Jealous of others with my T. in public

My T. texted me a lot while my mom was sick/died and a little afterwards. Told me to text anytime, etc. I even asked her over for a glass of wine and she said sounds relaxing but she had to go out of town - not, sorry I'm your T. Then, as therapy went on and my transference developed, she stopped responding as much. She said she can understand grief through texting but was afraid she would misunderstand other feelings I'm communicating and feels it should be said in session. She does not email. Because of the texting frequency, it was as if we were friends. I even brought it up and she said she only texts with a few clients but text anytime. So, I told her I felt she pushed me away and didn't like the new boundaries. We discussed it multiple times.

So, I spent the next few months telling myself that we won't be friends and all the reasons it's ok: I'll probably tell her more, she wouldn't be the same outside therapy, it would taint our relationship, etc. Then, one session she says she's a good friend and fun. I asked why in the world would she tell me that when we can't be friends. She said well we are in the hour a week we meet. I was mad for two days at least. I consulted another T. around that time who knows her regarding my transference and she said I should tell her about the friend comment but I didn't. I was afraid it would push her away and deep down maybe I liked that she felt that way.

Last week and other times I have run into her at a restaurant or other public places. We live in a small town. I've only SEEN her with her family but I've seen her car other times. It's never bothered me until now. I'm worried I would see her with someone I know and be completely jealous of their time together. I recently found out an old friend sees her and I was so angry/jealous/upset worrying that their relationship was how ours used to be. we discussed it but it still bothers me. I even said I didn't want her texting this friend. I was on a role of expressing my anger so she didn't respond. she did tell me they wouldn't be having lunch or any sleepovers.

So, when I saw her car recently my heart sank. I thought what if she's with one of my friends or someone I know. I would melt. I really don't want to feel this way and am trying to figure out why it's changed. Maybe because I'm more attached to her? I want to view her like any other doctor or when I see some of my friends out - I'm not jealous. I think that when she and I had the fun texting relationship, I felt special so it didn't matter if she did things with anyone else. I told her I try to tell myself she doesn't have any friends. She said really she only has 2 and I know that from years ago when she said the same thing.

I'm trying to think of what to tell myself to get this to pass. I'm worried if I talk to her about it, she'll definitely not text me anymore in the future or make comments that seem to express how she feels. I guess I hope that when the transference passes, we can go back to the way it was. perhaps by then I won't even want/need it.

I have to go to bed now but just wanted you to know that, though the details are different, I have the same kind of feelings and situations with my T. Not seeing her in public, but friend vs T confusion because my T is informal and friendly.

Sorry you are going through this. My T is always pretty formal, and we don't have out of session contact, we are in no way friends, but I know I have some element of jealousy when I think of other clients, I think it relates to wanting to be 100% accepted by her.

I understand. The jealousy, the neediness.
Thankfully I live in a big city so the chances of me running into my therapist are slim (yet I do fantasize about running into her, just to see what she's like "in real life").

Maybe it would be better if you didn't text so much? That's why it would be good for you to tell her about this. Of course, you don't want the texting to stop, it's understandable. But maybe it would be better in the long run?

She stopped the texting last July. Now it's only for appointments. I'm just still hurt by it and don't want to be.

I'm thankful I've never felt any jealousy over other clients, and I've run into some....I'd actually love to meet them and compare therapy notes! LOL Chances of running into T in public in this big city are slim, but if I did....I honestly don't know how I'd react. I know I'd run up and say hi.....I've told her so. She made sure I knew that I would need to make the first move in that situation.

Sorry for what you're going through. I'd go ahead and talk over EVERYTHING with T. Either she gets it or doesn't. You can't really go on keeping everything bottled up inside.

I'm actually not jealous of other therapy clients except for an old "frienemeny". LOL I'm more jealous of others who I might know doing anything with her. I've seen her out in public a lot and know we know the same people. I wish it was like my other friends - not jealous if I see friends together with friends. I guess I'm just jealous because I can't have it. Someone reminded me that I probably have a unique relationship with her due to the transference. And, that her "friends" probably don't have the same deep relationship we do.

I guess I didn't feel jealous in the past because we texted a lot and I felt "special" due to it. I don't know. And, I'm somewhat tired of talking to her about it. I don't want to annoy her. Doesn't jealousy come out of feeling insecure in a relationship? My current husband was the first man I dated and didn't feel jealous. If I had seen him at lunch with another woman, it wouldn't have phased me. And, I feel it's because I am very secure with him and trust him.

Like you said in regards to your husband, I wonder if your feelings towards your T are because of your insecurities with your relationship with her? Maybe if you felt more confident with how she felt about you it would help diffuse some of your jealousies?
I think that's the case with me, but although I feel pretty confident in how my T feels towards me, I still get jealous, and she knows it, but I'm just still to embarrassed to go thru the details with her,yet.