Anti-therapy thoughts

But a lot of people have had what they thought was a good and happy and positive therapy experience and then BAM it went horribly wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I was delusional about the whole process. I don't know.

I'm not sure if I've seen someone personally told they were being delusional? If someone has that is wrong, but I don't think it is wrong for someone to state a general opinion about how they see therapy. If they see it as people being delusional then why can't they say so? There are people who generally state that if therapy fails then it is the client's fault. They should be able to state that as well.

Please explain how my talking about my experiences, my delusions, my regrets actually means I'm name calling you? Must everyone's experiences and perceptions emulate yours? And if this conversation bothers you, couldn't you just abstain from reading a thread called --Anti-Therapy Thoughts?

You're right, Puzzle, I used the wrong word when I wrote "delusional". Much too strong and I apologize. I do feel, however, that statements such as, "The fact of the matter is, the more you think your therapist is super awesome and will always be there for you, the more vulnerable you are to being let down. It's my opinion that the more these threads provoke a response of revulsion, the more likely it is that the reader is in a precarious therapeutic relationship themselves." are hurtful to people who are in positive and trusting relationships with their therapists. As another poster mentioned, it shakes her own thoughts about her relationship with her therapist. I think statements like that go a little too far. None of us can know what another person's relationship is with their therapist. We can only talk about our own personal experience. And talking about our own hurtful relationships with a therapist is very important. It educates all of us to the potential for harm. I think it's just good to be aware that we can't possibly know that if someone is having a good solid relationship with their therapist that he/she needs to look out for the imminent crash. Otherwise, I'm all for talking about how the therapeutic relationship can go off the rails!

I notice out on the larger internet, that therapy practitioners verbally asperse, hostilely diagnose and try to invalidate those who talk about their negative experiences in therapy.

The "taboo" on this board seems a surrogate for the profession, which incidentally researches and publishes next to nothing on this topic.

I'm not going to tell anyone what they can and cannot say. The only thing I will not tolerate is personal attacks against me or someone else. If someone personally invalidates or is cruel to me or another I report it so fast my head spins.

Other than that general statements are not personal attacks. If something someone reads on a message board shakes their faith in therapy I don't see how that is the fault of the person who wrote it. We all have to take personal responsibility in protecting ourselves and part of that is allowing or not allowing something we read to affect us. (This definitely applies to me as well.) It could be great material for therapy.

I just wanted to add that putting someone you don't like or whose thoughts you don't want to read on ignore is a good idea too. I just did that for the first time yesterday and I am glad to have that option. I think if you start a thread the person you have on ignore cannot post to that thread. I'm not sure of that completely, but I think that is the case.

I am all for people doing what is working for them.

But in threads where someone is unhappy or complaining about something that went wrong - the client very often gets blamed (because it is their fault - not the therapists)
- get told to keep doing it because more pain with the therapist (not the subject matter) is worth it and the thing to work on
- get told to believe in the master plan or process (whatever that is that not one of those guys has ever clearly explained.
- get given all sorts of explanations justifying cruel or bizarre or completely inconsistent behavior on the part of the therapist including that it shows care or - what I consider the very worst thing of all - told that the therapist was acting in the client's best interest and that not submitting means the client is not willing to "do the work".

When someone posts a happy thread where something did not go completely disastrously awry- credit gets given to the therapist for being so excellent.

I found this to be interesting in terms of the contradictions of the therapy set up:
https://trytherapyfree.wordpress.com...y-free-part-1/

And this in terms of how therapists sometimes try to justify themselves:
http://kspope.com/ethics/ethicalstandards.php

But I am not talking about you. I'm talking about those who feel sorry for others being so attached. Just another opinion floating out there...

Stopdog I find your "you do what works for you" attitude refreshing. Not all therapy is bad, not all therapists lack care, not all are worthy of regard or bowing down to (or any actually) don't pity me because therapy is something I'm invested in.

I think that's humans though, some are good and some are bad, some pretend to be good and are not.

I have to be honest. I do fear for those who are so attached or appear to be very attached. I don't even think I was attached, but I was very hurt in the end. And I have seen others who appeared to have a positive therapy relationship get very hurt.

But many therapy relationships don't end horribly and the client doesn't end up severely traumatized. I have to be rational and logical and tell myself that and shut up about worrying for others. I can't control it anyway and I guess it isn't helpful. I don't want anyone to go through that pain, but many won't and even if they might I can't stop it or fix it or control it. I have to let it go. It's not my personal responsibility or mission to save everyone from therapy. It shouldn't be anyway. But I do think it's okay to post about my experience and I can't help if that is triggery to others.

Jane, if PC was around when I was in the thick of it, I would have been right there with the most hung-ho therapy faithful. I frankly don't "feel sorry" for anyone, but I am fearful for those who surrender their judgments so completely to someone who has no more special powers than a college degree because that's what I did to my now sorrow. I don't read ridicule in these posts, but I read that caution as well.

There are books by professionals, Robert Baker's Mind Games, Dorothy Tennov's Psychotherapy, the Hazardous Cure, Deborah Lott's In Session, that contend those cautions.

On trust: I see a middle ground now. I'm an expert in my own life. When I seek out others for service where I have no expertise, I constantly evaluate if I think they're doing the job, whether they're making good judgments, whether they know their stuff. I still take leaps of faith. I also know that no one can predict the future, and many areas of life involve uncertainty.

So I think seeking a service, but with awareness of its downsides, can be compatible. I think it apt to flag anyone calling anyone else a fool, but I didn't see that happening here.

I really think that is what those of us who are bothered by the absolutist viewpoint are trying to get at. There are those (and again, you are NOT who I am talking about) who come here only when negative threads come up, only post very broad, generalizations that are extremely anti-therapy (not about their OWN therapy, but therapy and therapists in general), who never really come here for their own support or even really offer specific support to anyone (only general negativism about therapy), then disappear. These certain individuals do appear to have an agenda. THAT is where the objections come in.

I hate to see this forum, which has always functioned as a support forum, turn into a debate forum. There is a distinct difference. Some tried to do the same thing on the medication forum; they kept starting debate topics when the forum was for support and information about people's specific concerns about their own medication treatment. They attacked people who had found help from medication and constantly created a contentious atmosphere. Administration got a handle on that situation because it was driving away people who needed to be there for their own information and support and the forum had become very dominated by debate topics by people with pretty clear agendas which weren't really about their own current treatment at all.

I have absolutely no issue with people discussing their issues about their therapy, but in some cases (some very vocal cases), that is not what they are doing. They are coming in and declaring absolutes about therapy and therapists that they say apply to ALL therapy situations and declare anyone who thinks or experiences differently to be duped and doomed. That is NOT support. It does appear they are on a "mission" to save us all from therapy rather than to deal with their own therapy.

But then can't you just block that person so you don't see the posts you find negative?

I'm so relieved that PC was NOT around when I was in the thick of my difficulties because I likely would have gone back for more and more punishment. I obediently followed direction in those days.

I was lucky that my college roommate had become a case worker who had peer relationships with therapists. She also knew --really-- and told me I was doing poorly under this guy's care.

I have. Recently.

This one paragraph says very concisely (and better than I could have stated it) exactly what I see occur here as well. Thank you.

Blocking is a tool I use. I don't do it just for people I disagree with - I don't mind disagreement and sometimes I enjoy it as I do like seeing how differently from me others approach things. I do use it for when I feel someone personally attacks me or my approach.

How do you know "those" people aren't finding support in discussion of therapy's damage, just as you find support in other discussions? You don't want to allow those harmed by therapy to have a place here?

Those of us harmed by therapy often have to spend a great deal of time unraveling the delusions we bought and why therapy didn't work for us. Why do you need to stop discussions that aren't relevant to you? Can't you just skip them as you would skip other irrelevant discussions rather than try to mind read intentions?

i get what you're saying. For me it's validating. For others it might be invalidating. They helped me a lot because I was able to focus better on real life outside of therapy because of posts like that. They gave me hope that I could help myself in ways I hadn't thought I could. So maybe to some there is value?

I don't know. I think using ignore is the best solution for people. I don't know really.

Those types of posts have been helpful to me. Very helpful. I would not like to see them censored.

I just learned this option, so happy!

Stuff I found interesting about the pitfalls:
Against Therapy by Jeffrey Masson

A test to see if your therapy is helping:
Have doubts about your therapy? Test it online!

And horrifying to me that people might listen to this guy (to me - he justifies being a jerk because it is the client's best interest):
The Case Against Long-Term Therapy

While often times threads will morph into a different discussion and that's okay, this one has morphed into one that is against guidelines by becoming personal with unsupportive posting.

This thread will be closed while the Team discusses possible edits to bring the thread back to it's original subject.