Couch 92 Found my shoe

Right. I clearly stated, "I think my wrist is broken." When asked my pain level, I said it was an 8 out of 10. I even said it was not like being in labor, but it was a significant amount of pain. The nurse just looked at me like I was wasting her time. It was not until she took my blood pressure and in was in excess of 330 over 180 something that she blinked several times and kind of frowned and asked me if I have high blood pressure. I told her my blood pressure is usually less than 120 over 70. THEN she said that I might be in more pain than I was showing. I asked her how I should show the pain and looked at me like *I* was the weird one.

Yeah. This. My mother would do whatever she wanted until someone cried and then she might stop. Or not. My sister would ask me repeatedly why I just didn't immediately start crying when hit or whatever and she would actually get angry at me that I didn't cry right away, but it was a point of pride for me. I felt like a weakling every time I finally did break down and cry.

The nurse got yelled at by the ER doc for not giving me pain killers. She then got angry at me and said I didn't act like it hurt. By then I was angry and just snapped back at her that I SAID it hurt, and what did she want from me? For me to cry for her? I am not crying over a broken wrist.

This situation is long past, but it is just being echoed today in things that are happening and I can talk about last summer's incident without violating any rules.

So my question is still kind of unanswered: how is one supposed to act when in significant pain to have others take the situation seriously and not be dismissive? Like Stopdog, I don't want an over the top reaction either because then I feel I have to take care of the other person as well as myself.

I am not certain what people want me to do in order to "show them" (I put it in quotes because the first therapist I see now used to ***** at me about "not showing" any emotion to her to justify why she ignored what I said)
So - I don't have a clue what one is supposed to do.

MKAC, anyone who knows anything about depression should know that when emotions are numbed, physical pain reactions are too. ER staff should be trained in this sort of stuff. There really is no excuse for that nurse. Sounds like she was just a nasty cow who thinks that everybody in the world should be like her.

Idk. I once got sent home from the ER with pneumonia and no meds cuz i dont present right. I wont go there again, even tho it is literally in my backyard.

I imagine you radiate such competence and assurance that no one can believe the pain you are in.

One day on a new med. Well an old med that I'd tried before but we forgot why I stopped taking it...

And I remember why I stopped taking it.

Ugh. Emailed my PDoc. I cannot deal with sedation.

Well...having been sent hone from the er with 8 rib fractures and a punctured lung, I don't know. The next day I went back and ended up being hospitalized after my X raY's were reviewed. I ended up needing surgery and a week in the hospital . I wasn't in enough pain to have broken ribs according to the resident in the er. Despite that I rated the pain 10/10 repeatedly. I guess because I didn't freak out or cry.

Having had a heart attack and two fractured ankles since then I still haven't figured it out. When I was having my heart attack I rated the pain 10/10 and the bored triage nurse sent me back to the waiting room then freaked when she saw my EKG. I was having a Stent put in 10 minutes later. My last fractured ankle they forget my pain meds until my partner harassed the doctor several times. I didn't look painful I guess. Yet I told them pain was 8/10 and my leg was at a distinctly odd angle

I don't get it. at least over the years my partner and close friends have come to understand when I'm in real trouble because I get very very quiet. I even breathe quietly if I am hurt bad. Probably because being sick or hurt could unpredictably lead to abuse when I was a kid......

Hmmm, I think I need to go to the ER with you guys... Usually when I'm in a healthcare setting I'm with my son. Nobody messes with the mom of a special needs child. If I ask for something, I get it. Otherwise there'll be hell to pay.

My son does this too. It's a very bad sign if he gets too quiet and sleepy...

Yeah, I am pretty much completely silent unless I absolutely have to speak and pretty much motionless unless I absolutely have to move.

I suspect we believe we are expected to suck it up and we go along with it because of our stuff. If one is willing to act the ways those who get pampered/ babied/protected act or do what they do - then I suspect it could be obtained. I can't imagine I would like it.
But what is upsetting if those others are getting something? Would you want them to be treated badly or told to toughen up or do you want to be treated how you describe them as being treated? And how does one decide who is or is not deserving of something? I don't know. I find the language chosen here babied/pampered/ and then protected to be interesting.
Is it that you want to be protected in the way it seems they are?

I am pretty much the same. I tell them how to handle my child and what they can and can't do. I think they're often nervous when I tell them what she has.

Me too. I told my primary care doc if im quiet its bad. Smh! Thats why he wouldnt let me go last time until i laughed even tho i told him i was okay. honestly i am rolling my eyes at myself. I dont do it to other people. But t did say yesterday i still put myself down a lot.

I am commuting by bike again. I don't do it on days when I go to court because of the suit thing - but when I teach it is easy enough to change from shorts to pants.

I got off here and went to a forum on tarot cards. With the exception of MET, a lot of what people were saying about their relation to their tarot deck/s was strikingly similar to what people on here say about their relationship to their therapist. Okay, less intense on the tarot forum but the content was similar. Maybe there's clues there about why I have trouble reading cards.

so my son has yet to talk to me sense the whole pot thing . I guess he really is better off without me . the relationship is not the same at all . I don't know how to be a parent to him and I think it is just time to walk away.

(((Granite)))
Don't beat yourself up!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

not your fault granite (((((Granite)))))

Granite - The relationship is going to change - your son is now an adult. He is going to have to figure out his own life and your role is now different. He may want to tell you about it, but you can't make him do things your way. He may get hurt. He gets to have that - it is his and he can learn and grow through it- which in my opinion is a good thing (not that he will get hurt but that it is his choice and at least he can know it was his). It is not that an adult child does not need or want their parent - but the roles do change and it is not always easy for either side to adjust to it - but it can be done. If possible, I would think it might be easier if remembered that he is more than likely not doing stuff at you as much as it may seem. He might not want your advice or opinion when he comes to tell you things. He might want it just to reject it - which is also okay. He is learning to adjust to civilian life after having been both very regimented and responsible. What may seem as rejection of you may not be as personal as it seems. The part you as the parent get is to not react as though it is personal and to be there when he checks in (this is not saying I think you need to be treated rudely or inconsiderately). In the sense of walking away to give you distance to not take his stuff personally may be a good idea. I would not think walking away and not being there for him at all would serve either of you well.

Today is zoo day!

No offense, Granite, but I think you may be making this into a bigger deal than it is based on your past experience. Many of my friends smoked, some even heavily. All are now in stable relationships with good jobs. This is something that may just go away on its own. There is no sense abandoning your relationship with your son over it. Maybe just agree not to discuss this for a while, with his agreement that he won't smoke around you.

This is where I always get myself in trouble on this forum. I do not wish anyone to be treated badly. I get angry with the assumption that if someone is not behaving in an over the top manner, that person is not really hurt, or not as hurt as the person rolling around and moaning. If someone is not behaving badly, they are not as angry as the person screaming and throwing things. Etc. It is the person rolling around who gets catered to; it the person throwing a fit that everyone tries to placate and protect from upset. Meanwhile, the person behaving in a manner I consider 'normal' and worthy of respect gets dismissed.

Well said MKAC.

I guess I have not seen the assumption that someone who is more restrained is not hurt or angry. "everyone tries to placate and protect from upset" - is this what you want? And if so, what would, for you, that look like?
I ask because I am terrible if I feel like anyone is trying to placate or protect me - I become enraged even when I recognize people are trying to be nice - I usually try not to act enraged at them - but I truly hate it. So I don't know what someone else would want.
I consider that separate from looking at what others get. Do I want what they have - mostly I do not and if I did, I would figure out how to get it. In real life it might bother me some if I had to interact a lot with someone who I felt got their way because of temper tantrums. I avoid my sister in law because of it-luckily she lives across the country from me and is quite easy to avoid. But here on the forum I don't get worked up about people starting posts about whatever. I often consider it more the problem of the responders who keep doing the same thing in response to a poster than the one who wants to be responded to.