[AnxiousGirl]

I'm 19 (yes I do have other posts like this but I need some more input). I was pretty much forced into going to therapy when I was 18 and I've been going for a year. The therapist is nice so I'm sure it's not because of her that I hate going. In the first few months I didn't really mind it, but for the past 2 months or so I'm beginning to hate it. I get so mad leading up the appointments and I just sit there and say nothing because I'm too afraid to speak, then come home feeling like garbage. I dont know what it is to be honest, maybe it's the fact that I hate admitting my weaknesses or something. One thing I hate though is that fact that when I send emails or write letters, my T makes me read it out loud... I say no, and T keeps making me do it for some reason. I sent an email 2 weeks ago (haven't seen T in like a month) and I have an appt next week so I'm dreading that.. Not sure if I should cancel again (like I did with this weeks).

Any input would be appreciated ! Thank you !

[Perna]

I think you have to deal with the "forced into going to therapy" part of your life before therapy can be of much use to you? If you don't want to be there (horse being led to water, etc.) it's probably just going to be an exercise in your resisting; which habit you really don't want to be practicing/getting good at!

Why are you still going to therapy if you don't want to and how can you make it easier for yourself (not have to spend so much energy fighting it) if you still feel like it is a good idea for you to go (in order for someone to pay for school, your own place, other bills/support, etc.)?

[ruh roh]

I agree with Perna.

If you don't want to go and it's not useful, take a break—months or years if you need to. When you feel ready to make the most of therapy, try again with someone who respects your boundaries (not forcing you to read things, for example).

If for some reason you must be in therapy, maybe find something concrete to work on that interferes with your daily life--a specific fear or anxiety—and stick to that.

[AnxiousGirl]

The reason she makes me read is because thats one of my fears. To talk about feelings out loud in front of people, thats the problem. I dont want to do it but I have to. Im stuck in the middle !

[ruh roh]

That describes a big chunk of people who go into therapy. Forcing people to do something they fear doesn't, in my experience, help them cope or move past it. The effect this is having on you seems to be causing you more distress.

A lot of people write things down and ask not to read them aloud. Maybe you could try a different therapist? Or, take a break...

[precaryous]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I have anxiety, too.

Just a thought- do you think you will stop writing to her? How can she make you do anything?

I hate reading emotion-laden letters to my therapist, too. But many times reading them to T has led to emotional breakthroughs and new insights for me. Perhaps you can print out your post and read it to T. You might learn why she wants you to do it. You may learn why you dread it so much.

A little self discovery is not altogether a bad thing.