[IndestructibleGirl]

So frustrated at myself tonight.

I cancelled a date with a beautiful man, for the second weekend in a row He is handsome, with the chiselled body of a Greek god (and omg his arms!) and from the little I know of him so far seems like a lovely, kind human being. Plus he kisses really well

But I'm scared, and hesitant, and keep thinking it's pointless to start seeing him, in case I get really keen and we get intensely close - and then he decides he doesn't like me anyway.

If even a trained therapist couldn't stomach me, and ended up recoiling in disgust...well then what chance does this poor ***** have?

I was walking home today, and reflecting that actually my life is pretty great right now, in terms of exciting plans and future prospects, and good company from friends, have properly mended the relationship with my brother, and my mum and I are getting along so much better now I'm not seeing old therapist. I have a really stressful hospital appointment tomorrow and am coping with that. Even when I have csa flashbacks - I'm coping alright. I can see a lovely, vibrant future for myself.

But I don't have the guts to even consider loving new people, in case I get burnt again.

I really, really resent old therapist for that. It's not four months ago that she was holding my hand beside me during this same medical procedure, emoting such great love, and I'm not saying it was fake, but...how can you flip emotions on and off like that. How can people be so, so fickle?

[Ruftin]

(((IG)))...I think as a woman you have the upper hand here. You can decide when, where and how long you want to meet with this gentleman. A cup of coffee never killed anyone. Right?? Just take it slow and be yourself. If it works out, great, if not it was just a cup of coffee with an acquaintance.

[wotchermuggle]

If I could suggest something, could you reframe the situation with your therapist and look at it from my perspective of , "I'm not gonna let my therapist ruin this relationship for me" ?

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Ruftin

(((IG)))...I think as a woman you have the upper hand here. You can decide when, where and how long you want to meet with this gentleman. A cup of coffee never killed anyone. Right?? Just take it slow and be yourself. If it works out, great, if not it was just a cup of coffee with an acquaintance.

I don't know though. He must feel like I've messed him around a lot. He had already set off for the place we were meant to be meeting last night, he was on the tube so he didn't even get my message until he was there waiting for me. That's a horrible thing to do to him.

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

If I could suggest something, could you reframe the situation with your therapist and look at it from my perspective of , "I'm not gonna let my therapist ruin this relationship for me" ?

Yes, I know I should do this. Actually I should just put her out of my head altogether and in some ways this isn't hard. I dunno. I can't explain it. I mean, I was dying to kiss this dude last night. I was ready to leave the house and then just couldn't. My bones felt made of lead and I felt crushed under such a weight of a really oxymoronic mix of listlessness and edginess.

He thinks I'm beautiful, which is nice, but it's what she used to say...his enthusiasm and general kindness reminds me of her even though it's a different context. I can't trust it. It's like these people are too good to be true. At least with ex boyfriend, he was lovely at first but right from the start I could see the acid in him as well.

[Lauliza]

I hear you and have had the same experience in relation to rejecting great guys by pulling no shows or cancelling. All this does is make them feel rejected and made me feel angry at myself and even more rejected by them for not chasing. Its hard but can you try to take this a little slower? If it's a first date remember, so love isn't even a part of it yet. You are just meeting for coffee or drinks. Try staying in the moment and keeping your focus. Everyone has relationships that didn't work out on the past with various people, including their Ts, no one is immune to that. It sounds like you do have the upper hand here since it sounds like he likes you a lot. This is a date so it's not even in the same ballpark as your relationship with your T. I know you are aware of this but maybe if you can think about it in terms of male/female dating dynamics rather than female/female therapy/friendship dynamics it will help you keep some perspective. The two are very, very different. If you push him away it will hurt his feelings and your chances at a good experience. Try not to let your ex T have that kind of power over you and your life.

[Ruftin]

I don't know though. He must feel like I've messed him around a lot. He had already set off for the place we were meant to be meeting last night, he was on the tube so he didn't even get my message until he was there waiting for me. That's a horrible thing to do to him.


So just send him an apology...he deserves one. Right? Even be honest. Tell him you got shy all of a sudden. This will boost his morale. But only do this if you are certain you won't stand him up again.

I know!!!! Easy for me to say!!!

It might be worth taking some time (months or longer) to steady yourself before jumping into a relationship. Things like this can be a distraction from deeper issues, making them even worse. Maybe you can heal the hurt by jumping into a romance before working on what really went on with your ex therapist...but is it likely?