I miss T. I don't even know how she is doing. I haven't called to ask.

I am so messed up. I'm trying to convince myself that it's just best to walk away right now rather than to go back, just to have her die anyway. I am a death magnate. Care about me and you will die. My father, my brothers, my good friend... why not T too.

I am fighting not to call P-doc and tell her I'm never coming back. She is trying to help but a part of me HATES that she is. HATES that she's being nice. HATES that she cares enough to give me her cell phone number. Leave me alone. Keep your distance.

I feel like the fly being lured into a web of kindness...only to be killed and eaten.

I miss T.

[Christina86]

((((((((((((Petunia))))))))))))))

Call and find out. I know it's scary, but I think you should. Not everyone you care about is going to die under bad circumstances, I promise. You must be feeling so alone right now, I have no idea.

Call your pdoc and tell her how you feel. She reached out to you, so she cares about you. Just because she cares about you doesn't mean she's going to die or abandon you Petunia.

I know you miss T, I would too a whole bunch if I was in your situation.

Please take care of yourself, and PM me if you want to talk, okay?

Thanks Christina.

I'm just having one of those "feel sorry for Petunia" days.

[Perna]

Very hard situation for you Petunia. But good opportunity, like Christina says, to find out, to separate your old "wrong" beliefs (that you're a death magnate -- sorry I had that job long before you and don't remember giving it over to you :-) from what is actually happening around you. Call someone and find out how your T is doing and/or maybe your PDoc to thank her for helping out while your T is ill?

((( Perna )))

I know. I really do. And somewhere in the back of my head the voice of reason is nodding in agreement. But it's faint right now. The deluge of teardrops is drowning it out. Maybe this mini-meltdown will clear all my tears away.

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Petunia said:
Thanks Christina.

I'm just having one of those "feel sorry for Petunia" days.

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As you're allowed. Petunia's couldn't grow properly without the rain - it's the same for others too, we need to cry because we feel better afterwards.

Thanks for talking to me about this, Christina.

Having a sick T is not a popular subject and I think it turns people away because they are afraid it might be catchy. It's better left unsaid. Makes me feel like an outcast or diseased or something, like I'm yucking up the forum.

[allthegirls6]

Petunia, I know its hard, I know you miss her but you gotta call her. You need to know how she is doing, otherwise its just going to be torture. Please call her I know it will make the difference.

We love you

[Rapunzel]

I'm sorry that yout T is sick, and hope she is better very soon. I think it's hard to know what to say beyond that, but I would hate it too if my T were sick for a long time and I didn't get to see her.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry purple petals. I so hope she gets through this and recovers. It must be so hard for you, I can't fully imagine

((((((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))))

((((( Petunia ))))

I agree. I hope you'll call because you need to. I'm not saying you need to, you're saying you need to. And it's okay to need to.

You wonderful sweet person... you could never ever "yuck up the forum"!



................................

[January]

((((((((( Pet )))))))))

Now you listen to me. Listen hard. None, not one, of those deaths were due to you. Not one!!!!!!!! You are NOT a death magnent. You have had horrible things happen, but you did not do one thing to cause them.

Stick with your pdoc. You need her.

I want you to reverse the situation and do what you would tell me. I know for sure what you would tell me and so do you. You would tell me to go to my pdoc.

I'm only a pm away. I am here for you.

Love and hugs,

Jan

Petunia, I am so sorry.

Maybe give her a call. It might help to confront this, and find out how she is doing.

It's okay to feel hate towards your Pdoc. You want your T. It's okay.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((Petunia)))))))))))))))))))))) I wish you would call. Sometimes the unknown is so much worse than what is really happening. You are no death magnet. I am so sorry that you are having so much happen in your life right now. You need to do what is best for you. I am always here if you need something. My fur can soak up a lot of tears and my shoulders are strong enough to help hold you up. My heart is with you.

BB

Thank you for your support, everyone. It really means a lot.

(((petunia)))

Thanks Alex-- I am having a bumpy ride at the moment.

[allthegirls6]

Petunia,

Have you heard anything yet?

I called about an hour ago and left a message on her voice mail for her to call me back when she was up to it.

[sunrise]

Keeping fingers crossed that she is doing well and that you hear back soon.

(((hugs)))

Good for you Pet!

I'm sure that will be so meaningful to her!

Do you feel better having made the call?

Thanks for your support everyone. Not sure if I feel better. Kinda nervous I think.

[Christina86]

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Petunia said:
Thanks for your support everyone. Not sure if I feel better. Kinda nervous I think.

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Well, let us know when you hear back, you hear me? We want to support our friend.