I screwed it up. Typical.

I'm not in the mood for drawn out prologues at the moments so let me jump right in. My counselor effectively gave up on me today because I said stuff I shouldn't have. I explained to her that I'm a bad person, effectively a parasite given human form who takes and takes from those around him but gives back nearly nothing without begrudgingly doing so out of duty rather than kindness, that I've squandered my blessed life (high income first world upbringing with two loving parents living together) and that anyone could've done better if they were given my circumstances. I'm a failure, basically. She asked if I think I could change and I said I don't know, but statistically (18 years of history) it is unlikely. She said that therapy is a place where one makes changes, and that if I don't think I can change there's no point to me returning. I have one more session in two weeks and if things have not changed I'll be discharged.
I don't even know what to ask, it's ridiculous that I managed to **** this up so bad after only three sessions. I guess what are your thoughts on this? I'm sorry, this is a waste of your time. I'm just venting.

You didn't mess up. Your therapist did. It's not therapeutic to say "if you don't believe in this I'm going to kick you out". It's not therapeutic to terminate a patient after three measely sessions because they haven't immediately leapt upon the therapist's kumbaya train.

Three sessions in your therapist should be showing you what she can do for you, explaining therapy in greater detail, and exploring the feelings you shared with her, not shaming you into feeling that it was a mistake to ever have spoken your mind.

I would skip the next session and find yourself a therapist who doesn't suck more than a tornado at tea time.

A break might be a good idea, to sort out if there's value in therapy for you, or what you want to get from it. I don't think this particular therapist sounds very helpful, but it's hard to know how much is just a bad fit.

I agree with skyscrapermeow. You are only 3 sessions in. What you expressed sounds like classic resistance which your therapist should be able to withstand. The very fact you are there shows you recognise you are in need of some type of assistance, and it's not even like you flat out said no, you said you don't know, but are skeptical, which seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Part of the therapists job is to accept you for who you are. Part of the issue you are presenting is that you feel (by your own admission) you don't make the best of the opportunities life affords you. That is your presenting issue, and she's effectively saying "why don't you repeat this pattern from your past, reject help and just leave? "
That is not her job as a therapist. She should be validating your doubts, helping you to identify why this pattern occurs in your life and help you to find ways to change it, starting with the therapeutic relationship.
You are only three sessions in; have you considered shopping around for a more competent one?

I do apologize, but I fear some of you may have misconstrued the situation. It is my fault for explaining it poorly. I am the one saying that I do not know if I can change, though I am doubtful. She wants me to change, she agrees with me that change is necessary, but says that if I don't think I can that there is no use to continued treatment, which I think is a fair assessment. I hope that helps to clarify my admittedly brief summary.

I think you did explain it well
The reason why I still think this therapist is the one who has messed up is because in the context of previous instances where you feel you haven't made the best of things (having loving parents etc) it is natural you would assume you are going to repeat that pattern in therapy. That sounds to me like a normal reaction, and not something to shame you for or threaten you with termination.
You came to therapy for something, so if your T were to concentrate on the little part of you that believes change is possible and begin to discuss why you haven't made the best of things in the past, you might be surprised yourself about what progress is possible.
I hope you don't give up on yourself because of the lack of insight on the part of this therapist. There are many good therapists out there who can help you recognise patterns in your life and instigate change.

You explained everything well. It's the therapist who screwed up. No therapist should say what she said to you. Any therapist who says something like that should find a different line of work. I am sorry this happened to you. Find a better therapist next time.

We're at similar points in our therapy process, about the same number of sessions in. I recently told my therapist that I think therapy might be a complete waste of time and that it might make matters a lot worse. I questioned the very basis of it, whether it would be of any use at all to me or to anyone else. I threw screeds of somewhat overwrought (if you can believe that) objections at her. I expected her to tell me to go boil my head.

And you know what she did? She talked to me about my feelings, answered what questions I had and was stable in the face of my uncertainty and to be honest, emotional confusion.

You really need to understand that what happened to you is bad therapy. You're only three sessions in. Time to find a decent therapist. A decent therapist is someone who can take the thoughts you expressed and do something useful with them, not just make you feel like you ****ed up.

You didn't screw up. You only expressed fears and hesitation. I would find another t (as many have suggested). I'm assuming you sought therapy yourself, voluntarily. That says to me that you are at least willing to look at the negative patterns and see how they impact your life. Your t is missing the boat on so much with this. It's normal to start therapy them question if it's worth trying, especially if there's depression and/or anxiety in the mix...
try to be gentle with yourself, and perhaps find a new t that is willing and able to help with bumps in the therapy process.

I understood your first post and you didn't screw up. In fact what you said was appropriate given you've only just begun. A good T would not make such a judgement but would have instead tried to work with you.

Sounds like not a good fit between you and your T. Change is hard and I find it hard to envisage ever being any different.

I have been seeing my T for 5 years and I know they would want to explore why I feel I can't change rather than suggesting I stop going.

Is not the fact that you are turning up showing that you do want to do some work?

Hope you can find a different T.

Don't let this one stop you.

Soup

Sometimes when we are distressed and under pressure we speak/listen unwisely and get the wrong end of the stick. Are you sure, on reflection, that is exactly what she said? Might it be that she meant therapy is an opportunity for you to make changes but if you are really not going to explore this possibility you might not benefit from therapy? That would seem a more reasonable response.

I totally understood your first post too. I started my therapy with very much the same attitude as you. I agree with many before me, & would suggest finding a better therapist. You need to feel completely happy to share your true feelings, as you did, without being judged. If that were my therapist, I'd be out of that door, for good. Good luck. Xxx

My T always said the me that the goal was to understand. She never talked to me about changing, I felt that therapy was about understanding and accepting myself, being myself.

A more detailed version of her wording is in order. I explained my failngs amd that I have a long history of this. She brought up what specifically I want to improve with therapy and I told her that I want to be a better person in my own eyes (though that's not entirely true. What I REALLY want is to not be so crap at everything but that isn't really something a therapist can help with so I went with a more psychological problem). She asked if I believed that I could achieve this, to which I responded that I do not know but that given the evidence the answer would have to be no. She then said that if I don't believe that this was an achievable goal than continued therapy would be pointless. She suggested I take a week long break to get my thoughts in order and I accepted, our next session being in two weeks. She said that if my opinion remained the same she suggested discontinuing my treatment. I hope that clarifies, again sorry for the bad description.

Do any of these questions help?

1. Examining only your desires, do you want to achieve these improvements? Not looking at fears or current ability levels or patterns. Only thinking about what you do or do not want for yourself.
2. Are you willing to put forth effort into reaching your goal? This could involve things like: being open to new ideas, trying uncomfortable things, making progress and also making mistakes as well.
3. Are you able to suspend your doubt in your ability to change, while still attempting to remain open minded enough to put forth effort and attention towards your goal?
4. Is it 100% impossible that you could achieve this goal? Not what has been a pattern in the past, not what is statistically probable, but is it completely out of the question that you could change your trajectory?

your therapist shouldn't have shown you the door like that. it's not right.

nothing you said was wrong. you voiced a common perception shared by many in therapy. you are only just starting out; i don't know if you have depression, but people with depression tend to think they will never be able to change, they're stuck like this etc; but their not. so it might just be your illness talking.

even with the clarification, i think this T is missing the point of therapy...
you are seekimg her help trying to change something, though you have little internal hope of changing it. As a T wiith a new client, I would hold their hope for them until we can either determine it's hopeless (HIGHLY unlikely) or they can find their hope... Just you showing up to therapy says that you at least want to change something, even if you belive the change to be unlikely.
I would still try to find another T. This one seems to buy into your self-assesment of hopelessness, and that's pretty crappy of her to do (especially not knowing you). If she is willing to give up before you even get started, what's going to happen when you hit a bigger bump during therapy?