[emptyspace]

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When someone writes about the "work" of therapy, what does it mean to you?

Working through the transference?
Allowing yourself to feel the emotions?
Talking about difficult topics?
Changing your thoughts and behaviors?
All of these?
Other?

I see this used frequently, but find it hard to believe that it means the same to all of us?

I think you are right. It is different for everyone. For me, I guess the real work of therapy was taking what I was learning about myself, about communication, about whatever and actually using it and applying it on my own outside of session. If I left all of that isolated to my therapist's office, then I was just spinning my wheels. I needed to do more than just talk about it; until I actively worked to utilize and eventually internalize all of that talk, the real work, for me, didn't really begin. It was outside of session that I did the real work.

[unaluna]

Maybe not so much that the topic is difficult per se, but saying this one thing - whatever it is - is really excruciating for some reason. It can be something like asking for a drink of water. Its not really technically a difficult topic, but it does relate to having needs, and thats what makes it excruciating. So doing the work for me was getting "normal" about a glass of water, for example. Being able to just ask for one. Being able to share this part of the human experience. Between weird italian manners and religious ideas about sacrifice, this IS a big thing for me. So this times a million other things.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I think you are right. It is different for everyone. For me, I guess the real work of therapy was taking what I was learning about myself, about communication, about whatever and actually using it and applying it on my own outside of session. If I left all of that isolated to my therapist's office, then I was just spinning my wheels. I needed to do more than just talk about it; until I actively worked to utilize and eventually internalize all of that talk, the real work, for me, didn't really begin. It was outside of session that I did the real work.

Ditto all of that.

For me the 'work' is also letting difficult emotions come up to the surface in front of someone else and trusting them and myself to understand and validate what I'm going through. It'd hard just to be honest and admit a lot of my own stuff, fears, family history, etc. and it'd be a whole lot easier in the short run to just ignore everything and coast through life.

The last session I had, I took it 'easy' and kind of avoided examination of some heavier sad stuff. My T didn't press me but now I regret it. It doesn't feel good to avoid stuff anymore. I want to do the work.

[divine1966]

For me work meant being able to recognize some unhealthy patterns and be aware of them, being aware leads to growth. I was never able to fully recognize where the unhealthy patterns come from until I've met my t. For me it's mostly talking things through sbd finally saying things aloud and then all of a sudden I have clarity.



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That is a great question. For me it is feeling the feelings and saying the difficult things. For me it is about what goes on in the session, not about outside the sessions. So far I've seen some changes in me outside the sessions, but I feel like they just happen, I haven't worked on them.

[msjblonde]

I really don't know why but I find the term 'the work' irritating. Well, I think its because I can't see anything concrete which actually amounts to work, like a thesis to write or a caseload of client notes, that's work. So, my brain struggles because it can't attach itself to anything which looks like actual physical or academic work. Every time my T uses the term I wince a bit and wish she would call it something else.

[stopdog]

I think it is a phrase therapists started using to make it appear as though they were doing something and as a way to blame clients for not changing fast enough or in the ways the therapist wanted. I think here it is often used to blame the client too.

I don't personally recall a therapist ever using the term "work" with me. "Practice"- yes. "Application" - yes. I personally think of it as a stubborn commitment on my part, to do whatever the heck I needed to do to get past my crap so I could move on with life. I was fed up with being stuck in instability and deliberately vowed to do whatever it took, no matter how difficult it was. Call that work I guess. It certainly has been.

[JustShakey]

All of them apply at one level or another, but I think the big one for me right now is allowing myself to feel the emotions. Harder than it sounds, but I noticed just this week that if I can manage to 'feel' when I start getting anxious instead of telling myself that I'm okay and I have no reason to be upset, that the anxiety dissipates. Learning to do that is definitely work. It takes a good amount of focus not to fall into the old pattern.

[LonesomeTonight]

For me, at the moment, I think it's all of the things you listed. But that just happens to be where I am in therapy right now. Particularly with the working through the transference. I guess to add to that list, discussing things from my childhood and the feelings they bring up and working through them. And dealing with feelings of anger, even though it's a very difficult emotion for me (I tend to turn it inward instead of outward).

[nottrustin]

For me doing the work means showing up for my appointments not only physically but emotionally. It means that I will discuss topics and do my best to work through whatever emotions come with it without automatically shutting down when it becomes hard. . That I will be able to co communicate when I don't understand or need something. It also means that I am willing to try to make the changes necessary in order to live a better life.

[iheartjacques]

changing old bad habits or behaviours for new ones.

[Restin]

Right on, Draggers!! For me the terrifying topic was the Transference relationship with T...everything about it. We are into "the work" of seeing how my early childhood struggles with my bad mother and bad caregivers are embodied in my T. I'm terrified to say the words to my therapist when I really feel them for her. I know what you mean when it's very difficult to even ask for a glass of water. But that's where real healing starts and we're not just intellectualizing about feelings , but actually Doing them with T.

[Victoria'smom]

For me works means getting use to the healthy me .

[Partless]

It means committing to do what's needed, according to the therapist, to get better. For some it means just showing up, others have specific homework to do outside session, etc. Sometimes it's really just a matter of not giving up. New things are tough. Leaving abuse is tough, changing old patterns is tough. If it was easy, we'd have done them long ago. The therapist has a particular view of if and how change can be done. But it would require that patient be on the same page. It's not as easy as taking a med. Involves the patient doing things differently, going out of their comfort zone, committing to this new way of doing things. Not everybody is motivated enough to go through with it. I had come to a position in my life when the motivation was finally there. If the motivation and commitment is not for someone, therapy won't "work."

Sometimes it's just pushing yourself to go to your session.