Bitterness

So true. I do dig into my past because I am working on stoping attracting wrong men.

But I agree on focusing on a good life now not fixing the past.

I made an effort to raise my daughter differently. She isn't a people pleaser like me isn't afraid to speak her mind and isn't attracting any crazies lol she is happily married to a nice man. I was always petrified she would have the same track record with men ( or women) as me. Nope.


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I don't feel bitter, I feel hollow. I'm not sure who I could have become were the circumstances different. I know that people who have grown up in foster care or adoptive families have their own set of challenges and hardships. Even so, I have wished for a very long time that I had been fostered or adopted by another family. So ... while I do not feel bitterness, I do feel envious or jealous of those who were provided a warm, loving and safe foster or adoptive homes. I feel pretty pathetic saying that - I know realisticly that many people who have gone through 'the system' have been impacted on negatively. Still, that feeling of envy remains deep inside me.

My son in laws mother was an addict who neglected her children( she didn't feed them and they walked around the streets hungry among other things), they were taken from her by the state twice. She died young of addiction.

My son in law was then raising his little brother. He is an awesome person. There is nothing bitter about him. He couldn't go to college though because of extreme poverty and having to take care of his brother. He started college when he met my daughter, she kind of forced him too. Lol He is almost done, and he works full time. I know others who emerged from horrible situations. It's tough but all we can do is focus on the positive. And build better lives for our kids



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I think there's a point at which therapy needs to move on from the anger/bitterness, but some therapists really fuel it (at least, the ones I have seen) and it becomes self-destructive. I had one that desperately wanted me to be angry and it did not end well. The one I see now said she thought anger could be healthy, but I think she now sees my point. I let resentment pop up, then fade away. I do not want to live in it.

I don't think I feel bitter, just an incredible, sometimes overwhelming feeling, of deep deep sorrow and sadness. My parent's weren't horrible or abusive; they were simply clueless and didn't understand their 2nd. child, who was very different in both looks, temperament, intellectual interest & social intelligence, from their other four children. My sorrow and sadness comes from years of me trying, unsuccessfully, to gain their approval and acceptance. I knew as I got older that my parents loved me, they just didn't get me and that caused me terrible loneliness and mental anguish. And they weren't able to protect me during or after the abuse, they just didn't GET IT or recognize it or validate what it did to me.

I wish I could say that I've learned to "move on" from this need to gain their acceptance and approval (my dad is three years passed and my mom is in her mid 80's), but I can still feel the terrible painful twinge of non approval at times . . . but I'm getting better at recognizing what the pain comes from and moving on. I think my sadness now, at my advanced age , comes from a realization that time is short and I've wasted so many years seeking that approval. If I can say anything to you younger people, it's about truly finding someone to help you focus on validation from within, rather than from the outside. My life hasn't been wasted, but it sure could have been better if I had learned to love and validate myself, rather than concentrating on the voices of self-hatred that plagued me for so many years.

My t told me that I have to accept that my parents are who they are. I cannot change them. It is what it is and don't let the fact that they are unhealthy have any power over you. They aren't healthy in how they handle life but it doesn't have to ruin my present life and I don't have to be like them or live my life same way. So true. It became easier for me to accept that my dad is who he is.

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Not sure if bitter would be how Id describe it. Sometimes it is a seething hatred, sometimes a deep depression, and sometimes I feel nothing at all.