[JaneTennison1]

I'm annoyed so this is ranty but omg I am so through with hearing about "sitting with my feelings"

You know what? I've sat with them for 20 years. Why doesn't somebody else take a turn for a while? I'm exhausted. Does it have to be my feelings I sit with? Can it not be the feelings of someone well adjusted? (whoever that may be) who even has time? I have things that need to be done. Can I call in sick? Can't work, I'm sitting with my feelings over here.

Ugh.

[musinglizzy]

AMEN.
I hear that too. I need to open up and feel them. Um, yeah my thought pattern has been screwed up my whole life....I am who I have been for 40 years, and I've sat with my feelings too. I like the way you phrased it all. Perfect!

Honestly, I think that's what the majority of our T's boundaries are there for too...to make us FEEL. FML seriously! I've been trapped in my own head, feeling my feelings, ON MY OWN, for so long....I wouldn't mind a break myself....

[iheartjacques]

What are the things you do to escape your feelings? Some people eat, some people drink, some people take drugs, some people do extreme sports. Maybe they're asking you to just stop all those behaviours, identify the feelings you do have, what it comes from, and how you can deal with it? Feelings do pass.
My worst feeling is rejection. So I've had to learn I have my own self worth, and I'm not defined by what my parents think of me. Whenever they've said horrible things, it's a reflection of THEM, not me. So I have to think, okay, I feel rejected, what can I do about it? What am I good at? And do something I enjoy and that is beneficial.
I do apologise if I've got it wrong.

[BayBrony]

I think the degree of attachment issues and core Shame plays a role her. Sitting with my feelings sometimesoon means sitting with " you are a worthless, broken, repulsive, unlovable piece of f@$! ING dog s $÷@. You do not deserve to be alive. You are not human. You are fundamentally and completely broken and destroyed"
You can only sit with stuff like that so long before it starts to gut you and tear you apart.

[guilloche]

I am so with you Jane!

(((JaneTennison1)))

[JaneC]

I am in 110% agreement with you on this Jane!!

What does it even mean. And if I sit with feelings, if I allow feelings, then what?????? Who are THEY that say it is better to sit with feelings. Have THEY tried SITTING with MY ****ing feelings? Pretty sure THEY would want to get away from them too!!!!!!!

Sorry, rant over. I am with you on this. How do we get life done, while we are sitting here feeling our feelings that make us feel like crap!

With you, with you here! !!

I hate hearing that statement as the LAST thing i want is to 'sit with them'. I want them on a cruise ship far far away.

T said today we will begin work on ptsd in a couple weeks and that wok require feeling....... hmmmmmm, not! ! Lol.. I am not verbally rebelling but i sure can't imagine what is going to happen if they peak out.

Sit with them? ?? Maybe ON THEM. ...CRUSH!!! aaahhhh, much better. .. lol

Going cliché here. ... JUST SAY NO

i know, I know. ... if only it were that easy! Hang in there.

[feralkittymom]

Denying, distracting, suppressing is not the same thing as "sitting with."

I see it more as we can't selectively only feel the good feelings. Nor can we only selectively supress the bad feelings. It's just not how our brains work. Good and bad go together. There's a difference though between sitting with and dwelling upon. The idea is to sit with them until we have consciously opened them up for examination, and separated those which reflect present reality, and those which are remnants of a dysfunctional past experience. The ones that reflect reality, we are then in a position to respond to in different ways: distract, put aside until later, act on, refute, whatever. Those that don't reflect present reality, need to be let go. How anyone lets go is very individual. Some find yoga or meditative practices helpful, others find physical activity or an engrossing activity that requires control and focus helpful.

I just read an interesting study from the British Psych Assoc that examined journaling. The results found that those who could write about their negative/ traumatic experiences within a sense of self-compassion, benefitted from writing. Those who could not summon self-compassion in their perspective, not only did not benefit--they perceived their distress as greater after than before writing.

So I think a crucial part of sitting with is that it must be with an absence of self-judgement. It needs to be an awareness of feeling these negative feelings, but at somewhat of a distance, without using them as a weapon against ourselves. This may explain the success of mindfulness training.

I asked my T what he meant when he said that perhaps I could just be with my feelings (he doesn't use the term "sit with your feelings" but I think the concept is the same, just different terms for it). He said that it was not about being passive and overwhelmed, but rather a matter of nonjudgmentally observing what the feelings are, trying to identify what caused them, and being aware of the fact that everything will pass. I like the notion of using one's intellect to observe the feelings, instead of just experiencing them and feeling like a helpless victim of spiralling emotion.

(((((Jane))))) i feel the same way. it's such an annoying phrase. i want someone else to sit with my feelings too so i don't have to. i'm sick of them.

[Soccer mom]

My T. also tells me to do this. I'm known for saying something and then running to the next subject to avoid talking further. So, she tells me that probably to get me to talk MORE about my feelings. I sit with them but they turn into "ok, you think I'm sitting with them, now what?" and stewing that I don't want to sit with them. Nothing positive has happened yet. But, my T. mainly says it with regards to my feelings IN session, not outside.

I totally get the rants about the statement, "Sit with your feelings." Although I now feel that I have a much better understanding of the statement and how to do it, I still hate it because it sounds so simplistic. When I was tumbling around and being swamped with my feelings, I didn't find the statement in the least helpful.

BUT I will admit that over time, I've learned to understand it and use it I agree with feralkittymom's description of there being a difference between sitting with feelings and dwelling or stewing in them. I know that when I used to journal, I would rant and rave and throw hurtful arrows at myself. It wasn't in the least helpful and indeed made me feel worse.

What changed for me was finding a way to recognize when strong emotions were swamping me and dragging me under--truly like a strong undertow, dragging me under and making me feel as though I was about to drown in a sea of stinging jelly fish or being eaten alive by man-eating sharks. I taught myself that those feelings truly don't last forever (even though it felt like they did) if I would just pause a moment and turn a curious ear toward them. It wasn't about piling on more abuse and rants against myself while "sitting with them", but it was about being truly and openly honest about what triggered such strong hateful thoughts. It actually started with using words like: "Hey there! There are those thoughts about being a stupid a#* are back. Where the heck does that come from? What's happened or what was I doing right before they came and parked themselves in my brain? When was the last time I felt like that? Is there a similar theme? Is what the voice saying really true (tricky one because I used to fall right into agreeing with the voice) What things have I done that show that isn't true about me?" <<--this may sound trite and silly, but I really had to drastically change how I talked to myself. I'm usually a pretty harsh and hurtful person when having a dialogue inside my head, so I had to make a complete 180 to be softer and more curious about what was happening. It takes practice but the good thing is that I'm the one who is making the changes. I'm not relying on someone else to validate me or bring me out of my funk.

I'm not saying it works all the time, but it sure has resulted in some changes that are bringing me a bit more peace. Can't shut the voices off totally, but softening them and being curious about them has lead to some real growth. Just wish therapists would quit using the stupid "just sit with your feelings".