[musinglizzy]

My T and I have been bickering a bit back and forth via Email since Thursday, so today's session, I thought, would be an important one. 15 minutes in (when I'm just getting warmed up), her phone rings. "I HAVE to take this call, I'm sorry." She was on the phone just shy of 1o minutes with her daughter's doctor. I don't care WHO she was on the phone with, family, another client, or her accountant for all I care. What bothers me is that....I'm her last session, and I was sure she'd just make up that 10 minutes at the end. NOPE. She kicked me out of there at my regular ending time. I walked right past her, out the door, and somewhat slammed it behind me. I'm quite sure the session will be billed as a full session. I didn't have time to talk to her about it, again, I just figured she'd make the time up at the end. But she knows I'm p*ssed I'm sure.....

She always hugs me at the end of a session, and I always thank her before I leave. Today, I just kept walkin' and said "see ya!"

[ThisWayOut]

That's really ******. I'm sorry. I would be pissed too...

[justdesserts]

Has this happened before? Is this a habit for her? Regardless, I'd be angry about the lost time and the pure rudeness of the interruption, too. I'd make sure to talk to her about it as soon as you have the chance, even if it meant calling her.

[SkyscraperMeow]

This isn't a therapy issue. This is a services rendered issue. You were well within your rights to say "our time has not come to an end as you used part of it for your personal matters. I expect your bill to reflect that."

You are still within your rights to email your therapist and inform her that you are not pleased with the service you have received for the reasons above.

However, walking out, slamming doors, being snarky with your T, what is the point of any of that?

Also, bickering via email between sessions sound unprofessional.

Honestly, this sounds like boundaries are being crossed and the therapeutic relationship has given way to a dysfunctional friendship.

[unaluna]

My t had to keep reminding me that he is not my mother, and he is not LIKE my mother, and he will not treat me like my mother treats me.

In this scenario, if for some reason he couldnt make up the time at the end of the hour, he now would tell me we would make it up at a later session. But it took a while for me to develop that trust in him and not make negative assumptions and get mad at him first.

So for me, now that i read the other posts, yeah i see this purely as a transference issue. Wheres my freud emoticon??

Did you consider speaking up at the end and reminding her that you should still have 10 more minutes? Perhaps it just slipped her mind at the end and a reminder would have been all it took. She might have agreed and stayed longer or suggested she'd make it up to you in a future session or through a change in the amount she billed. Have to learn to ask for what you need right when you need it assertively. Just a thought.

[musinglizzy]

I understand things like this come up. Believe me, I understand all about waiting for doctors to call back. I didn't have a chance to bring it up. I had finally disclosed some things important, and all of a sudden she says our time is up, she has to run. A
The bickering was about, as I posted before, she thinks love is a requirement in therapy or it's a lost cause. I will ring it up to her, yes,when I am not so distraught. The door closed behind me harder than I expected it to, perhaps I should have peeked I. And apologized for that. I'll give ya that much. But hugs are not a requirement.

[PaulaS]

I can understand this situation. I think I could have done something similar even as I´d know the "most adult" or "wise" thing to do had been to discuss the matter right away. I don´t know if your T has acted like this before but you have the right to claim her complete presence when in session anyhow.

If the call was an emergency call which it seems it could have been, there´s a reason to "forgive" or "excuse" her but only if she takes responsibility for her actions. That could have been done by, as you said, extending your session at the end or offering you a longer session next time.

Even if some might think of actions as slamming doors as a bit childish, I think these actions could be somewhat powerful anyway. Your T surely noticed the large shift in your way to behave when leaving her office. Sometimes people react more to this than just talk and I´m sure she got you were upset.

How are you going to proceed, are you going to call her or just wait until the next session? I feel for you as I know how painful conflicts like this can be, when you don´t know how the other person will act or what he or she thinks.

[unaluna]

[Soccer mom]

I think it was even harder on you since she had to cancel your session last week. I think you'll have to talk to her about this in person. Hang in there. Ruptures are hard but she cares about you.

[SnakeCharmer]

Removed because it was not a good post, not supportive. Sorry.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks all. This isn't necessarily normal for her, no. She's taken a call from her daughter before. She's also walked out of my session to talk to her daughter in the waiting room. Other than that, and today's doctor phone call, nothing else like this has happened in almost 9 months of seeing her.

I guess I was a bit blindsided...and didn't mention staying later. She said "I gotta fly!" That told me there would BE no staying over.... usually by the end of session I had some sort of shut down. This time, I was just getting warmed up. I try, I really do. Sometimes it's hard to talk about things. In the beginning, she asked me more than once if my mom abused me. I said no. She's now learning that's not the case. I apologized to her today for lying about that, and she said really, it's not lying, I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Some of the things I've had to say are utterly crazy, maybe even sick. But she's right, I already had one abuser I was willing to talk about, my mom, I was protecting her for some reason, in some ways. So finally, she had me engaged in conversation, disclosing things I never thought I would.....this is the first time I've mentioned some of these things ever. And then BOOM. Done. Typically she has to leave exactly on time because she has to pick up her daughter from school. But her daughter was home today. I felt very uncomfortable sitting in there while she was talking about personal matters concerning her daughter. Meds, treatments, etc. I almost went out to the waiting room to wait for her to be done, and give her privacy, but I was afraid she'd take that the wrong way. So I stayed, and tried hard not to listen, instead, to try to think hard about what I was going to talk about when she got off the phone. I'm not usually one to show ANY anger or frustration emotion at all. of course, I feel guilty about it, but I'm still quite hurt.

[musinglizzy]

SnakeCHarmer, what do you mean? No, her daughter isn't dying. She had an allergic reaction to a medication last week and is getting better. It was just an update, and discussing a new therapist for her.

I DO care. What don't I care about? I care if someone doesn't feel good, sure. I care that she's worried, sure. And like I said, I know all about waiting for dr.s to call back. Believe me, I've been there. Wait all day, and they call back at the most inconvenient time. So I've gotten to the point of giving them time spans. Like if I have a T appt, I say I can't talk from this time to this time. I get done at 2:50, and I am her last session of the day. She could, perhaps, have asked them to call her no earlier than 3. Maybe I'm asking too much, but at $150 per session, I ought to get every minute, dont' you think?

I think this is pretty much in keeping with everything you've shared about your therapist, so it might be that you'll need to come to terms with whether or not this is a good thing for you.

[musinglizzy]

I've been questioning.

[stopdog]

I don't think your reaction means you don't care. Good lord - just because a client does not like their time being interrupted and paid for time the therapist spent on something else means that client is a bad person. It does not matter what the other thing is - the client gets to have their feelings (even if someone else deems them the wrong ones) and gets to tell the therapist about it. Therapy is the place one gets to have and express feelings that are not the nice ones.

[SnakeCharmer]

musinglizzy, my post was not supportive. I apologize for my comment. I actually came back to ask a moderator to remove it and saw you had responded. Sorry.

[AllHeart]

I can't get past the fact that T brings her daughter to work with her. That is really disturbing to me on a few different levels.

Anyway, sorry the session did not go well for you. I know that emergency phone calls can occur, but I can't see where this call taken by your T could be considered an emergency. And to take up almost 10 minutes of your 50 minute session without offering to make up for it? It's unfortunate your T acted extremely unprofessional today. She owes you an apology. If she doesn't bring up the lost time herself, you need to ask her if she billed you for the time. If she did, she needs to figure out when she is going to make it up to you.

[Crescent Moon]

I would be very upset.

#1. If she is expecting a call about an urgent matter, she should tell you at the very beginning and apologize for the potential intrusion. If she is not expecting an urgent call, her phone should be OFF!

#2. If there is a 10 min interruption of your session, she should be apologizing profusely and give you at least 10 min. longer. Dang... 10 min in the middle? I don't think she should have charged you at all!

Grrrr

My therapist and I had a period of time where I had to get her to turn her phone off. It took a while for her to really get it. I think it would have happened a lot quicker if I'd known how to do it Stopdog style.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

My T and I have been bickering a bit back and forth via Email since Thursday, so today's session, I thought, would be an important one. 15 minutes in (when I'm just getting warmed up), her phone rings. "I HAVE to take this call, I'm sorry." She was on the phone just shy of 1o minutes with her daughter's doctor. I don't care WHO she was on the phone with, family, another client, or her accountant for all I care. What bothers me is that....I'm her last session, and I was sure she'd just make up that 10 minutes at the end. NOPE. She kicked me out of there at my regular ending time. I walked right past her, out the door, and somewhat slammed it behind me. I'm quite sure the session will be billed as a full session. I didn't have time to talk to her about it, again, I just figured she'd make the time up at the end. But she knows I'm p*ssed I'm sure.....

She always hugs me at the end of a session, and I always thank her before I leave. Today, I just kept walkin' and said "see ya!"

I'd be flaming pissed and would start talking about the first second of my next session - although I'd probably send a pissy text between now and then.

Smoke out of my ears.....

[musinglizzy]

THank you.
SnakeCharmer, your post wasn't THAT bad. I just wasn't sure how I was supposed to perceive it. It seemed supportive, but then I thought maybe you were being sarcastic. That's why I asked for clarification. It's ok.

Crescent moon, AMEN! If she was expecting a call, why couldn't she tell me right from the get go that we might be interrupted? I actually felt uncomfortable about sitting in there in the middle of this personal conversation....had I known it was coming, I'd have gladly asked to excuse myself if the phone rang. It didn't ring. It didn't vibrate. So that told me she'd been watching it...

AllHeart, she only brought her daughter once. She sent me a text saying she'd be late, and that her girl would be with her and I could meet her. Well, we were not introduced, and I was not excited about it.

But when you charge $150 per session.... I would think I ought to hope I get her full attention. Not watching her phone, not thinking about her daughter in the waiting room, etc. Minds wander. But at least ACT like you're involved 100%. I really like this T, and don't want to lose her. But It seems I may need to create some boundaries of my own if we are to continue.

To anyone critical, hey, I'm sorry. None of us REALLY knows one's story.... what we've gone through, what we're still going through, hour our mind processes things, how our thoughts get the better of us. That's why we're IN therapy. I appreciate the feedback very much....thank you.

[SnakeCharmer]

musinglizzy, I wasn't being sarcastic. The words sounded clumsy in my own ears and I thought if you were already feeling distressed or upset by what happened clumsy words, even if inadvertent, wouldn't feel very good.

I wish you the best.

[musinglizzy]

No...I took it as mostly supportive, some of it just a bit confusing....lol

[LindaLu]

Jeez. A recent post someone said their T started a session explaining there was a call she needed to take if it came... and that made all the difference. Ten minutes is outrageous. You can't even re-connect after that long an interruption. Ask for refund half her fee. Easy to say, I'd be intimidated to even ask.

[Myrto]

Therapists should not answer the phone during a session. Period.
They should turn off their phone. I'm not even talking about therapeutic reasons here, just common courtesy.
If your therapist had an urgent call she was waiting for, well, it's her job to manage her time more efficiently. Your session isn't the place nor time to answer (personal or not) phone calls.

I'm honestly super pissed off on your behalf.