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#1
Mar 13, 2015, 12:48 PM
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Then what does your house say about how you feel?
Mine isn't a potential hoarders episode anymore, but its definitely cluttered, and probably chaotic to many people. I know there are simple things I can do to straighten up, but right now they feel like too much effort. But as bad as this is, it's NOTHING compared to how it nearly always looked last year...I can still see my carpet right now, aside from the dog toys all over the floor. Before, I had to literally climb and hop over large piles and boxes of things. I feel like I'm better now, then I was before. Even though my house is still a mess. And the difference is that in previous years, I was so...DEPENDENT on my T...torn up if I didn't have constant contact/reassurance from her. Obsessed to the point I had room for thinking about little else. But now she doesn't speak to me outside session. She has positioned herself as a support, but she isn't really there. I know now that I can't turn to her for anything. There is a new distance now...now that I am forced to rely on only myself and/or the resources I found for myself in my community. Maybe I'm drawing weird parallels, but that's how I've connected it in my mind. Last edited by InRealLife45; Mar 13, 2015 at 01:12 PM. |
 growlycat
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 Partless, rainbow8
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#2
Mar 13, 2015, 01:00 PM
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it's a huge improvement. and if you want to go with "your house reflects your state of mind", this is just the next step. you're feeling better, but not totally there yet. same with the house.
looking good! |
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#3
Mar 13, 2015, 01:05 PM
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#4
Mar 13, 2015, 01:23 PM
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Omg, I was just saying that to T. I feel she can gauge my state by how messed up my thoughts are, how messed up I look and how messed up my house is.
Mind>Personal appearance>House Concentric circles of yuck. That's part of my social phobia. If I let her/people see any of these three, her/people may know how messed up I am. IRL, you have been are going through something incredibly painful...but you are still moving forward. You have my admiration. For what all of us are here are going through, we are still here. We are all- extraordinary! |
| ThisWayOut
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#5
Mar 13, 2015, 01:26 PM
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Speaking as someone who has cat pathways but no cats, your place looks great!!
I see on tv people with "normal" furniture and spaces, and im like, why cant that be me? |
| Anonymous200325
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| brillskep, ThisWayOut
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#6
Mar 13, 2015, 01:34 PM
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Lol can I see a picture of your house, then? :-) Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk |
| precaryous
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#7
Mar 13, 2015, 01:35 PM
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My home is clean and tidy.... And than there's inside the cupboards.....
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| Ellahmae, ThisWayOut
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#8
Mar 13, 2015, 01:36 PM
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Hankster, wanna see my last years house compared to this years house? I had that same thought so I got rid of all my furniture and got new stuff. But I'm still cluttering up the new stuff too so ::shrug:: but my last years house will make you ask what episide of hoarders you're looking at. Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk |
| unaluna
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#9
Mar 13, 2015, 03:08 PM
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My small apartment reflects my mood all the time. When I'm happy, the curtains are open, as are the windows (in summer), I become aware of the disorder and the dirt and have a natural urge to clean and tidy up, then sit and have a cup of tea or coffee with some pastry and watch the nice little cozy apartment, things in their place, organized, clean, and I feel "at home."
Then other times I don't see the dirt, the mess, the unwashed dishes and closed curtains, the drawers marked by drops of oil and dirt, mugs in the cupboard with spots on them, things that would usually make me shudder. No, the whole thing merges into each other, an outer representation of my inner self, anxiety and anger and depression balled into one unrecognizable intense state that feels like a fog that's blinding and repressive. I don't feel "at home", I don't feel safe, I feel paranoid, anxious, unhappy, and hopeless, and my environment reflects that. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't know, I think I half shut down during those days, just kill time online or in front of TV till it passes, till the fog lifts or emotions separate from each other and I can see them for what they are and I become free again and can breathe. |
| Ellahmae
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| clairelisbeth, Ellahmae, ThisWayOut
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#10
Mar 13, 2015, 03:51 PM
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My house reflects only one part of me. I am a total mess inside yet my place is immaculate always clean and nicely decorated and looks staged. No matter where I lived that is how it looks. My state of mind is nothing like it!!!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous100230
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#11
Mar 13, 2015, 03:52 PM
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#12
Mar 13, 2015, 04:07 PM
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What does it mean if your house is full of dog hair and lots of dust?
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| ThisWayOut
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#13
Mar 13, 2015, 05:06 PM
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My house is this way because it is the only way I can function. My mind is all cluttered and anxious so in order to function my environment has to be very structured. Cluttered places add to my anxiety. Also I grew up in cluttered filthy home and can't stand it. Edit to add that I can't leave the house unless my bed is made and other stuff done, I would be anxious all day. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Last edited by divine1966; Mar 13, 2015 at 05:23 PM. |
| ragsnfeathers, unaluna
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#14
Mar 13, 2015, 05:07 PM
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You mean you couldn't see the fine layer of white dog hair all over my carpet? Lol I'm Just about ready to shave my poor dog completely bald Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk |
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#15
Mar 13, 2015, 05:19 PM
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What if you have company-clean public spaces and doors that have to stay closed no matter what?
My living room kitchen and bath are not immaculate but I keep them clean enough. Bedrooms laundry room storage areas are a complete nightmare. Does that mean I'm a chaotic mess who presents a put-together front to the public? Because that kinda is my personality  now that I think about it!For me it is depression that zaps all my energy and ability to care about it, when I'm anxious that's when I actually get things done. Weird! |
| nervous puppy, ThisWayOut
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#16
Mar 13, 2015, 05:22 PM
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| unaluna
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#17
Mar 13, 2015, 06:10 PM
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#18
Mar 13, 2015, 06:13 PM
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::making notes:: |
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#19
Mar 13, 2015, 08:46 PM
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At work though, everyhting was neat, tidy, dusted regularly... |
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#20
Mar 13, 2015, 09:48 PM
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FWIW, I saw your pic this afternoon and the word cluttered didn't even cross my mind. My room is such a rabbit warren right now there looks to be no floor at all.
This is progress IRL! You rely more on yourself because you are stronger, but is it because of distance from T? Or did your strength create the opportunity for the distance? |
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#21
Mar 14, 2015, 12:34 AM
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She created the distance and the rejection kind of made me feel like "well I'll show you" so I learned to stand up by myself. Last edited by InRealLife45; Mar 14, 2015 at 12:58 AM. |
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#22
Mar 14, 2015, 02:55 AM
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 I'm sorry she created the distance, but I'm glad you're able to stand up now.
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| ThisWayOut
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#23
Mar 14, 2015, 04:58 PM
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What an insightful thread. Wow. Never thought of it this way.
My house used to be organized and clean and nicely decorated all the time. When I first got PTSD, things feel apart and I no longer kept anything organized, sort of representing feeling out of control. later, when I got MDD, I started neglecting things like I neglected myself. If i'm feeling hopeless, what's the point of taking care of things? Then it got to the point where it's at now--some piles of papers have accumulated; boxes and bags are waiting for me to address. Probably represents not wanting to deal with stuff I need to deal with but am still feeling resistant about...just am not ready to go there yet. I've thought about this before in terms of my mother, who is a huge hoarder. I suspect she can't let go of the past and deal with the present, as that matches her other behaviors and overall mentality. She's been in denial for a long time. I don't have hoarding habits, but there are certain things I can't throw away since they represent a time in my life when everything was so much better. It's difficult to part with the reminders of that time in my life. Similar to how people listen to the same music for years and years...like 60s or 70s music...those were the sounds playing during the best time of their lives. So they don't give it up. IRL, so glad things are looking up for you. Thanks for sharing. |
| LindaLu
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