[mandehble]

I've had many false starts with psychotherapy, but have never actually had a T that I liked and could see for an extended period of time. Recently, I decided that I want to make getting quality therapy a top priority and have started making plans to save money for it and find a rock star T.

In my research, I found someone a while back who seems absolutely perfect. He's male, which is sort of important to me for reasons I'll discuss if anyone is interested. He specializes in all of the things that I believe my issues/symptoms stem from. He wrote a book on said topic, which I read and it now holds a place of honour on my nightstand. I even wrote an amazon review which I'd like to share here since I'm completely secretive about my therapy obsession in my day-to-day personal life. Anyway, I hope that my potential future T reads my review and is able to laugh at it and I hope whoever reads it here will be amused as well. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I used an alias:

I bought this book because I thought the topic would be interesting and the author seemed like a very engaging speaker - It was, and he is, but after having read it, I came to some uncomfortable revelations about myself and my own history, after which my hair turned grey, I developed a stutter, and now I can't eat dairy... Okay, those last three things aren't true, and the suggestion that I was previously unaware of my insecure attachment style is dishonest as well. All joking aside, I found that this book gave me some valuable insight into my own condition and provided an interesting glimpse into the world of psychotherapy from the perspective of the clinician. The writing is very clear and accessible, and the case examples are compelling and with well-considered significance. In reading this book, I had hoped that the idea of actually trusting a therapist might seem less complicated and threatening afterward. I was not disappointed.

Margot P. Logan-Pryce, Credentials Inconsequential

[growlycat]

A good T doesn't have to be well published or famous. In fact, beware big egos.

Start with someone trusted in your healthcare like a GP or pdoc who can help refer you to the right person.

[mandehble]

There's no one in my area I can see at the moment. I live in a very rural area and I would not expect to find anyone competent out here. I don't even have a GP - I'm lucky if I get to see a nurse practitioner once every three months. I'm also not under the impression that well-published is better... but the book was good and the dude seems to know what he's talking about. I'll eventually make the move back to the city that he practices in...where he also teaches at the university I graduated from, oddly enough. I'll do some more research at that time.

I think any author who writes a book appreciates a positive review of the book and some indication that the reviewer got something important from reading it. That said, as someone who also struggles staying connected with a therapist for any length of time, I hope you're able to go into your next "attempt" a therapy by fully disclosing your difficulty connecting and sticking out the relationship process involved in psychotherapy. One thing I've learned is that I can ALWAYS find fault with the therapist attempting to build a relationship with me. I can always believe that the next "rock star" therapist is going to be the one who will help me understand myself better so I can bring about the change I need to feel happier and more engaged in life. Guess what? It isn't about the rock star quality of the "new" therapist I've chosen to bring about those changes; it's about my failure to stay engaged even when things get tough and I want to dismiss the "new" therapist as a dud that doesn't know squat. Just my thoughts on what I've learned about my inability to find a therapist I "liked" or wanted to stick with for any length of time.

[ruh roh]

Idealizing someone can definitely lead to attachment, but not the good kind. There's a lot to be said for a slow and plodding development of relationship.

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

I think any author who writes a book appreciates a positive review of the book and some indication that the reviewer got something important from reading it. That said, as someone who also struggles staying connected with a therapist for any length of time, I hope you're able to go into your next "attempt" a therapy by fully disclosing your difficulty connecting and sticking out the relationship process involved in psychotherapy. One thing I've learned is that I can ALWAYS find fault with the therapist attempting to build a relationship with me. I can always believe that the next "rock star" therapist is going to be the one who will help me understand myself better so I can bring about the change I need to feel happier and more engaged in life. Guess what? It isn't about the rock star quality of the "new" therapist I've chosen to bring about those changes; it's about my failure to stay engaged even when things get tough and I want to dismiss the "new" therapist as a dud that doesn't know squat. Just my thoughts on what I've learned about my inability to find a therapist I "liked" or wanted to stick with for any length of time.

SO well said! I do plan on fully disclosing my difficulty connecting in my next attempt at therapy. I have my eyes on this therapist in particular because he seems to have based his work and research around working with avoidant clients and building strong therapeutic relationships... that said, I hope I haven't set my expectations too high, because I don't want to end up being disappointed or worse, lashing out and being difficult because I have expectations that are ridiculous and impossible to meet. I'm making every attempt to be aware and mindful of my issues and to do solid pre-therapy work of my own, including figuring out what I areas I need to work on, what I really want to change, and what difficulties or obstacles I might encounter.

I'm curious what sort of faults you've found with therapist who have tried to build a relationship with you. For me personally, I've found myself scoffing at what I perceive to be unfair generalizations or assumptions a therapist might make about me. I've also had inappropriately averse reactions to suggestions a therapist has made that I then take to mean that they must not understand me, e.g. suggesting that I talk to my brother about my struggle with depression or suggesting that I turn to 'alternative medicine'.

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Idealizing someone can definitely lead to attachment, but not the good kind. There's a lot to be said for a slow and plodding development of relationship.

This is true, and I worry a bit that I've idealized him too much already. That said, I won't be able to seek treatment for at least another year, probably more. By that time, any idealization I have now will likely have long since faded. Possibly, he won't even be practicing anymore by the time I'm able to get therapy. We'll see what happens.

[sailorboy]

You ever try online dating? A lot of people seem like a great match on "paper" but don't match up in reality.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the book but if you're interested in therapy I wouldn't wait until you move to potentially get it with someone you don't have a relationship with.

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by sailorboy

You ever try online dating? A lot of people seem like a great match on "paper" but don't match up in reality.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the book but if you're interested in therapy I wouldn't wait until you move to potentially get it with someone you don't have a relationship with.

Well, relationships have to start somewhere, don't they? I'm in no way nailed down to the idea of seeing this T in particular and as stated in a previous reply, there are no therapists in my area. I live in a very rural community and I'm lucky if I get to see a nurse practitioner once every three months. Yes, I have tried online dating and I'm also not lying when I say that I've done a great deal of research in terms of what issues I would like to explore in therapy and which type of therapy will likely suit me best. Trust that I know my own situation better than you do.

[musinglizzy]

Around the same time I started seeing my T, I learned (on my own, she didn't tell me) that she wrote a book. It was a memoir of her very nonconventional childhood, which I found fascinating. I read it, and didn't want to admit to her that I found out she wrote it...but when I finally told her, she was touched. I also put a review on Amazon and intend to read it again sometime. You always miss something the first time. I think she is a gifted writer and had quite the story to tell...and I always looked up to her more after reading it. She's always been very modest about it.

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Around the same time I started seeing my T, I learned (on my own, she didn't tell me) that she wrote a book. It was a memoir of her very nonconventional childhood, which I found fascinating. I read it, and didn't want to admit to her that I found out she wrote it...but when I finally told her, she was touched. I also put a review on Amazon and intend to read it again sometime. You always miss something the first time. I think she is a gifted writer and had quite the story to tell...and I always looked up to her more after reading it. She's always been very modest about it.

That's awesome! I'm happy to hear that someone else had a positive experience reading a T's book. It's even more encouraging to hear that you overcame your apprehension about telling her that you read her book and it turned out favourably. Do you mind if I ask what the nature of her 'nonconventional' childhood looked like? It sounds interesting!

[sailorboy]

Originally Posted by mandehble

Well, relationships have to start somewhere, don't they? I'm in no way nailed down to the idea of seeing this T in particular and as stated in a previous reply, there are no therapists in my area. I live in a very rural community and I'm lucky if I get to see a nurse practitioner once every three months. Yes, I have tried online dating and I'm also not lying when I say that I've done a great deal of research in terms of what issues I would like to explore in therapy and which type of therapy will likely suit me best. Trust that I know my own situation better than you do.

Ok, if you think it's a better idea to plan for a possible treatment years in the future based on your research than to take advice from people who have, in fact, received successful treatment then good luck.