Crying A Lot.

treloarbabe · Jul 01, 2015, 10:49 AM

Do you cry lot in therapy and if so what does your therapist do?

I just cried in therapy last week, 10 weeks into working with her. I am petrified that she will leave me now that I am crying or think that I am better now because I am crying?

I have read on here that a few of you cry loads in therapy like every session for years and that's what I'd like to be able to do eventually but I need to know that she will be there for me, no matter how much I cry for however long I need her for.

So to all of you who are big criers in therapy, what does it feel like, how long have you been in t etc.

Thanks!

CopperStar · Jul 01, 2015, 11:00 AM

Any therapist worth their salt will not be fazed by a client crying.

Hell I was in a facility years ago where the client with the therapist in the room next door to me and my therapist, that client would have severe anger outbursts and start yelling like crazy. But she was back every other week with him (the therapist) and my therapist and I would hear it coming through the wall and be like O_O and then have a small chuckle.

So don't worry about some crying, unless your therapist totally sucks they will not suddenly dump you as a client just because you cried, that would be insane.

Jul 01, 2015, 11:08 AM

I doubt a client crying is at all surprising or bothersome to a good therapist.

I cry when it comes. I hate all the tears and snot

, but it doesn't have any effect on how my therapist works with me. He takes it very much in stride.

ruh roh · Jul 01, 2015, 11:10 AM

With the therapist I saw before my current one, I cried a lot. Just about every session. She didn't really react to it. I learned to bring my own tissues. I was deeply distraught about my life and therapy was doing nothing for it. She moved. I got on medication. Started seeing a new therapist that I have a much better relationship with, but because I'm on medication I don't really cry at all. If I do, she doesn't act like it's anything. I just keep talking through it (being a natural at it) and that's that.

I think most therapists (at least the ones I've seen) don't think anything of it.

Chummy · Jul 01, 2015, 11:16 AM

I cry sometimes. This is actually the first T I cried in front of. I know her for about 4 years, but I did had a break of therapy when it went better with me. The first time I was in therapy with her, I didn't cry often. I think that was because it was the anxiety disorder that was really bad and the depression wasn't that bad. Now the depression is very bad. And we're also talking about things that happened in the past. I didn't talk about some of those things the first time in therapy with her because I thought it wasn't neccessary.

I don't cry in every session and usually it are just some tears. A few times it was really crying, tears were pouring down my face. I don't like that crying. I don't really like doing that in front of somebody. What my T does also depends a little on how I'm acting. Like if I just cry, don't look at her, don't say anything, she will wait until I'm ready to say something and sometimes she will try to get me talking, like ''can you tell me what's going on in you''. Also when I really cry, I cover my eyes with my hands, like I don't want her to see me crying. She said that I don't have to hide my tears and that I can just let the emotion be there (something like that).
She handles it well.

I don't think a therapist would dumb you for crying. Therapist know that a client can start crying in therapy. Therapy is to talk about things you find difficult, so crying can happen.

ThisWayOut · 02:32 PM

I generally don't cry, so I think my t might be more shocked if I cried... as others have said, I don't think t will base success or failure on your ability to cry in session. Unless crying in front of t is your only expressed goal in therapy, and you choose to leave once that's happened, I'm pretty sure overall emotional health is what they look at for closing out a client (at least the good ones).

Ellahmae · Jul 01, 2015, 12:55 PM

I thought when I stopped crying my T would leave me because I was 'showing' I was better. She told me that it didn't matter how I 'displayed' in t.

laxer12 · Jul 01, 2015, 01:56 PM

I've been seeing my T for about 8 months now and I have yet to cry. I've come close a few times but I just can't bring myself to do it. At first I was afraid that she wouldn't think I was actually depressed or struggling because I couldn't cry but I just don't cry easily in front of people and she knows that.

Now, if I were to go to a session drunk and we talked about heavy stuff, then I would probably cry

divine1966 · Jul 01, 2015, 02:17 PM

I cried. Few times. I was talking about some sad topics. I cry easily in general but not for no reason

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Cinnamon_Stick · Jul 01, 2015, 02:29 PM

I have not cried in session. I came close to it but I just held it in and started talking about something unrelated to therapy.

I talked to my T on the phone Monday night and we talked about some pretty heavy stuff that was hard and I did cry a couple of times during our conversation. I don't know if she didn't realize it or just ignored it because she never said anything. It was nice to cry on the phone with her and she couldn't see me. (I don't like crying in front of anyone)

LonesomeTonight · Jul 01, 2015, 03:48 PM

Oh, I cry all the time. I was totally sobbing in front of my T today. I cried in front of my marriage counselor Monday. I even cried in front of my p-doc, who I never cry in front of, on Friday (it's been a rough couple weeks!). I apologize for it sometimes, especially if it keeps me from talking or I seem especially snotty, but they always say it's OK. And I use their tissues unless they run out. I feel like crying helps me get the emotions out. I'm pretty sure they're used to it. I mean, there's a reason they all have tissues in their offices, right?

Besides in those offices, I mostly cry in private though. Like in the shower or when I'm alone in my car. But I guess the fact that I can cry in their offices means I feel safe there...

Jul 01, 2015, 04:05 PM

I've never cried in front of my T. He's constantly telling me it's ok to cry, but I just can't go there...yet. I often wonder if our relationship would change if I cried in front of him.

musinglizzy · Jul 01, 2015, 04:17 PM

It took me awhile to cry in front of my T, but now it's much easier than I want it to be. I think the first time I cried she probably thought she hit the T jackpot...they WANT us to cry. It's a release. When I finally broke down and cried, my mentality was "T won." I felt like she'd been trying to get me to...aside from trying to talk me into it...I just sat there and shook, and at times dissociated. Since the tears fall freely, I don't dissociate NEAR like I used to, I still shake quite a bit though, but I know I'm still fighting with myself. I'm not a fan of people seeing me cry.... but it's all to normal with my T now.

And I don't think they judge you if you don't cry/stop crying. My T has always said that ending therapy because "I'm cured" (I'm just being silly with that phrase) will be a mutual decision. Even if I appear better, I'm not better until I say I am. Unfortunately I have a very long way to go....

treloarbabe · Jul 01, 2015, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Oh, I cry all the time. I was totally sobbing in front of my T today. I cried in front of my marriage counselor Monday. I even cried in front of my p-doc, who I never cry in front of, on Friday (it's been a rough couple weeks!). I apologize for it sometimes, especially if it keeps me from talking or I seem especially snotty, but they always say it's OK. And I use their tissues unless they run out. I feel like crying helps me get the emotions out. I'm pretty sure they're used to it. I mean, there's a reason they all have tissues in their offices, right?

Besides in those offices, I mostly cry in private though. Like in the shower or when I'm alone in my car. But I guess the fact that I can cry in their offices means I feel safe there...

:-) How long have you been in T?

Jul 01, 2015, 08:00 PM

I am a crier. My t takes it in stride, I would say. I've been seeing/talking to her for over 3.5 years now. I was crying on the phone with her just yesterday (we do phone sessions). I think it was like the 2nd or 3rd appointment when I cried for the first time with her. That was back when I still saw her in person before she moved, and it was like lolagrace said all "tears and snot" (

she is so funny) and I said 'This is the REAL me you are seeing now" and she wasn't phased at all, I think that's when I first began to feel so completely accepted by her.

eta: I'm a shower-crier too, big time.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 01, 2015, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treloarbabe

:-) How long have you been in T?

I've been seeing my individual T for about 3.5 years. Marriage counselor for 2.5 years off and on (so probably more like 1.5 or 2 years total). I've only been seeing my current p-doc for about 5 months and I see her much less often than the others, so it was kind of a big deal that I was crying in there Friday.

Somewhat related side note. They have the upright boxes of tissues, I think Kleenex brand. I noticed at one point that the kind they get have white tissues for most of it, then the last 5-10 tissues are peach-colored. So recently, I've made a comment to both T and MC if I pulled one out that was peach, saying, "Oh, you're almost out of tissues." Neither of them had realized they worked that way. Then Monday, MC mentioned it to the receptionist, who's been there a long time--she didn't realize it either! So they said I'd taught them something. I guess maybe I was more aware because it was like, "Uh-oh, only a few tissues left, better ease up on the tears," when I got to that point. (Note that I didn't use the whole box myself.)

LonesomeTonight · Jul 01, 2015, 08:29 PM

Also, for me, it can be hard for me to cry in front of someone the first time, whether a T, a friend, or a romantic partner (married now). I fear being that vulnerable. But then once I've cried in front of a person once, it's very easy for me to do it again. It's like I've broken down that barrier.

doyoutrustme · Jul 01, 2015, 08:30 PM

in more concerned when I don't cry! I cry easily, and I got really good at crying and talking at the same time.

like no biggy at all. Just water coming out my face holes.

velcro003 · Jul 01, 2015, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

. So recently, I've made a comment to both T and MC if I pulled one out that was peach, saying, "Oh, you're almost out of tissues." Neither of them had realized they worked that way. Then Monday, MC mentioned it to the receptionist, who's been there a long time--she didn't realize it either! So they said I'd taught them something. I guess maybe I was more aware because it was like, "Uh-oh, only a few tissues left, better ease up on the tears," when I got to that point. (Note that I didn't use the whole box myself.)

WHAT?! IS THAT TRUE!!!? I never knew!

LonesomeTonight · Jul 01, 2015, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

WHAT?! IS THAT TRUE!!!? I never knew!

It's not for all boxes of tissues--I think just ones used in offices and some hotels (from my experience). Glad to enlighten you!

Ellahmae · Jul 01, 2015, 09:27 PM

Professional tissue boxes change colors toward the bottom so you know when to get a new box so the clinician isn't caught off guard. 😊

ameliaxxx · Jul 02, 2015, 01:48 AM

For as much as a I cry on my own time, in private on a weekly basis, I've only cried about 3-4 times in the 5 years I've seen my therapist.

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velcro003 · Jul 03, 2015, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

Professional tissue boxes change colors toward the bottom so you know when to get a new box so the clinician isn't caught off guard. 😊

OMG, professional tissue boxes! Hysterical!

Ellahmae · Jul 03, 2015, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

OMG, professional tissue boxes! Hysterical!

The word commercial was probably a better choice lol

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 03, 2015, 09:37 PM

I cried a lot with ex-T. I have already cried ~4 times with new T (11 weeks). I have to be triggered to cry. I kinda can't help it since ex-T left. But I hate crying. I'm always afraid it will lead to a breakdown. And I feel embarrassed too. Still, I cry. Hasn't scared away anyone yet.

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