[JaneTennison1]

Lately things in therapy have been difficult.

My therapist has been asking me questions and talking to me, instead of answering and being ok I find myself shrugging, giving half answers and not really engaging. It's so frustrating as in my head I know what I want to say and out loud I can't seem to.

I feel a real disconnect with T. On one hand I had a huge breakthrough in that I feel very secure that T would be there for me and very happy that I could choose not to need her or email her. I have felt very in control. Then my sstupid anxious brain took over and said I would not contact her even if I wanted to, my anxiety would not allow that comfort. It's so frustrating. I just want to be able to enjoy the security without anxiety seeing another chance at control and I want to be able to express my feelings without just muttering like a sullen teenager.

[wheeler]

I get that way when something has happened to make me 'mad' at T. Now mind you it doesn't have to be something rational, but just something that I perceive to be threatening in some way. And for me, sometimes it has to do with control, like I get frustrated that I think she has the upper hand over me.

[wavey]

When I have really important things (emotions, illness, etc) I want to convey and I know or suspect I won't be able to speak about it, at least not in the time frame allotted or with the attitude the T or Pdoc has, I prepare my appointment on paper and give them a copy when I go. It has helped me in crisis a lot. Good luck.

[BlessedRhiannon]

No advice for you; just wanted to say I'm going through something similar myself right now with my T.

Personally, I think I never had a surly teenager phase when I was a teen, and now that my anxiety is mostly under control and I feel safe with T, I'm experiencing phases I should have gone through many years before. It is very unsettling to have these experiences 20+ years after you should have, though.

[ThisWayOut]

I can relate also. I'm kinda there with my T (though not so much the comfort piece as the anxiety and surley teenager piece)...

it can really suck.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Lately things in therapy have been difficult.

My therapist has been asking me questions and talking to me, instead of answering and being ok I find myself shrugging, giving half answers and not really engaging. It's so frustrating as in my head I know what I want to say and out loud I can't seem to.

Did you ever get a chance to be a surly teenager when you were young?
Could it be a necessary developmental stage on the way to adulthood?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

'I find myself shrugging, giving half answers and not really engaging' - I wonder if you are coming under pressure and feeling tense because you are probing sensitive spots. I was worried I would react the same way in therapy, but in fact I find that the therapeutic relationship is one where I can say what I could never say or explore in real life. It is incredibly liberating. I hope you can move on from this phase.

[JaneTennison1]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their response and advice. I've really spent some time thinking this over. I do think a large part is the difficult nature of what we are talking about and that I just hide or retreat.

As well, T keeps reminding me she is not the person who abused me. This is so important because I think sometimes I retreat to non answer teenager mode because I think she is going to hurt me and that is how I defend myself.

Thanks again everyone.

[Soccer mom]

With my maternal transference with my T., I went through all sorts of phases. I realized it after talking to a friend and T. smiled when I told her. I think I posted about it but here's how it seemed to go:
In the beginning, intense loving feelings/wanting to connect like an infant.
Next, wanting to know all about her like a child mirroring a parent.
Next, teenage years in that I argued/pushed her away/was silent - longest stage and I was quite mean. I also felt rebellious outside of therapy. I didn't care if something happened to me and wanted to drink a lot more. My T. said she felt she was "walking the plank" ready for me to kick her off.
Now I guess I'm an adult but I feel myself shift among all these stages I guess depending on what we're discussing. I would share this with your T. If my T. brings up my mom's apology, I instantly go into teenage mode not responding and not wanting to hear what she has to say.

My inner 15 year old has come out in therapy more than once for sure. The first time it was when I still saw t in person, and I would sit there on the couch stomping my feet. After we started doing phone sessions, and my inner teenager would get activated, t would say "I can see you stomping your feet." She taught me how to work with my inner teenager, which I've done a lot of, and I've done a lot of that work here on pc actually.

i am actually a teenager and i get this a lot.

[JustShakey]

SM and Art - this is interesting... When I was about 14 I started showing a very goofy rebellious streak. I would push limits in a class-clownish type of way. I ended up shutting that part of me down when I was shamed for 'attention seeking'. Then I just got quiet and withdrawn and surly.
I seem to have gone back there... It actually feels good to finally be myself - at 14, but hey, I'll get there...

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