[lu2415]

Hello,

I have been working with a wonderful therapist for the better part of the past 3 years. We have done a great deal of work in that time, but not really hitting the "core" of my issues (complex trauma as a child that lasted for years) until more recently. However, I am having a terribly difficult time actually working through the trauma. (Just a little background - emotions were NOT okay to share with anyone when I was a child and I still have a terribly difficult time allowing people to see that I, in fact, have emotions.)

I feel as though I want to work through it, but as soon as I get into the therapy room, my anxiety level goes completely out of control. I feel like I'm not in control of myself anymore and I'm not really able to use any coping skills (deep breathing, grounding techniques) to regulate myself. My therapist is always very patient and never pushes me to go beyond where I'm ready, but I'm getting frustrated. I'm paying a lot of money to go every week and we are barely able to talk about anything because we can't seem to get the anxiety under control enough so that I can have coherent thoughts and participate in a conversation.

Does anyone have any ideas or tips of things that have worked for them? I really feel like my therapist has tried a variety of things to help me out (she's tried giving me time and space, guiding me in grounding activities, changing the topic completely), but my body just isn't cooperating. I get in there and I feel like I'm a traumatized 2 year-old again...

Thank you, Luisa

[Rainydaiz]

My t says to be grateful to the part of me that is the protective part for keeping me safe all these years. It's hard to be grateful- I get that myself and I feel that frustration. I'm sick of shutting down just before a session and I seem to have a hurry up drive. I get completely where you are coming from- though I'm just beginning to get there I think. She says not to spend energy fighting that part of me and accept it instead. It is there for a reason. But by pushing it away and getting frustrated with it it is counterproductive- it will just dig in more. Hope that makes sense and is helpful. If not please ignore! Not an easy answer I'm afraid.

[BonnieJean]

Since it is from when you were a child you might feel it in certain areas of your body. Mine can be in my 'Tummy' or chest. We talk at a very viserral level at those times because the cognitive or intellectual is not very accessible. I talk about my tummy hurting and sometimes that leads to some unraveling of the anxiety. T helps me experience it and accept it. T can experience it with you more like at a child level which is something you didn't have as a child if feelings 'weren't allowed." I know it is frustrating but the only way around it may be thru it and then trying to go thru grounding or relaxation stuff before you leave.

[SoupDragon]

I can relate to what you say, I have been seeing my T for 5 years and it is frustrating. I think it has got a little easier though, I don't dissociate in the same way anymore.

[Rainydaiz]

Thinking about it some more... for me the issue is not necessarily that I don't trust my t. I do trust her. But my child part doesn't trust my adult part. And rightly so because the adult part hates the child part. That has stopped me from opening up. I'm working on liking the child part.

[ruh roh]

I never got past this with previous therapists. I think part of that was due to the anxiety/fear becoming solidified over time. With the therapist I see now, I made a decision to get some of the tough things out from the get go, before withholding and fear became a pattern. It has worked really well.

Even now, when I feel myself unable to get to something deeper, I make myself not think about it, and just go for it. It's sort of like deciding to jump in the water without knowing how to swim, only to find the water's not nearly as treacherous as I'd thought it would be.

You just have to keep going.

[OneWorld]

I've been dealing with this for 2 years. It is now easier but still not easy. We start many sessions with a deep breathing meditation thing to initially calm my nerves. When I am anxious, she will ask me where I feel it in my body and we talk about the anxiety and what might be making me feel that way - not about the actual issue that I'm afraid to talk about but the reasons I'm afraid to talk about it.

For me, it is hard wired in me to react that way and to hide. It's going to take time to reverse that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lu2415]

Originally Posted by Rainydaiz

Thinking about it some more... for me the issue is not necessarily that I don't trust my t. I do trust her. But my child part doesn't trust my adult part. And rightly so because the adult part hates the child part. That has stopped me from opening up. I'm working on liking the child part.

This is EXACTLY how I feel, but haven't been able to put it into those words. My adult-part also hates my child part and I'm not sure that my child part trusts my T (or anyone for that matter). Thank you so much!

[Rainydaiz]

It helps to know I'm not alone. Thank you too.