I finally took his advice on this, maybe six months ago? I told him this week that i wished i had followed his advice a lot sooner, it has changed my life. Should i now blame him for not insisting, for not convincing me? Did i give him power by admitting that, oh no!! Thats what some of the anti-t rants here sound like to me. Its not a partnership, its a tug-o-war. Working with a t should be a partnership. You are there to figure out why it is so hard to trust them, but the specific t usually is not the problem - they are generic placeholders for our transferential blamings.

Maybe I've missed it, but I don't remember anyone here saying your T's use of SE is wrong for you. In fact, it seems like most have been very complimentary of the strides you've made, particularly in the last year with this therapist. I suspect SE is not a type of therapy many people know much about; thus, they don't comment much because they just don't know enough to feel comfortable making comments.

[JaneTennison1]

I don't know much about it but if it works for you and doesn't hurt you then where is the harm in trying it? Just because something doesn't work for others doesn't mean it doesn't work for you.

Everyone's journey is different but the goal is the same.

[peaches100]

Hi Rainbow,

I think my reply in the C-PTSD thread has made you feel uneasy and afraid (or at least has added to it!!!) PLEASE don't let what is going on with me and my t make you doubt the progress you are making with your t!! I think you are making very good progress with your t!

Also, I agree that everybody is different. . .what works for one patient doesn't work for another patient. We're all unique, and our needs are unique. It makes sense that we would each need a little different approach.

I was in a horrible mood yesterday and was very negative in my post. But my rant about the situation my t and I are dealing with regarding attachment applies mainly to my situation, my feelings, etc. There are other like me, who feel they are too needy, and who have struggled in the t relationship for reasons like I stated in my post. But not everybody's experience is like mine.

Many t's and patients CAN come to a mutual agreeable as to how much contact and support, and what kind of contact and support, are needed by the patient and possible for the t to offer. I know of several people on PC who have therapists who are open to allowing more contact and support, as well as touch, and they seem to be benefitting very well from it. You are one of them! My concern isn't for patients like you who have more support, contact, and touch and are doing well because of it.

My concern is for patients who have very kind, well meaning therapists who want to provide support and corrective experiences to heal the wounds of their patients. . .but don't realize until later that it requires more time, energy, and comfort than they initially realized would be necessary. So at some point, they begin to feel burdened or fatigued, or to question whether providing so much support in the first place was a good idea. If they find it necessary to put stricter boundaries in place and reduce their support, it can really hurt and damage a patient who has come to rely on that support, and who already feels bad about themselves for being too needy.

Please don't overthink your situation, Rainbow! You and your t are doing awesome work!

I'm sorry if my post triggered you!

Peaches

[StillIRise]

If it works for you and you are comfortable doing it then forget what anyone else thinks. Is it harming you? Or is it helping you? If the latter then who cares, you're not a freak, we all work differently and if you've found something that works for you, then all power to you!

[stopdog]

What difference does it make what others think if it is working for you? I don't in general find anything wrong with general touch if both parties are willing to engage in it. I don't like my hands held by anyone. I don't want the therapist to touch me because I cannot imagine why it would be useful for me for her to do so. But if a therapist touching someone else helps them, then great for them.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

T says she is not going anywhere

This is what worries me a lot about many people's therapists. No therapist can really guarantee they will be around until the "work" is done, whatever that means anyway. I don't think therapists should say things like this because no one knows what the future holds. She might mean well, but in reality anything could happen and she could leave or whatever and not be there anymore and then what? I don't know. Life is pain I guess and not much else.

I do think you seem to be doing much better and I am glad for that. She does seem to truly care.

[RedSun]

What Hankster said. And StillIRise. Etc.
Humans are so unique, treatment plans must also be unique! Fab!
It's true about the neural pathways too, I've just been to some really interesting lectures and seminars on it. Though my ipad wants to say semi arse, and I think maybe it knows best. Xx

Originally Posted by hankster

My t says he has heard there is a lot of anti-t sentiment on this site. Well, the ts dont do "the work"; they dont have to change; we do, presuming we go to them because we are unhappy.

My t told me YEARS ago to block a certain person from calling me. My old phone wouldnt allow me to. My new phone, now two years old, does. I finally took his advice on this, maybe six months ago? I told him this week that i wished i had followed his advice a lot sooner, it has changed my life. Should i now blame him for not insisting, for not convincing me? Did i give him power by admitting that, oh no!! Thats what some of the anti-t rants here sound like to me. Its not a partnership, its a tug-o-war. Working with a t should be a partnership. You are there to figure out why it is so hard to trust them, but the specific t usually is not the problem - they are generic placeholders for our transferential blamings.

I hope you know I like you ( ) but this sounds very much like blaming the client when things go wrong.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

This is what worries me a lot about many people's therapists. No therapist can really guarantee they will be around until the "work" is done, whatever that means anyway. I don't think therapists should say things like this because no one knows what the future holds. She might mean well, but in reality anything could happen and she could leave or whatever and not be there anymore and then what? I don't know. Life is pain I guess and not much else.

Thats a good question, "and then what?" Some of us who see our ts as our mothers WANT them to leave! So the stmt "im not going anywhere" is not so much a promise as it is a conversation starter. Different people have different reactions to it. My t is still waiting for me to show some tiny little sign of sadness that he is going on vacation. But for me, there is this pavlovian response of glee if he just pulls out the appointment book.

[stopdog]

I suggest not taking anything a therapist says as a promise. If a therapist says they are not leaving - the best it can be is that they have no active plans at the moment to do so.

This is one one the most "we adore therapist" sites I have ever read. Good lord, there is more therapist fawning going on here than possibly even in therapy school. And as for changing - no one has to do so, and from my experience a good number of the therapists should.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

I hope you know I like you ( ) but this sounds very much like blaming the client when things go wrong.

You and i are friends but now i feel kinda bad for saying "a certain person" instead of "my crazy-***** mother" cuz i feel like it coulda made a difference in your response? I felt like it was a no-win situation, but he saw a solution. I feel so much better, not waiting for that sword to swing back over my head. I dont see where you think he is blaming me?

[Petra5ed]

I don't see a problem with your therapy at all. I've actually read about the whole developing new neural pathways theory, and also about how touch releases oxytocin. I think it's possible combining safe touch with processing bad memories could re-write them to be a little less bad over time.

My only concern with your therapist was the inconsistency. It bothered me she allowed the hand holding, then took it away, then allowed it again. It probably was just her figuring it out, but I felt for you because I would have been upset by that.

My therapist doesn't hold my hand, but I've never requested that either. We do hug, and I think it's been beneficial for me. A couple times he's let me cry on his shoulder when I was feeling very upset, it was really comforting for me. I would say I wanted him to hold my hand even if I wasn't so self-conscious about my hands and in general.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by stopdog

This is one one the most "we adore therapist" sites I have ever read. Good lord, there is more therapist fawning going on here than possible even in therapy school.

I by the way, completely agree with this. I don't get the comments about this being an anti-T or T bashing site at all. Sure some of us share bad experiences on here, but that doesn't make the whole forum therapist-bashing. IMHO when a therapist is bashed on here there is usually good reason for it.

Originally Posted by hankster

You and i are friends but now i feel kinda bad for saying "a certain person" instead of "my crazy-***** mother" cuz i feel like it coulda made a difference in your response? I felt like it was a no-win situation, but he saw a solution. I feel so much better, not waiting for that sword to swing back over my head. I dont see where you think he is blaming me?

No. I didn't mean he was blaming you. I'm not sure what I meant. LOL. Sorry. I think I misunderstood you. Ugh. I need to just shut up sometimes. Sorry.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I by the way, completely agree with this. I don't get the comments about this being an anti-T or T bashing site at all. Sure some of us share bad experiences on here, but that doesn't make the whole forum therapist-bashing. IMHO when a therapist is bashed on here there is usually good reason for it.

I can ask him more about where this stmt came from. I didnt really follow up on it when he said it because i didnt particularly agree with him. I figured if the ts are butthurt, they can talk about it in their own forum. I think i can get a witness that i dont bash him here - much!

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by hankster

I can ask him more about where this stmt came from. I didnt really follow up on it when he said it because i didnt particularly agree with him. I figured if the ts are butthurt, they can talk about it in their own forum. I think i can get a witness that i dont bash him here - much!

He's not the first therapist I've heard of who thought that or said that. Someone else mentioned their therapist thought the forum was literally to vent about our dissatisfaction with our therapists. I just was surprised, I mean most of us (probably you included) just worship the ground our therapist's walk on. I see the whole forum being more about our need to profess our love for our therapists than anything else, LOL.

SE really makes sense to me, I trialled a new T this week who does body work. I've read your posts about your therapy with interest and I think it has the potential to be great therapy for me.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Red75

Though my ipad wants to say semi arse, and I think maybe it knows best. Xx

ROTFL!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk