Anti-therapy thoughts

Sometimes, those guys are just dead flat wrong. Splitting? Good lord.

The deceit for me therapists indeed played the role of healers and shamans, but under the pretense of being scientific. They receive training at (sometimes prestigious) accredited schools, are awarded degrees after what we're told is rigorous academic training. I didn't learn until too late that my insurance company and I were paying for divination and sorcery.

With all the accreditation and medical endorsement that mental health treatment carries, I feel I'm entitled to informed consent if they deliver no more than incantation.

I shared before that I dated two therapists. Not only they were very messed up they both freely admitted being totally messed up! I have no idea how they can even help anyone? One was probably the worst guy I ever dated. Scary.

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I wish therapy would work for people and I wish I hadn't been so hurt by it and I wish so many others weren't so hurt by it. It seems like such a broken way for people to try to heal.

I found this thread very eye opening, and depressing at the same time. It took me awhile to get through it. I really do identify with a lot of the posts on here. Let me say, I highly respect my T, and I believe she cares, wants what's best for me, and wants me to get better. My T has also gone above and beyond for me, as I have taken up many a thought for her during her personal time. And she keeps in touch with me even when she's on vacations and things....and I found out (later) that when she was going through a great deal of turmoil in her life, she canceled at least 90% of her sessions, but she didn't cancel mine as she thought I needed them. There were times she did have to cancel during that time, several times, but she rescheduled when she could, and she also didn't cancel even when she knew she was in no shape to be at work. She did that for me. It makes me feel bad.

I am one of those who feels like I have gotten worse since therapy. There is an added stress there that was not there before. And it got worse when boundaries changed. I think they should discuss any changes in boundaries with their clients, especially if they decide on their own that they will tighten them up or deny their client something they offered before. It did my trust NO favors when she decided to terminate a behavior, and not even tell me she would be or did. Made me feel like I'm just not important enough to talk to about such things. The damage this has done has nearly drug me back to where I was almost a year ago, just starting out and trying to figure out that it was ok to trust/talk to her. I can talk quite openly about some things still, just as I would a friend or acquaintance, but there are some things I will NOT open up about. I'm so numb I can no longer even cry, in therapy or out. My tears are gone. Instead of "I'm sorry I hurt you," I get "I'm sorry you feel this way." I'm now extremely hyper vigilant on anything I see might be changing during our sessions. Overreacting, yes, but she changed things without telling me before...she can do it again. I care very much for my T. I feel a therapeutic love for her. I have no ET...in fact, I don't really even think I have MT... just a very strong attachment for her as I see her. I wanted to quit. I was close to it. But I decided to do myself a favor and give it time, with the idea that "time heals all wounds." But she hurt me a great deal (after she'd recently said no one can hurt me anymore).

I have seen positive changed in therapy, but the agony I seem to be putting myself through...I just wonder if it's worth the heartache. This is not how I envisioned therapy, and I feel horribly pathetic for the way I feel. I'm noticing myself pushing some people away in my real life now.... not wanting to be too attached or dependent on anyone. I hate how I am, who I am, and I started therapy to hopefully change that. It's only made me hate who I am even more. Sorry for the downer post. This was a rough thread, and really hit close to home. And I'm in one of those moods anyway....

I think some Ts are good at therapy but some are lousy at it. Some of the things on this thread ring true for me about my ex-T. But my new T is completely different. I think the problem is that some of the ts who are lousy at it have no idea.

It would be totally kick *** if therapists were bona-fide healers and shamans. Healers and shamans go through a lot more than your average therapist to earn their stripes though. If I could find a therapist who'd spent years vomiting their guts out in Ayahuasca ceremonies and speaking with jaguar spirits and surviving malaria etc, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

And that's probably a huge part of the problem. Anyone can do a two year course and hang out a shingle which declares them the equivalent of a wisewoman or man.

And no good shaman tells someone to come every week, talk for an hour, and make an offering that is a significant portion of their income to do so either.

So, while I agree there may be a need for such a figure, I'm not convinced that therapists really fit the bill. The analogy is good on the surface, but it breaks down pretty heavily under even cursory analysis.

I think a lot of us tend to default to "you don't care" when someone isn't able to help us. The fact is, a lot of people do care but they are limited, flawed humans who are simply incapable.

I know a lot of T's and soon-to-be-T's (A LOT) and I've never met one where I didn't think they cared a lot about their clients. Even the lousy ones. Perhaps there are a few who don't care but these are a minority. If you display a lack of caring and empathy, your graduate program will do its best to stop you from graduating.

Having said that, lots of T's are massively ineffective and they do nothing meaningful to change that because they are deluded about their own abilities. Unless you do something really unethical, once you have your license there is really nothing anyone can do to take it away.

Even for those who are effective, you can't be THAT effective. If you think about it, it's kind of an impossible profession. You are handed people who are in pain, stuck, tied up in knots inside, who have survived terrible things or with actual biological problems with their brains, who have tried everything they can think of already to fix it and failed. Now you are supposed to fix everything by just talking to them. And you are supposed to support yourself on the money from that, in spite of the fact that you have massive loans from graduate school and the people who need your help most don't have much money. Also in spite of the fact that many of the people who need your help the most won't trust you, will view you in the most negative light possible, and won't follow even one of your suggestions. You are not allowed to help your clients in any concrete way besides talking or to see them outside of a paid session or someone will take away your license.

So, you know, piece of cake, basically...

I think they know what they are getting into when they go into the profession whereas many clients really don't know what therapy can and cannot do. It would be better if therapists were more upfront about the limitations of the profession. That's my opinion anyway.

And they are the ones who set it up that way.
And I don't think it matters if they care or not. I actually find them thinking they care to be worse. Like they think they get a pass because they care so very much. Caring itself by those guys is useless in my opinion.

Most ethical codes instruct T's to inform clients about the benefits, risks, and alternatives to therapy but in my experience few actually do this. It's something I would like to do differently.

Well, you can't blame each individual T for what society and the profession as a whole have collectively decided. For example, I would love for T's to be paid by the government so that everyone can have free therapy, but in order for that to happen I'd have to be living in a country with socialized healthcare. If I want to be a T in the US then I have to accept private pay or dealing with insurance companies.

In spite of all the problems, the research still indicates that MOST people are helped by therapy. Although that doesn't make it suck less for those who've not been helped or who have been hurt.

I don't blame each individual one - I just don't feel sorry for them. Surely their alleged training would let those people know what they are getting into and they choose to do it - and they don't often seem to choose to work to change it. And the studies often do not reflect those who dropped out and don't reflect why they say it helped or if simple time would have been as effective, or other alternatives like yoga etc. Plus the studies are often done by them so there is a bit of a bias.

Judging by what's being posted on this forum so many clients are in love with their therapists that it makes their job so much more difficult. I can only imagine. Unless they like the admiration, then it's just gross

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Many of them do like admiration, unfortunately, and, yes, it's gross because it shows how deeply insecure they are and how that insecurity makes them do the work for the wrong reason.

To be clear, when I say "them", I am not generalizing. I don't mean all of them. I am referring only to those who have this problem, but, unfortunately, more of them do than people can imagine, at least based on my experience.

And yet the first one I see has indicated my lack of love for her is both not usual and is a thing that is challenging for her to deal with

This is one of the main problems. The current therapy training enforces and re-enforces this delusion. Both therapists and clients would benefit from therapists just being honest about the limits of their knowledge.

The REAL informed consent is paramount to reduce the risk of harm. When I say "real", I mean the one that reflects the reality of our knowledge of human mind, which, at the moment, is very limited. I don't mean the meaningless "informed" consent that therapists currently hand to clients before the work starts that basically says that therapy involves "some risks" as well as benefits. This kind of "informed" consent doesn't inform anyone about anything.

I think there can be better training. One of the reasons I like the DBT method is the honesty in it. My T has said to me, "You can't fail DBT, but DBT can fail you." And that's even been said in the context of just everyday therapy. I also appreciate the team approach. My T isn't working in a vacuum and has admitted his shortcomings to me. He consults with other therapists that he works with and trusts and I'm as much a part of my therapy as he is. He doesn't take an authoritarian approach with me. "A collaboration among equals" is how it's explained.

(That being said, I don't "love" my T. I like him a great deal but not in a romantic way).

That being said, I'm sure there are plenty of crappy DBT Ts.

I think, perhaps, honest and real accountability is what's needed. Therapists definitely can screw things up royally since our emotions are so complex. Is it more education? More training?

She said something about your lack of love for her??? The heck? We supposed to love our therapists? It is challenging for her if we don't love them? Oh my. This is just crazy

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All my therapists led me to believe they could "fix" my problems; they never talked about their limitations; they never told me the that therapy could leave me more infantile, enfeebled and fixated on my problems. When I've asserted this in internet discussions therapists have become enraged and use logical fallacy to either discredit me personally or set up straw men.

The "ethics" books I've seen seem primarily concerned with license hearings and lawsuits--THEIR hind ends--rather than client welfare. They have slim literature about harm in therapy, and I've encountered few books or articles by professionals warning consumers not to surrender judgment or they aren't necessarily a candidate for treatments. Most professional articles about harm in therapy chastise consumers to return to the bullfight and "do our homework" in selected one the next time. They talk about "a few bad apples" rather than question the flaws of the system.

One typical professional comment is here:
50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling
where a therapist spews at clients hurt in therapy.
Search Diana August 11th, 2010
In response, other professionals defend the website, but not one questions her rage at clients.

That's totally valid and I agree 100%.

I don't use insurance because to me, it's not a medical thing. (It is to many people, I understand that. It's just not how I look at it.)

Many therapists (and maybe many clients and certainly insurance companies) desire and require the validation of science and medicine, which is all a wink-and-nod because everyone knows it's the paid relationship that can heal.

I think there's a lot of ego in why clients aren't told what we're really buying. And maybe there's a placebo effect -- we believe that someone with all these qualifications can help us, and that helps them to help us.

I think a huge disclaimer should be a part of the initial therapy paperwork that we sign. And that disclaimer should let clients know that nobody knows why therapy works, or even if it does, and that there are no guarantees that we will be better off at the end, and in fact, there is REAL risk that we will be worse off.

I wrote as much to my first therapist, who harmed me. I was slow to trust my second therapist and I was much more buyer-beware the second time around. Shame that client protections aren't enough to make everyone aware.

I think the placebo effect is a very real thing around therapists and therapy.

I also do not consider it a medical situation and do not use insurance.

Its sad that so many people have so many bad experience with therapy.
If you dont like it and dont think it does any good, then why go at all? If youre an adult then you can make the choice to not go.

For me it was a matter of not realizing it until the damage was done. I thought the pain I felt was a result of "my issues."

This is completely ridiculous but I'm still struggling with this. I went to see my pdoc today and we were talking about my new med and how it feels and he was making kind faces and listening... And I wanted to run screaming out of there. It's like my usual trust issues have multiplied by a million.

A lot of people are hurt by their therapists *after* they have already invested time, money and emotion in them. You can see that several times on the front page of this forum. The OP of this thread has been in therapy for at least 5 years, from what I gather.

In fact, it's usually the people who think their therapists are super awesome, and who blur boundaries and have 'unorthodox' styles who end up being hurt the most.

If you really think it is as simple as "well if you don't like it, don't go" then I guess you've been deliberately avoiding all the threads where people have been left in a heap by their therapists after years of investment.

People like me, who are irritated at the outset, have a much better chance of getting out. It's the people who accept that the therapist is there for them only to be terminated unethically, have boundaries shifted radically, or be otherwise hurt that are truly at risk.

The fact of the matter is, the more you think your therapist is super awesome and will always be there for you, the more vulnerable you are to being let down. It's my opinion that the more these threads provoke a response of revulsion, the more likely it is that the reader is in a precarious therapeutic relationship themselves.