Overly aware of my T's appearance/body type

I'm asking about this because I've never heard it mentioned, and I'm wondering if I am the only one. It feels very weird!

My therapist and I are women of similar levels of attractiveness - she is about 9 years older but she looks younger than her age (I'm 33 she's 42). I don't tend to compare myself with other women, and I don't feel like I'm "competing" with her in any way - but I find myself being hyper-aware of what she wears, how it complements her body, and overall her level of attractiveness and body shape (like breasts, waist, hips). I do find her very attractive since she is my type - but it has nothing to do with this.

I look Latin and have a curvy body, while she looks nordic and is very thin - I don't know how to describe it, but I'm very aware of this contrast. I'm assuming part of it is that women often "check each other out", "appreciate each other" or even compare - but I also get the sense she does that too.

Has this ever happened to anyone with their same-sex therapist? I'm trying to make sense why this is a "thing" for me! It doesn't usually happen.

Yes! Thank you for posting about this. I guess I have some serious body image issues anyway, but I do always notice that my therapist is very pretty and petite, something that I've always wanted. Sometimes I find myself looking at her chest, not because I'm interested in every seeing her breasts, but simply noticing that they are much more reasonable a size than my d cup divas! She doesn't wear shorts, but she wrote a dress once that complimented her frame very well and had a small slip up the side. I noticed that she had very shapely legs, again something that I strive for, and by strive I mean sit at home wishing because I have never been a frequent gym goer. I have a very athletic body build, lots of muscle, not an over load of fat, but definitely not as thin or toned as she is. I do find her much prettier than I find myself, and compete with her in my mind a bit :/

I compare myself a lot with my T. She isn't much older than me. She isn't perfect, or has the prefect body, but she's so pretty.
We are about the same lenght, but she's slim and she has a flat belly. She does have very small hips and her hips are a little bigger. She is, what people would say, a small pear. Her legs are beautiful. I mean, I haven't actually see her legs. She dresses appropiately. But they look so good in skinny jeans. She also has much better skin than me, even though she has some pimples sometimes.

I'm very jealous on how good she looks. And she's also very nice and positive and a good talker. I really wish I was more like her. Though my butt looks a little bit better, and my hair is thicker. But still, her blond hair looks so good on her.

I try to lose weight, but it's so hard. I excercise, try to eat healthy. If I only would lose some weight, then I would look better and I won't feel like she is the beauty and I'm the ugly beast.

I also compare. My T is in her 60's, and she is fricking gorgeous. Heck, she's so beautiful I felt inferior to her for many months which made it extra hard to bond with her. I am the average pretty -- more the adorabley cute kind, and a good 20 years younger. She is thin, but has gained quite a bit of weight in her midsection over the last few months. I am overweight so I admittedly enjoyed seeing this weight gain in her. Heehee.

So yes, I have compared myself to my T everywhere from her ears to her toes! In all honesty though, I compare myself to all females I meet. I got issues!

I'm no happy not to be alone.

For me it's also the contrast. I've always wanted fair skin, straight blond hair, and blue eyes. (I have dark eyes and dark curly hair). I also have DDD breasts and wide hips (curvy). She is an A cup with more of a "ruler" petite body type. I don't really envy her, I just really appreciate her aesthetically (yes, I'm also sexually attracted to her, but this is separate) and I am very "aware" of the differences in our looks. She does have beautiful legs, but for me that's more of the physical attraction thing.

I don't know if I'm imaging things - but I think she notices this too - in part because I have referenced my appearance.

Thank you for sharing. I thought that I compared myself to my therapist because we look almost the same age...so it's interesting that it happens regardless of age. I don't compare myself to most women, so for me it's more of an anomaly! I think that if you sit facing someone for an hour a week, it's hard not to "check them out".

I used to have a p-doc who wore fantastic clothes and shoes. She was a few years older than me. I would definitely always find myself admiring her and her fashion sense during visits. Not exactly the same as what you've described but maybe similar?

I notice my therapists sense of style too. I think it's because she's a bit older than me so I view her as somewhat of a role model.

I'm aware of some of the physical differences between me and my T as well. I'm 30 and she's 46. I'm fit, but I have more of an hour glass "feminine" figure, whereas my T is extremely thin, no hips, no butt, etc. We're both athletic, but I'm more toned and she's more like "whoa, that is a muscular woman!" We also dress very differently; I'm very girly and she is not. About the only physical thing we have in common is that we have about the same chest size. I wouldn't have noticed that, though because she doesn't wear revealing clothes. I just happen to be talking about myself, and she was like "yeah, me too." I think the body differences are really interesting-- and, obviously, I am making comparisons here-- but it's not about competition. Nor is it about attraction. I'm not attracted to her. I prefer the way I look-- but I appreciate her for who she is. For me, it's really just about curiosity. It's interesting to simply observe the fact that we look SO different. We both eat healthy, we both work out, we're both white with blonde hair-- and yet we just look SO different. I'm also even a little bit amazed that her legs and waist and hips can be THAT small. She was wearing these pants yesterday that I commented on, and she was like "oh, they're a unique fabric. Feel it." So I felt the fabric (and it was unique) but what I noticed more than the material was just that her leg is so skinny. I'm fairly small myself (size 4 or 6 jeans) but her leg was like probably half the size of my leg! I'd be surprised if her jeans are bigger than a size 0.

Initially, I think I started noticing the differences in our bodies when I started getting more into fitness and my body started changing a bit. I wasn't really out of shape before-- I was just average. I was about 140, and I kicked up my running and weight lifting and went down to 128. I talked about it in therapy because I had never felt very comfortable with my body. My T said that my insecurities were coming from inside because, on the outside, she said I was beautiful. I told her I didn't necessarily feel that way, and she seemed genuinely surprised. I'm actually going on a vacation in a few days an it will be the first time I will ever wear a bikini on the beach-- and I'm nervous about it. So, last week, T actually had me bring in a picture of myself wearing it. She was extremely complimentary and worked to convince me that I looked great. But she also admitted that she doesn't wear a bikini and she feels self-conscious about her body as well. I can understand age-related insecurities because she's older than I am, but I can't understand how she could feel like she has "big" shoulders or that she "has a large frame." I told her that, in my view, she's tiny! She said she has never felt that way. It was actually really helpful for me to have this conversation with her, because it demonstrated how differently we can see ourselves compared to how other people see us. In her view, she said she thinks I'm small and pretty and she doesn't see why I have any insecurities. And, in my view, I can't understand how she doesn't think she's "tiny."

My therapist seems tall, and says she's tall, but I don't think she is. Not compared to me. I would like to look like her, but whatever. I don't dwell on it.

I'm 22 and my old-T is 67. I noticed she was skinny and her basic features but that was it. I don't want her body because at her age she probably is losing muscle mass and has aches and pains to go with it. Nevertheless, she wasn't too wrinkled for her age.

Just to be quasi-Freudian, maybe you need to see how T is better or worse than your mother.

I can relate to this subject though I feel weird writing about my T's looks compared to mine. She is about 15 years younger than I am, and probably about 40 pounds lighter, at least. She's very tall and thin, and I asked her once if she was okay. She said she was, and she eats all the baked goods I occasionally bring her, but I don't like that she's so thin. Her legs in her jeans look like a kid's, and once she wore something sleeveless and I had a very negative reaction.

Strangely though, I'm attracted to because her face and hair are pretty. I don't notice her being so thin as much as I used to. I am also jealous because I'm overweight and I wish I were thinner, but not as thin as my T. I realized when looking at fashion magazines that my T looks like a model but I think the models are skin and bones.

It bothers me that I often judge people, including my family, on how they look. I love them but judge them anyway. It bothers me how aware I am of how my T looks. I'm embarrassed that I look the way I do, and have mentioned that to her. Usually I can forget about it because it's what's inside that counts. But I do compare and notice our physical appearances and how different we are.

I've noticed my T's appearance and that it sort of matched my own. About the same height/weight/bare face/casual hairstyle. I really feel comfortable because she's not Twiggy, a fashion plate, she just seems down to earth and approachable.

I'm not attracted to her in any way, she's just T. I am glad she's not someone I feel inferior to, like some of my other T's, who were so flawlessly put together it made me feel like a slob.

I've had body issues my whole life, but I always think I'm smaller than I really am. It's not until I see a picture that my brain senses the truth.

My impression of T is that she is comfortable in herself, which helps me be comfortable with her.

I guess this is one of the reasons why I can't work with a female T. Not because I would compare myself to her any more than I do to a male T, but still.

I do pay attention to my t how she dresses simply because I love fashion and things like that I always notice what others wear

At least I think that's why I notice. My t is in her 60s almost 20 years older than me and is average in her looks

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My t is 58 and she is very beautiful. Sometimes I find myself staring into her eyes because they are just amazing. She is the same height as me but very thin. I wonder if she eats enough because she is so busy but she tells me she eats a lot. All of her children are tall and thin too. Her hair is black and short and she likes it like that cos it's easy to style. T doesn't wear as much make up as before. She used to always wear bright lipstick but not anymore. I find myself looking at her beasts a lot because they are so small and perfect. I am jealous of her looks because she is very pretty and I am so shy and insecure.

Rainbow, how you feel about your T's weight totally reminds me of how my mom feels about mine... My mom has struggled with her weight all her life and I am quite skinny. I know she wants to be thin, but not as thin as me (but she really would like to be as thin as me, but she has to keep believing that I'm too thin...)

I'm actually determined not to have the same weight issues she has. She's always telling me that I need to gain weight and complimented me recently by telling me she thought I had 'filled out in the face a bit'. I was upset by that one, because I have gained weight since being in the shelter because I can't cook my own food and I'm getting almost no exercise.

Idk Rainbow, I hope you don't mind me saying it. Your comment just really struck a chord about the relationship between me and my mom, and about more than weight issues... Therapy is funny like that.

The other thing is I always felt 'better' than previous T because I was skinnier (and taller too - I'm taller than my mom as well) yet I loved her curvy body...

You know, it is just soooo much easier having a male T!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't pay much attention to how my T looks. I only recently realized that she's actually shorter than me (I originally thought she was taller). I do pay attention to her hair. If it's up, it means she's not feeling well. I pay attention to how she sits and her facial expressions. I know that she is slender, but not skinny...a very healthy size imo. And I do notice when she wears any color besides black, white, grey, or blue. And when she wears a pencil skirt (she always seems so uncomfortable because she has to sit proper).

my therapist is in her 50s or early 60s (it is almost impossible to tell) and i am a LOT younger than her, so there's no level of competitiveness there. although aside from therapy, i do compare myself a lot to other people my age.

I don't think I would recognize the woman out of context. I don't pay much attention at all to what she looks like or how she dresses.

I have compared myself to my T in the past. She is very slim and athletic and petite and two years younger than me and sometimes I envy her because she seems to have a lot of friends, a pretty decent family, a good job, etc. I meanwhile am taller but overweight. I would like to be thinner but not as thin as she is. I don't really do it much anymore though.

I have trouble recognizing people out of context because I have poor visual memory. It can be pretty embarrassing.

But as for being highly aware of what OP is saying. . I was too... for a long time. I think its because many of us put so much on the line with our T.. feel so vulnerable.. and I think that makes our limbic system kick into high gear. Which increases awareness of EVERYthing

I am very aware of where she is in relation to me-how far away because I do not want her to get near me. But I really could not say how tall she is or really what she looks like or types of clothes. On high alert- that is not what I register

I know that I probably wouldn't recognize my therapist if I met her outside of therapy. It's about visual memory with me, not anything about how I think or feel about her. I just can't keep people's face in my short term memory . . .or even in my long term memory often!

I known that she has grey/white hair that she pulls back in a bun. She never wears jewelry and her clothes are usually neutral . . .although the last time I saw here she had on this beautiful light green, flowing shirt that I loved. She is probably 5 to 10 years older than me ,but she is a person who has relatively no wrinkles. I only know that she is older than me because I know that the level of her education and practice means that she is older than me. I like that she's older than me; I looked for someone who was older than me. It's hard when you get older to find someone who understands and "GETS" the issues that you're dealing with as an older individual. It makes me smile because when I was young, I didn't want some old fart trying to talk to me that had no idea what it was like to be 22 or 28 or whatever! Guess what? I realize now that what matters is that the person ACTUALLY experienced what it was like to be in the place I was in at the moment, not that they were actually in that place at the moment