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  #1  
Old Jul 04, 2015, 08:35 PM
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Elkino Elkino is offline
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I really had a bad session a couple of days ago. The conclusion was that I had gained so much insight, learned so much through therapy... I only don't apply those things at all. I guess it was true.
I started to get upset and I thought I noticed some frustration from my T's side too.

A couple of hours after that session I sent an email to say I was very sorry. Not something I do all the time. In a way I had hoped to get at least 'some' reaction. Nothing happened though and I start to feel as if my apology wasn't accepted. Almost to the point where I'd cancel future appointments because I have the feeling I'm only wasting T's and my own time. I guess that'd be a bit over reacted though.

Anyone else ever sent an apology to which he/she never got a reply? How did you handle it?
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LonesomeTonight

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  #2  
Old Jul 04, 2015, 08:46 PM
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ThisWayOut ThisWayOut is offline
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I'm sorry it was so rough. I'm guessing T is not meaning to convey that the apology is not accepted. I can think of a number fo reasons a T mght not repond to an email like that.
1 - T might have not gotten the email
2 - T might be busy and not checked the email or had time to respond
3 - T might be waiting to bring it up in session

and I am sure there are any number of other reasons for T's lack of response.

I've had any number of phone calls to which T did not respond outside of session. A few were ones where I really felt rejected. It's always ended with T addressing it in session though. The biggest things were always things T wanted to make sure there was no misunderstanding about (which can happen for me both over written communication and ver the phone).

I'm guessing, unless you screamed at T, threw things at her, or something equally attacking, you have nothing to apologize for. We are in therapy for a reason: to work on things. It takes time, and sometimes it doesn't go exactly how others think it should go. That's ok...

Can you go to the next session and talk to T about it?
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, tealBumblebee
  #3  
Old Jul 04, 2015, 09:04 PM
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Does your T normally respond to your e-mails? My T rarely responds (though she'll respond to phone calls if I'm upset) and prefers to discuss in session. She'll sometimes mention in session that she got my e-mail or reference something from it, so I know she reads them. If I really want an e-mail response, I'll say something like, "Please at least respond to let me know you received this."

Could you try calling your T? I'd definitely go to your next session. As TWO said, T's are probably used to having clients disagree with them and fight back.
Thanks for this!
ThisWayOut
  #4  
Old Jul 04, 2015, 09:13 PM
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I have never felt the urge to apologize to the therapist. It may be that she does not think you need to apologize to her for that or that she would rather mention it in person rather than potentially set of a series of emails or cause a misunderstanding. I would not think what you described needed an apology to the therapist.
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  #5  
Old Jul 05, 2015, 08:26 AM
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Some Ts just hate email.
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  #6  
Old Jul 05, 2015, 10:05 AM
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AllHeart AllHeart is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elkino View Post
I really had a bad session a couple of days ago. The conclusion was that I had gained so much insight, learned so much through therapy... I only don't apply those things at all.
Then your T should be apologizing to you for not being better able to serve you. If you are doing the best you can, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If you haven't heard back from your T by now, I'd resend the email with a note saying, "Did you receive this email?" And keep resending until she at least gives an acknowlegement of receipt. It's a total pet peeve of mine when people don't respond to emails in a timely fashion, though I do understand there are sometimes valid reasons for such (didn't get it, went to spam folder, out of town, in hospital, etc).

Keep us all posted!
  #7  
Old Jul 05, 2015, 10:07 AM
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I would suspect he would rather discuss this in person than via email and is waiting for your next session.
  #8  
Old Jul 05, 2015, 11:13 AM
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ruh roh ruh roh is offline
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I have, and she hasn't responded, but I don't think it bothered me a whole lot. Usually, by the time the next session rolls around, there are more pressing things to go over. There was one regular, non-apology email that she didn't reply to that bothered me (she doesn't reply to all of them, but this one had been important to me), so I asked her about it the next session. It turned out that her reply was in her draft folder and she thought she'd sent it; as I was leaving, I asked her to resend it, which she did. Even though she'd told me what she had written, I still wanted to see it.
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #9  
Old Jul 05, 2015, 11:19 AM
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I have only apologized once through email and she did respond that an apology is not necessary. HOWEVER there have been quite a few times where I have written an email that I she didn't respond to and upset I didn't. Eventually she did email me back but it may be days later. With an apology and an explanation (she was sick, had computer issues, was busy and just didn't have time to read her email etc).

I would be upset if she didn't respond at all because she wanted to discuss the issue at the next session. It has happened a couple of times where T wanted to discuss the issue in session but she will respond that it is a difficult discussion so we will discuss it at my next appointment.
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  #10  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 06:26 AM
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lunatic soul lunatic soul is offline
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Yes
I often apologize but he never replies if I text. It makes me worry he is angry but he simply almost never reply to my texts and almost always forgives me so I'm not worried too much.
  #11  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 07:36 AM
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my T doesn't like it when I apologize at all. she always says that I have done nothing to apologize for. in fact she has gotten a bit frustrated at times and has asked me to stop apologizing to her ,that I don't need to.
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  #12  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 07:37 AM
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Petra5ed Petra5ed is offline
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Therapists as a profession often seem to feel justified in not responding to outside contact. I think in their minds they talk for a living so any extra talking is like an extension of their job they just aren't getting paid for. Rather than just articulate that in a session, since it doesn't sound so good, many just perplex clients with non responses to emotional material.
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #13  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 08:04 AM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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When I first started with my T I apologized for everything. You name it, everything. For the first few months every time I apologized it was met with; "stop saying you're sorry", "you don't have to apologize", "no need to say you're sorry", etc. Then after a few months only every so many apologizes were acknowledged, now she acknowledges none of them and I find myself apologizing less. I'm guessing this was her plan and it worked. I don't find myself apologizing to her as often anymore nor do I feel like I need to. I don't know how it worked but just my experience with apologizes to T. My T does still respond to whatever I send, just 'ignores' the apology part.
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Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #14  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 10:41 AM
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Chummy Chummy is offline
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My T responds to every email I send. I don't email her that often. But she will let me know that she got my email and she responds on what I wrote and that we'll discuss it in therapy. I wouldn't like it if I didn't get a reaction.
For my T it's part of her work. She gets paid for a certain amount of hours. Those hours she is in her office. When she doesn't has a session, she does paperwork or answering emails.
  #15  
Old Jul 08, 2015, 09:37 AM
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Elkino Elkino is offline
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I did receive a reply after all (a couple of days later). I was very happy about that and I could imagine T would say that there was no need to apologize... which she did.
I do agree that lots of therapists either don't seem to like email and others rather want to discuss things in sessions and in person. I do get their point very well. It's also the reason why I try never to send things that sound very urgent by email. As if to not leave T the option of not responding...
Still, it can just be very helpful if, when it feels necessary, you do get a reply that eases your mind a little bit. I'm glad about that.
Thanks for this!
Leah123
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