Two days and I farewell T for good

I'm not feeling much of anything, think I have shut down. I know inside deep under the surface I am not good.

You have no idea, at all, how intense and intimate(emotionally) a therapy relationship can become when you first enter into one. I had no idea.

This hurts more than I think it ought to. That is why I have stopped with the feeling thing.

I hope I can keep it together in session in 2 days time. It will feel dreadful to walk out that door for the final time.

I could do with some positive thoughts for support, please....

I can relate. I remember that feeling all too well. It is very hard. Be kind to yourself. I am so sorry you are going through this. It will not always feel this awful.

Jane, I don't even know how to console you. I fear the same thing! I hope that in time these feelings subside for you and that the skills you learned will help you to cope and continue to be well. Peace and hugs !

This. Exactly this. That same feeling took me by surprise as well. I had no idea I could have such depth of pain for a loss of someone in my life, let alone a therapist. I still think it hurts more than it should, too.
However, I also know (at least intellectually), that it's a "normal" response. At least a common response, since I'm not sure the word "normal" ever really applies.

It will take time to heal and for the pain to subside. It's similar to losing a spouse or anyone else that you are very close to.

Give yourself time to grieve. It's ok to feel the emotions so you can work to get past them.
Give yourself the kindness you would give to anyone who was grieving a loss of a loved one.
You always have us at PC to lean on for support!

You know, the wound was already there, caused by life, by childhood stuff. It wasnt my ex-h's who made me miserable - they were random guys who had no idea what they were getting into. This wound is a part of you, like your shoe size. The wound is only caused one way - but healing it is more like relay race, it takes a team to heal it - let people pass the baton as they help you.

That is so true, I can totally relate. I could never have imagined I would get so attached to a stranger and feel so heartbroken when therapy ended.

What helps for me, is that I can be grateful for what therapy brought me. What I've learned, what I've become, how I felt "therapy loved".

Also, I made sure I got good closure. I asked and told my T everything I wanted to know and say. Prior to the final session, we both wrote down our view to my therapy and read it to each other in session. That was a beautiful moment that I think about a lot.

Thanks for the support everyone. Sometimes I think it would have been better to have the previous session as the final one, it was so lovely, and so I am considering not showing up tomorrow.

Although when I mentioned to T that I may not show up rather than having to say goodbye, it looked as if the thought was sad or hurtful to him. So, I'll show up, just like I have for every single other session.

I think this would be a much easier farewell if it was a mutual decision, if I felt ready to end therapy. The choice was taken from me though and made by him, so it just doesn't feel right.

Wonder if I'll get sleep tonight? *insert crazy maniacal laughter here* not likely.

I think so too. It's easier to be the one that says goodbye. I'm sorry this happened to you.

It could be that your T is sad about you leaving and needs the closure too. I know my T was, even though he didn't show it that much. I guess because therapy is about the client, not about the therapist. And I was struggling so much with the ending. He hardly mentioned he was going to miss me until one of my last sessions.

Take care

Thinking of you.

Ugh, 5 hours to appointment. Sick to tummy otherwise nothing.......

Will I have courage to ask for a hug goodbye? Unlikely.

Im so sorry.

Yes, you can do this!

How did it go?

Yes, I'm wondering how you're doing. Hope you're okay!

Thanks for asking.

It went as well as it could. And as I got up to leave I instinctively turned to move towards T for a hug then caught myself and started to walk out the door. He said "yes we can, I'm ok with it" and I dumbly asked what do you mean. He said have a hug Jane. So I went back in the door and we hugged.

I guess it shows how good a connection we had that he just knew what I wanted and needed. I think he wanted it too. It was a genuine and warm hug and felt really special.

Tearing up now typing this. I didnt cry in session, sobbed as soon as I got in my car. Mostly I am pushing the emotion away.

I'm just so so sad.

I am SO glad to hear the two of you hugged! I have been hoping that would be the case.

I am also glad you got a nice warm hug from this T. You do deserve that.