…but I really don't want to go.

The therapist just invalidated me last time (actually both of the therapists I saw apparently have). One just told me I "just have social anxiety" like it's no big deal and have all but ignored the depression symptoms I have. I guess since it's closer to PMDD (I'm only depressed one or two days a months and it always falls at one week or two weeks before my period starts, but usually exactly 2 weeks before. I'm fine for the rest of the month.) than it is to "normal" depression. So since I'm fine when I go in and since my issues don't prevent me from doing my job or my schoolwork, it doesn't matter I guess? Who cares if it affects my relationship or that even though I can get my work done it's way more difficult and miserable than it needs to be, right?

Honestly, I need to talk to someone about the issues that affect my relationship and the ability to get what I want career wise. But it doesn't matter since I can get A job…even though I don't feel like I can get THE job I want because of my social/performance anxiety. I'm uncomfortable talking about it though because I'll just be told it's not a big deal and that there's nothing I can do about it and I basically just need to deal with it/get over it.

Last time I was telling my therapist how I'm not where I want to be in life and feel powerless to change that any time soon. Maybe in a couple years…maybe in a year, but to me, that's a long time. That and I don't feel like I can work towards it and it's still out of my control completely. She was pretty much like, there's nothing you can do about it so get over it. Then I almost had to beg to reschedule and she didn't reschedule for 5 weeks. If I can't see someone weekly, I don't see the point of seeing someone? I guess because I don't have real issues? But had she been willing to see me on a regular basis, I would have gotten to the "worse" issues, including the issues I have with sex. I want to see a sex therapist soon, but if none of my issues are bad enough to be taken seriously, I don't think I can risk the embarrassment of talking to someone about sexual issues if I'm just going to be invalidated anyway.

I guess I need to be suicidal and serious about it before I can get help? Or I need to have worse natural coping skills?

The only thing I can think of is having my boyfriend come with me and validate what I'm saying to the therapist because otherwise I can't be believed I guess...

[SkyscraperMeow]

Smells like time for a new therapist to me.

I get how it can be hard to be taken seriously when you're actually fairly functional. Sometimes it seems as if therapists only have this narrow band of people they will work with, people who aren't so bad as to be a dangerous liability, but not so functional that the therapist doesn't feel super special helping them.

I had the feeling you're getting from your therapist from my old therapist too. Sometimes they seem stubbornly superficial, and no matter how much you tell them you're suffering, all they see is someone who put clothes on that day, can afford therapy, and must therefore be fine.

My new therapist doesn't make me feel that way, so, yannow. There's that option.

[Lauliza]

I'm sorry you feel invalidated by therapists - i can relate and it is so frustrating. I also have PMDD and because it's a biological issue, I haven't found therapy to be useful for it. That could be part of your Ts issue (though not and excuse to be invalidating) - there isn't much she can do to help PMDD. Maybe part of the issue for you however is that you're not addressing the underlying issue which is the sexual problems. I know it's hard to bring up the subject with a therapist but if you don't address the things that are at the root of some of your depression, besides the PMDD, your therapist can't really help you.

That said, she doesn't sound like a good fit for you. If she's dismissive social anxiety then I think that says she doesn't really understand it and doesn't have experience treating it. I think seeking out a T who specializes in anxiety disorders and phobias might be of more use to you. Not all Ts are the same and they don't all know how to treat anxiety disorders. I also have social anxiety and in my experience, talk therapy alone is not very useful.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you had such invalidating experiences. As others have said, it might be time to look for another T, especially if she doesn't seem to have time to see you more often (5 weeks would certainly not be helpful for me). Is finding someone else a possibility? Maybe even look for a T that offers sex therapy. I'm pretty sure you don't have to dive into things right off the bat, so if they can help you with both the anxiety issues and the sexual issues, it might be easier than having to find yet another T afterwards...

I could find another therapist, but to make the call to set up an appointment? Nope. Calling and making appointments is extremely stressful to me, so it would be awhile before I'd be able to do it.

And calling a sex therapist would be even worse. I don't feel the world would view my relationship serious enough to deserve sex therapy. We're not married, nor engaged (although we've discussed the possibility of an engagement in a year or so). We're from a red state in the U.S. and honestly, a lot of our sexual problems come from being taught that sex and sexual thoughts are wrong and disgusting. I guess we could go separately and not mention we're in a relationship so it's acceptable, but that would be twice as expensive. Not to mention that there may not be a sex therapist less than an hour away and I'm the only one who has insurance.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm guessing t would not judge. If it's important to you, it's ok to seek support.

I'm sorry making appointments is so difficult. Would finding a t online be easier? I dislike phone calls, so this last time I sent out emails to prospective t's asking if they took my insurance, new clients, etc. t's often do email communication these days, at least for setting up appointments... just a thought.

All I've seen require a phone call before the first appointment. You can e-mail, but they're still going to call you. That's not the issue right now though…the issue is whether I go to the appointment tomorrow or not. Or if I just walk in, demand names of other therapists and walk out. I just resent needing to get up and out early to take care of this BS. It's abundantly clear that she doesn't want me there and I'm so angry at myself for making a new appointment in the first place.

If only I didn't need to get some prescriptions too, I just wouldn't bother going in. There's just no way to advocate for myself against someone like that!

[ThisWayOut]

going is up to you. if you need the meds (and she provides that) then I would go and focus on that...
just wondering, have you mentioned any of this to the T. I've done it with past T's at times I felt dismissed, though it was someone I had seen more than a handful of times. Sometimes T's see our presentation and try to focus on the positives. If you are stuck with this one for the time being, might as well reiterate that all of this really bothers you and you want to address it. Therapy is for you afterall, not what the T thinks should be covered. Anxiety can make it difficult to bring this stuff up, and maybe also difficult to express the full extent of it. It may be worth it though... Maybe print out the post you wrote and either give it to the T or read it?

The meds aren't through her, they're just in the same building. Sorry, that was probably confusing.

The appointment is in half an hour and I'll likely not make the bus, meaning I'll have to pay for parking. Hopefully I can get other stuff done while I'm there, but I really hate paying to park. Maybe I'll walk and hope I can make it on time…I don't know, since the appointment feels pointless, I feel much more guilty paying to park.

[ThisWayOut]

ugh, yeah. I hate having to pay to park for an appointment.
hope it's worth the hassel if you end up going. maybe it would be a good time to address feeling dismissed and needing more frequent appointments? can you bring your bf on short notice?
I just realized the time stamp... Hope it went ok.

The free parking right in front was actually free today somehow, so I got away with not paying for parking. I didn't bring my boyfriend in, but I'm considering it next time because we're going to talk more about sexual problems and possible therapists in the city who could address those issues. I won't get again until August 7th though.

[ThisWayOut]

Yeah for free parking! Sometimes is the little things...
we're you able to address any of your feelings of invalidation or the not getting in more often? (I'm guessing the session frequency wasn't resolved since you mention not getting in again till august)...

I just want to say -
PMS/PMDD sucks.
And it does matter that you're miserable even though you're functioning.
I hope you can find a new therapist. I understand that it's hard with social anxiety.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I just want to say -
PMS/PMDD sucks.
And it does matter that you're miserable even though you're functioning.
I hope you can find a new therapist. I understand that it's hard with social anxiety.

I don't know if PMS/PMDD is actually the problem. I'm not sure what kind of doctor I go to for that anyway…I'm taking everything that should help including birth control and all kinds of vitamins (I have a very healthy diet). I know my DHEA has always been really high and maybe that's the problem, but I can't take any of the medication (besides birth control) to bring it down further. I got it down 300-400 points before I couldn't take the medication anymore.

And about why the therapist won't see me more often…it's because she's a university therapist, I'm only allowed 12 visits per year. So she's trying to spread them out I guess.