[musinglizzy]

Does anyone feel bitter towards their past? I'm amazed by how much this emotion has popped up since I started therapy over a year ago. I suppose because I'm talking about it so much (even though that's not what brought me to therapy).

Just talking about it, thinking about it, makes me feel angry...bitter...at the thought of the life I wanted, but never had. My T says it was my birthright, it's everyone's birthright to be born into loving, respectful homes. I honestly don't like dwelling on my past, but she says it's important to move on. So, I talk about it....but has made me a pretty bitter person.

[ruh roh]

When I have to look after an abusive relative, I can feel resentful later on that day; but it makes me feel worse, so I try to balance it by telling myself I want to be the opposite of the way that person behaved.

Mostly, though, the past makes me feel sad and empty.

I don't agree that it's a birthright to be born into a loving, respectful home, not when I consider the horrors of children living in war zones, or the girls and women who are ***ed on the regular, or even in this country where 25% of children live in poverty and a growing number have parents in jail. But, I would agree that it would be wonderful to have that for every child.

I guess I'm at a point now where I appreciate every kindness, whether it's through a neighbor, co-worker, a cashier, or my therapist.

[JustShakey]

I don't think I'm bitter so much as angry at all those wasted years. Sad too... I figure the best I can do is not waste any more. I'm trying to use the anger as a drive to make the life I want for myself.

[stopdog]

No, not really for me. My childhood was not particularly awful.

[BayBrony]

I don't feel bitter. I feel a sense of grief and failure-- like who would I be and what would I have accomplished if I'd had a decent childhood. But I don't feel bitter

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't feel bitter about my past. I do feel sadness for what I endured. I do wonder how my life might be different if I wasn't neglected.

What I do feel bitter about is my mental health. Everyone tells me how much potential I have, how I could do any career I want to do. But my stupid mental health problems always get in the way. I feel like a waste of life. I know my past exasperated my mental health, but I also was born emotionally sensitive. And my parents had their own mental health issues which maybe I inherited something? Idk. I just hate where I'm at in life: 32, can't hold down a job, don't know how to have a friendship, and struggle to leave the house. Yet, intellectually, I could be so much more. My dream would have been to be an architect, but nope. /sigh

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I don't feel bitter. I feel a sense of grief and failure-- like who would I be and what would I have accomplished if I'd had a decent childhood. But I don't feel bitter

That's EXACTLY how I feel.....

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

That's EXACTLY how I feel.....

But as my T says "that way lies madness"
You'll never know who you might have been or what could have happened or whether it would have made you happier than you are now

[Myrto]

I'm afraid to become more and more resentful as I grow older actually.
It's not so much that I feel bitter towards the past (my childhood was good, my teenage years and up till now hasn't), I feel bitter about other people who don't realize how fortunate they are, how easy life is for them, who didn't have to struggle and who will never have to.
It's not fair to feel that way but I can't help it.

I'm sorry you feel that way. It can be a vicious poison because it detracts you from actually changing things, improving your life. But it's human.

[atisketatasket]

There are things in my life I feel bitter about (my childhood isn't one of them). They are things I feel I can't do much about, however much they affect my life, and which I didn't cause, and that is the source of the bitterness. I know there are better ways of dealing with them than bitterness, and sometimes I even manage to do that.

It sounds like dealing with the issues is causing your bitterness. It's an unpleasant feeling, but it should be possible to come to terms with it at least partially. It's not wrong or unnatural to be bitter - it just feels dreadful.

[Coco3]

Not bitter, but I've been angry and sad about it when I was still in therapy. I felt like I missed out on so many things. My life has been on hold for so long. It could have been better, happier, easier.

It sucks right now to talk about it and have all these feelings, but I think it will get better for you. Talking about my past helped get it out of my system. Not all, but enough to move on and learn to live with it. The anger and sadness faded along with it.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am very bitter and angry about my past. I very often wonder who I would be if I had a better childhood. I feel like I've missed out on so much and I will never have the life I wanted. I will never have the parents that I wanted. I think I am more hurt than bitter. The emotional pain is bad. I would rather physically hurt than have this hole in my heart that will never be filled.

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[notwithhaste]

I totally get this. I've become increasingly bitter over the course of my therapy, too. For me, it's that I look at my T and think about what an amazing mother she must be to her kids -- and then I look at my mother, and I feel incredibly bitter that I got stuck with her. Therapy seems to have brought out a lot of anger in me.

I don't think I was ever particularly bitter. Very, very wounded and depressed though. I tended to turn that anger inward rather than to look at it in context of others.

Not about my childhood, no. About other things, sometimes. I am learning to turn it inwards but it is a difficult process.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Not about my childhood, no. About other things, sometimes. I am learning to turn it inwards but it is a difficult process.

Turning it inward is not the answer either. Turning it inward leaves a person depressed basically. For me, I had to simply reach a place of acceptance that my history was my history -- and yes, at times it was pretty awful. I can't change that, and I finally decided to be done trying to change the impossible (my past). But my present is a different story; I don't have to stay mired in my past.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by notwithhaste

I totally get this. I've become increasingly bitter over the course of my therapy, too. For me, it's that I look at my T and think about what an amazing mother she must be to her kids -- and then I look at my mother, and I feel incredibly bitter that I got stuck with her. Therapy seems to have brought out a lot of anger in me.

Wow, I could have written this word for word. It kills me to look at my T and see/think about how good of a mom she is to her kids. I know how much it hurts and Im sorry you are hurting

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I don't feel bitter. I feel a sense of grief and failure-- like who would I be and what would I have accomplished if I'd had a decent childhood. But I don't feel bitter

Exactly!! I feel the grief and failure with regards to my early adulthood to present years. As for my childhood, I feel sheer sadness about that. And shame for all the years. Lots and lots of shame!

[divine1966]

Nope. Feeling bitter isn't the way I operate. I am not into moping and dwelling either. I pick myself up and keep going ( it isn't always the best as I often don't allow myself to grieve over anything).

Life is too short to waste it on being bitter


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[unaluna]

Sometimes i think its lucky my mother got me for a daughter, cuz a regular kid would not have survived. Like some people here say they talked back to their mothers - i didnt do that even when i was over fifty! That woman has a temper, a mean left, and some dangerous rings. I keep my distance. Maybe she has explosive whatever disorder - idk. Not bitter - just wish id figured it out and what it all meant to my life sooner.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by hankster

Sometimes i think its lucky my mother got me for a daughter, cuz a regular kid would not have survived. Like some people here say they talked back to their mothers - i didnt do that even when i was over fifty! That woman has a temper, a mean left, and some dangerous rings. I keep my distance. Maybe she has explosive whatever disorder - idk. Not bitter - just wish id figured it out and what it all meant to my life sooner.

Same experience with my dad. Yes wish I understood earlier

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I don't feel bitter about my past. I don't really buy into the whole "deserve a decent childhood" thing. Life is hard for everyone in different ways.

I just want to make a good life for me and my own children and focusing on the past just takes away from that goal.

[justdesserts]

Originally Posted by hankster

Sometimes i think its lucky my mother got me for a daughter, cuz a regular kid would not have survived. Like some people here say they talked back to their mothers - i didnt do that even when i was over fifty! That woman has a temper, a mean left, and some dangerous rings. I keep my distance. Maybe she has explosive whatever disorder - idk. Not bitter - just wish id figured it out and what it all meant to my life sooner.

I've felt this way my whole life--probably to a pathological level, like I was there to protect my mom from herself because if she would have had another kid, neither one of them would have survived. Thanks for putting my feelings into words.

[justdesserts]

I don't feel bitter, but maybe that's part of my pathology. I'm still in the phase where I feel like I got what I deserved cosmically.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Turning it inward is not the answer either. Turning it inward leaves a person depressed basically. For me, I had to simply reach a place of acceptance that my history was my history -- and yes, at times it was pretty awful. I can't change that, and I finally decided to be done trying to change the impossible (my past). But my present is a different story; I don't have to stay mired in my past.

Sorry, I realise it might have looked like I was reacting to your post because my wording was the same, but I don't think I had even seen it when I started writing. I was only talking about what I try to do for myself, and for me it is the answer. It is maybe not healthy, but it is infinitely better than the alternative - for me.