[WrkNPrgress]

How much eye contact are you able to make with your therapist?

I find myself looking away, at the space in between us, or at the floor for a majority of our session. I don't know why. I think it has something to do needing to focus on the wheels turning in my head.,i.e., I"m looking inward to think about stuff, but I also think there's a certain sign of inhibition there as well.

I'm thinking about eye contact in my everyday life, I don't find it a problem when I talk to other people I know but with strangers, clerks at a store, or some such, I'm not very good at it.

I guess I wish I could make more eye contact but when I do it feel a bit forced.

[Soccer mom]

I tend to look around when I'm talking but then I make eye contact at pauses or when she's talking. I have told her how much I enjoy it. I don't think I had much eye contact as a child so it feels awesome. It's like she's piercing my soul, "holding" me with her eyes, etc. I want to look but at a point it becomes painful - like too good? I feel like I'm getting a corrective experience, attunement, catharsis, etc. with it. It's not always easy but I get more out of looking at her in the eyes than others.

I don't feel like I have a problem with eye contact in general though. I agree, I feel like I can think better when I'm not having a "moment" with her eyes. lol

[PinkFlamingo99]

I always got told when I was young and painfully shy that I was "antisocial" and people would "hate me" for avoiding eye contact. It's very hard because when I talk about certain things in therapy I look at the ground because it's too intense, but I feel that conflicting worry come up in me that looking at the ground makes me antisocial and rude. I think some things are just way too intense. When I ask my therapist something I know she's going to react to or I feel ashamed saying, I just can't look at her.

[Crook32]

I am getting better looking at my T but I still feel like I look at her so infrequently that I wouldn't recognize her if we bump into each other on the street.

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[divine1966]

I make eye contact easily. It's never a problem

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[Chummy]

With T: I make often eye contact with her. It wasn't always easy to do, but the longer I knew her, the easier it got. But if things get difficult or emotional, then I tend to look away from her. When I want to tell her something really hard I look at the ground or at her feet.

With pdoc: I barely look him in the eyes. I usually look at the ground, at his desk, or at something else in the room. I don't know what it is that makes eye contact so hard. Maybe I'm afraid to see something in his eyes, something judmental toward me and what I say.

With other people I don't have much trouble making eye contact, as long as it doesn't get personal.
I had a lot of trouble with making eye contact as a teenager. I also hide behind my hair a lot. But from previous T's I got a lot of critic about it. It slowly changed. I don't find it always easy, I do it more because it's considered to be polite.

[AllHeart]

My eye contact with T is great when we are just chatting. Therapy time is a whole 'nother story! I sometimes go so far as to hide my face in my hands when I talk to her, or I have my head turned to the side. It's so, super hard to talk about my stuff. I guess it's a little easier to do if I don't let myself see her.

[pbutton]

I am horrible at eye contact. I fare better with pdoc than with T, but I am not all that great at it with other people either. Part of it is an ADHD focus thing for me, but not all of it. It's also habit, as well as being much more comfortable for me.

[RedSun]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

My eye contact with T is great when we are just chatting. Therapy time is a whole 'nother story! I sometimes go so far as to hide my face in my hands when I talk to her, or I have my head turned to the side. It's so, super hard to talk about my stuff. I guess it's a little easier to do if I don't let myself see her.

Yes, this is me, too. Sometimes I do try to look at her when I'm talking about difficult stuff, but then I have to look away. I cover my face, or look at the floor....
I am getting better though. I just feel too 'seen' somehow, it makes me feel vulnerable. Like I might cry. In which case, the earth would hurl off its' axis and we would tumble into the sun, so, best not.

[FranzJosef]

Eye contact was something I had to work at. But I did get better.

[stopdog]

I mostly only look at the first one when angry at her.
In real life I make eye contact all the time (not weirdly - just the usual when talking to people)

I think I have only ever glanced at him twice but never made eye contact I don't make eye contact with many people particularly adults I find it incredibly painful and uncomfortable and doing it actually makes me feel disgusting.

[laxer12]

It took me awhile to get comfortable making eye contact with T but now I actually like looking at her because she makes me feel like she really cares. With other people, I have no problem looking them in the eyes, especially when they are talking. It is the eye contact during silences with T that I still struggle with. I would love to hold eye contact with her for a bit but I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or have her look away first. If she were to look away first I would feel rejected...

[Sawyerr]

Most of the time I am not able to look her in the eyes. I want to, but it's just too intense and scary for me, and I end up looking at the wall whole session long. If she sits closer to me, or touch/hold me, I can look her in the eyes, though it's still very intense. At those moments she feels so familiar and "mine" that it makes me feel hypnotised. It's like I can't keep my eyes of hers.

I used to make poor eye contact in therapy, but that has improved.

I still find it hard to look her in the eyes, especially when feeling vulnerable.

I tend to look at her hands on her knees and her feet.

[ThingWithFeathers]

My t and I have good eye contact during sessions. She looks at me almost the entire time, but there is a gentleness and softness to them. I feel comforted from her gaze, it's not an intimating stare. At first I didn't look at her at all, but her eye contact draws me in. We look at each other most of the session, except when I am ashamed, fearful, embarressed or sad. I look away automatically when I feel like that. She tries to draw me back by still engaging in looking at me with a warm, non-judgmental gaze.

[justdesserts]

I have had to work at it, but I'm getting much better at eye contact and finding that I enjoy our conversations a lot more and get more out of them when I look at t.

Our chairs are not facing each other . . . would it be appropriate to make eye contact in this situation? The chairs are both at about a 30 degree angle to the adjacent wall, sort of like the top lines of the following two symbols . . . " < >"

[Coco3]

I used to have problems with making eye contact with almost anyone. I would feel exposed or something. I looked away often and also look at peoples mouths or between the eyes. I can't remember, but I think I had had trouble making eye contact with my T at the beginning of therapy. That must've been.

But later on I got used to it and even started to like it, because I felt valued and seen. (I'm okay with eye contact in general now, I learned that from it). I looked my T in the eyes for the most part of the session. But not when I needed to focus or when I felt very vulnerable.

[iheartjacques]

I have no choice but to look at my t because I'm deaf and I lipread. But I do push my chair back a bit on an angle. And when I talk about hard stuff, I look away. But when I do look at him, he seems kind most of the time.