[ErinBear]

Hi,

It seems like there are so many hard things here. It is so upset.

About fifteen years ago, I saw a counselor for about few years. He ended the relationship really suddenly. I came to his office for a session and he told me that he was stopping with that session. It wasn't even a complete session - we only met for about five minutes and he stopped. He said all sorts of horrible things and told me I was a bad person and just like his wife (I am not - I think the only thing we have in common is that we are both female). I later found out he was about to get a divorce and maybe that was the problem, I don't know. But I didn't think he should have done that, and it really upset me deeply. He even charged me for the session (!) and then sort of chucked me out of the office. No referrals, nothing. It was a mess from my perspective. I was so upset. I didn't understand it. I took about ten years before I was willing to try counseling again. It seemed pretty unethical to me, but in retrospect, a lot of things he did were.

I hadn't had any contact with him all this time. I did try to contact him one time. A few months after he quit, my father died. I tried to contact him because I was upset the day my father died, and really confused. I guess I was stupid to try to contact him - what was I thinking? Anyway, he didn't respond. But that was all, and that was the end of that.

Anyway, right now I am housesitting for friends, and yesterday there was this phone call for the people who own the home. It was this former counselor from fifteen years ago. Somehow he must know the people who live here. He did not recognize me and I didn't say who I was. It completely unnerved me. And got me riled up. And he was acting like a jerk on the phone to me. GRRRRRRRRRRR. It just got me all incredibly upset and I don't have all the words for it, and nobody to talk to about it here.

Things are such a bad mess here, and I didn't need something else to go wrong. I didn't need to hear his voice, or have a conversation with him, even taking a message for somebody else. I didn't need that to happen. It's like it landed in my lap, and here it is.

And the other T, I talked to him Friday. It is all so hard. I guess I am going to see him again on Tuesday, but I don't even know why, or what the point is. We both agree terminating is the right idea, and in a way, I thought we'd already terminated last week. But things are really bad here and I don't have any alternate ideas right now. I think probably seeing him on Tuesday will just make things worse. He asked if I should go back in the hospital when we talked on the phone. Part of me thought yes, but I know I can't pay for it, and there is nothing they can do to help in the hospital either. I hate this. I don't know anything I can do to make things better now.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

sorry

really upset
and i did not need to hear the old counselor on the phone
and I'm frustrated
and I am sick of all of this
and I am really tired
thank you for listening

take care
ErinBear

oh ErinBear!! ! That sounds so distressing!!!!!!!!!

HUGSSSSSS Wow. I dont even know what to say. I hope you know that you are going through allot and I hope you have resources to help you along. Giving you hugs to sooth the pain.

ev

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((ErinBear))))))))))))))))))))))))))) That is a lot. I am sorry that so much is happening. All I know to offer is I am here and listening. I am so sorry. Take care.

BB

[SecretGarden]

I am so sorry Erinbear. This does sound distressing. Sorry this person's voice came back to you... Perhaps you can work it through this week. It sounds like you are much better off without him.

(( erinbear ))

I'm not clear as to why you're terminating with the current T but I wonder if you worked on this issue regarding your former T with him? Sudden abandonment by your T is huge. You need to talk about that and about why you considered going to him again after he did that to you.

What happened with your former T sounds like what's happening now with your current T. Does it feel that way to you a bit?

Are you really wanting to terminate with your current T? Or are you agreeing to a suggestion by him?

I hope you'll talk to him about all this and have at least a few more sessions with him, or with someone else. The reaction you had to hearing the former T's voice says you haven't worked through his abandonment/abusiveness.

No, you didn't 'need' to have this happen, but that's just what life does, darn it... dumps it right in your lap. Lucky for us, once it's there.. we can start to deal with it.

[MissCharlotte]

(((((Erin Bear)))))

What an awful shock it must have been to hear that voice at this time! I can't help but think you need some support at this time. Another T perhaps? Letting your relationship with the current T last an extra week or 2? Asking him for a referral? If there is any way you can discuss this with your current T before you finish with him, I vote for that.

Best wishes and be good to yourself.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( ErinBear )))))))))))))))

The first T sounds completely unethical and abusive in his abandonment of you, I'm so sorry! And what a weird coincidence to get him on the phone grrrrrrrrrrr

I can understand your waiting 10 years to see another T after seeing a jerk like that! Garbage like that makes it so hard to trust enough to try again :

I hope the other T can help you with this, and we're here... post as much as you need to!

Im sorry you are going through such a rough time.

You know something, you said your former T. didn't know it was you on the phone and yet he was "acting like a jerk on the phone"--- that just goes to show you that it's him that is the problem for sure!!
argh!!
Not you-- it's not your fault-- I hope you know that Erinbear.

Please take care of you.

Erinbear-

mandy

[ErinBear]

(((((Esthersvirtue)))))) Thank you so much for the hugs, and for listening. I appreciate it so much.

Thank you -

Hugs,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

((((((((((Bipolar Bear))))))))))) thank you so much for the hugs, and for listening. Thanks....I appreciate it a lot.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thank you, Secret Garden. Yes, I'm better off without the counselor from 15 years ago, even though that was a hard thing when it happened. Thanks for listening, Secret Garden.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thanks Echoes. I don't know exactly what we'll be talking about when we meet on Tuesday - we might talk about this situation a bit, but I imagine probably we'll mostly try to figure out what the next step would be, if there will be one (i.e., seeing another therapist). I don't think we'll be having many more meetings, so probably we'll stay on task trying to figure out what might happen next. We both think termination makes sense. I don't seem to fit into the kind of therapy he offers. But he is a better therapist than this other therapist was so long ago, even if the situation isn't what I would like. Hope that makes sense.

I don't really know right now if I'll be continuing in therapy at all. That's up in the air. Thinking about it.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((((ErinBear))))))))))))))))))

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to talk to him on the phone .. i know it would be hard enough to me to have a conversation with my old T - and her and I were really close.

I can't believe how he treated you though ... you deserve so much better than that.

Best of luck on Tuesday, I sincerely hope that things work out okay for you ...


Jacq

[ErinBear]

Hi Sister,

Thanks so much for the note. I appreciate it a lot. It was a shock to hear the voice of the former T on the phone yesterday, it's true. I do wish there were some other forms of support right now. I will be seeing the most recent T on Tuesday, but that wasn't a very supportive working relationship and don't expect anything helpful to come of that meeting. We theoretically terminated already, and still plan to terminate. But I'll see him on Tuesday and maybe I can come up with a plan of what to do next, if anything, in terms of counseling/therapy. Anyway, thanks for the note, and for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Hi Fuzzybear,

Thanks - yes - you hit the nail on the head. Trusting is a hard thing. It's hard with trusting again in terms of counseling/therapy and I don't know about trying again now. I think maybe I'm done with trying. I don't know if people just get to a place where it is too hard to keep trying to trust counselors/Ts but maybe I have gotten to that place. I did have a good T in the middle there, but he moved away last spring. I still miss him.

Thanks for listening, Fuzzybear. hugs if okay ((((((Fuzzybear)))))

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thanks Mandyfins.....yes, I had the strange feeling that this old T probably hadn't really changed in all those years, and somehow I had. Which was an odd feeling. Good in some ways, I suppose, and sad and upsetting in others I guess.

Thanks for listening, Mandyfins.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thanks jaq10 - I appreciate your note. I was just thinking on the plus side, at least it was a random thing and is exceedingly unlikely to happen again any time soon. So that's a good thing.

Yes, I hope things go well on Tuesday too. Thanks so much for your good wishes.

Take care,
ErinBear