[stopdog]

I sometimes read where others look at a therapist as a role model - is this common?

[ThisWayOut]

Hmm, I had to think about this for a bit.
I don't use my T as a role model for most things (because I do not know my T well-enough to consider it), but some things like "good self-care" and positive self-talk are things I may take from my interactions with T. It may not be something T does outside the office, but I wouldn't know...
As for other things, I don't see how I could know enough about T to consider her a role model. Maybe in my effort to be less judgemental? I dunno.

[Mike_J]

Well my therapist can't be my roll model for all things, after all she is a she, she can be a roll model for being a parent but not for being a father, if that makes any sense.

I hedged and voted "other".

I like the role model definition: A person who serves as a model in a particular behavioral or social role for another person to emulate.

I say I like that definition because I do not consider my therapist as a role model in all things. The thing I like about her and would love to learn how to emulate is how unflappable she is. I mean the lady just doesn't get rattled. I tend to be a very passionate person and somewhat impulsive when it comes to something I feel passionate about and I often feel as though I respond with too much passion and hype. I'd like to learn how to be more reflective and calm when faced with a subject that is strongly emotional to me. So, in that sense, I do feel that I watch her closely (when I'm not overwhelmed emotionally LOL) and attempt to see how she presents "behaviorally" in an unflappable manner.

I don't need to use my therapist to model values, attitudes and/or moral issues because I feel that I learned what those things were for me a long time ago and I'm comfortable with what I learned and incorporated within myself.

[WrkNPrgress]

I can honestly say I don't know enough about my T personally to apply the term "role model" to her. I know I admire some of the skills she puts forth during session, her patience, her focus and her good hugs. I have no idea what her overall personality might be outside of sessions. (Though I did see her out in pubic once and she appeared to be looking impatient and irritated with someone over the phone. I only noticed because I was amused to see a side I hadn't seen before.)

That opinion might be more about my perspective on the concept of "role models" in general. I find the concept kind of tricky. Plenty of people we might label as "role models" for good reasons can fall short when we try to label at them as a whole. Everyone is human and has failures. If we respect someone for their talents, skills, and certain personality traits we should recognize them for that and be able accept that other areas of their personality might disappoint us or be disagreeable.

That's life and it's okay.

I voted "other."

I don't see him as a role model in general. I do see him model healthy boundaries, effective communication, etc. which are things I have internalized, partially through watching him model these.

But in the more common sense of the term, as someone who is a model of all I should be or something? No. Not at all.

I simply have learned from how he models certain behaviors, but I see that more as a teaching thing than I do as "role modeling." I might should have voted the second choice I guess, but too late to fix that now.

[brillskep]

My therapist is a professional role model for me as well as a role model for a few other things, but there are also areas where I disagree with him and don't want to be like him.

[divine1966]

Heck no.

In my experience with therapists as people ( not in therapy but knowing them in real world) they are messed up and some aren't even nice lol sure hope they aren't anybody's role models.

The one I see now and the one I saw before are decent not really messed up, but they aren't any different than me in a sense of role models. They are middle age professional clean females and mothers, same as me. We share same values and morals and they have similar views on life. The only difference I am divorced but they are married but I don't see it as role models. Just how their lives played out.

Ps maybe if I knew how they handle their finances and they did it well they would be my role models as that's the area I need to improve but I don't know how they do it. My Finances do come up as it is something I am working on but not how they personally handled it.

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I voted no. I see my T and I as being two unique individuals, I don't see my therapy as being about me becoming in some way more like her.

[justdesserts]

I like and admire my t, but I don't want to be like him. I think there is something wrong with me, though, because I have never have had role models.

[JustShakey]

Yes and no. I think of my previous T as somewhat of a role model but seeing as I don't really know her and I saw her for such a short period of time it doesn't quite fit. It's more that I project traits that I admire and would like to emulate onto her. I imagine her being how I would like to be myself...
Like others have said, my T isn't a role model so much as he models how to do various things for me - healthy relationships and self acceptance for starters... He tells me that I'm a role model - for women who are in or have been in abusive relationships. Not sure how I feel about that one...


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[musinglizzy]

I voted no. Our lives are completely different. I do not see her as a role model.

[stopdog]

I meant it more generally - like see them as modeling how to do anything for you - I did not foresee the challenges over the word role part.

[brillskep]

I just wanted to add, I really don't think being a role model implies modeling every little thing. For example, though I definitely consider my therapist a professional role model for me as a therapist, there are a number of things he has done that I really wouldn't do his way in my practice. Same goes with relationships, etc. I guess for me there is a significant difference between having a role model and trying to imitate that person. It's more like noticing we think similarly in many areas and the other person has more experience / knowledge / skills to deal with some situations, and I learn from them what works for me. Actually, I remember thAt, a few months into my therapy, for some reason I was so embarrassed to feel like my therapist could be a role model for me. Ironically, the more i know who I am and where I am different from him as well as where I am similar, the more comfortable I feel having a role model. I take it as a way of enriching my personality and style, rather than losing my individuality.

[scorpiosis37]

I voted no. I see myself and my T as equals, and as unique individuals. I like my T very much, but I have no desire to be more like her and I have no need for her to model anything for me. I simply have no use for role models at this point in my life. There are things I use my T for, such as a source of support, someone to listen, etc.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I like and admire my t, but I don't want to be like him. I think there is something wrong with me, though, because I have never have had role models.

I don't have role models either, never had.

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[FranzJosef]

I used to regard my Ts as role models but not any more. I guess this is evidence of growth?

[FranzJosef]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I meant it more generally - like see them as modeling how to do anything for you - I did not foresee the challenges over the word role part.

Some Ts are "do as I say, not as I do." A big disappointment but that's life.

[NowhereUSA]

My T is really good at listening and validating and so I've really seen him as a role model on how to do that in my own life. Idk. He could suck a$s IRL at doing it but I think within the therapeutic boundaries he does a good job and it's worth emulating.

But I don't see him as a "role model" for who I want to be "when I grow up." So I chose, "Yes, for specific things."

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by FranzJosef

Some Ts are "do as I say, not as I do." A big disappointment but that's life.

Pardon? I don't use the woman as a model/teacher for anything - I just wondered if others do. I only meant as they are in their office - not in the real world - who knows what they are really like?

[FranzJosef]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Pardon? I don't use the woman as a model/teacher for anything - I just wondered if others do. I only meant as they are in their office - not in the real world - who knows what they are really like?

OK, I'll clarify. I meant a T was trying to encourage certain behaviour in me which they were not exhibiting in session themselves. They were modelling the wrong role, so to speak.

I wanted this T as a role model but they did not measure up.

[stopdog]

Ah - sometimes they are but mere actors. They do not necessarily personally embody that virtue that they put forth.

[Gavinandnikki]

As a role model - never. I didn't need one.

As a surrogate Mom - yes. I needed someone I could trust and lean on while I fought my battles.

I voted "I use the therapist as a role model for some specific things but not in general". I don't know enough about her personally to say she's a role model overall. And there is something that I suspect about her personally that I do not wish to emulate in my life. I don't really want to share that publicly though. Not that it's anything bad, it's just something that's very not me is all. The things I see her as a role model for are: having boundaries (I've established some with my family where I'd never had any before), being able to laugh at myself, and being humble enough to know the work never stops. Stuff along those lines. I admire the heck out of her for those things.

And for putting up with me, of course.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Pardon? I don't use the woman as a model/teacher for anything - I just wondered if others do. I only meant as they are in their office - not in the real world - who knows what they are really like?

I'm starting to get a glimpse I think, of what my t is "really" like (hence what I said in my initial response to this thread) - our t relationship has felt different recently, part of that involves the sense on my part that she's not really working anymore to keep "her stuff" out of my sessions, as there are comments she makes here and there that she would never had said in the past. Ever since she recently told me that I don't need therapy anymore, that i haven't for awhile, things have felt different. It's interesting though, I'll say that! I feel like I'm seeing more of "her" and less of "the t persona" or something. And it's not a bad thing, at all. It seems like the perfect way to end our work together. Sorry didn't mean to hijack. The poll just really set me to thinking!