Time in therapy.....The Rest of the Story.....

The first episode of this thread asked about the current therapist. I know some folk here have had more than one... like me. And I would be curious to hear more of the total time in therapy ....if you folk would like to share....

How many significant therapists have you had?

How long did you spend with each?

Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.

How much time did you spend in between?

When you left one...did you know there would be another?

Anything else you would care to share here?

Love this continuation.

Ok. I have had 2 therapists, my current one (a guy) and my previous one (a woman). Last time I was in therapy for about 3 1/2 years. I quit when my youngest child was born because I was no longer going to be working near her office. When I finished with her I didn't really shed any tears. There was very little ransference and I never even knew what that was till this time around. However, i had deep respect and cared about her. She was very supportive and was an expert on alcoholism and was able to help me understand family roles and such but I never got near as deep as I already am with my current T.

I stopped seeing her 13 years ago. When i stopped seeing my previous T I had no idea that I would continue at some point in the future. But life circumstances (my children's illness) triggered all sorts of stuff for me and I fell apart this year, so here I am.

I feel like I will never stop therapy again.

Of course, that's assuming I make it there today.

How many significant therapists have you had?
<font color="blue">Two. My current T and a counselor a short time before him.</font>

How long did you spend with each?
<font color="blue">Former counselor: saw her every week or two or three for 8 months, then I quit seeing her for 4 months, then I saw her for a couple more sessions, then I just never went back. I was a very unreliable client and often called to cancel. We did not have a set weekly time to meet (I didn't know people did that).
Current therapist: have been seeing him pretty much weekly for 7 months, same time each week. Am firmly attached. He's great and we do deep work together. He is on my journey with me. <font color="red"><3 </font></font>

Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.
<font color="blue">First counselor: As I wrote above, one time I just never went back. We never discussed termination or anything like that. I didn't intend to not go back, but she was not helping me. She was CBT and helped initially with symptoms of chronic depression. But her skill set did not permit her to delve deeper and help discover the root causes of my problems. I was making no progress toward my main goal. She was a nice lady but with little insight, and there was zero attachment.</font>

How much time did you spend in between?
<font color="blue">A few months.</font>

When you left one...did you know there would be another?
<font color="blue">No, she was really my first experience with therapy and I thought all counselors would be like her. So since she wasn't helping me, it didn't occur to me that another therapist might be able to. My current therapist just kind of dropped into my lap. A family member had lunch with a colleague, mentioned my "stuckness" on my problem, and the colleague said, hey, she should go see so and so, he helps people take the first steps to solving X (my problem). I didn't really do anything with his name for a while, but then on a whim called him. The rest is history. I feel so lucky I found him.</font>

Anything else you would care to share here?
<font color="blue">As a young woman, I actually had another therapist (he was a psychiatrist). It was accidental therapy. He was my friend first, and we had a very mutualistic friendship and shared a lot of stuff together. I didn't know he was a pdoc/therapist. Then somehow he got me to come see him professionally ("stop by my office") and I discovered he was a therapist. And we did some therapy. But as soon as we started that, he ceased being my friend. He "went away" and never talked about himself anymore. It was all me. I missed him terribly and after a while became angry in a way I did not understand and felt bad about, so I quit going. I lost a friend first and then a therapist. My current T and I worked on this in therapy. I had not thought of it for decades. My T says it is the reason I want a mutualistic relationship with him in therapy, one with lots of therapist self-disclosure--because I am worried about being abandoned in therapy again, like this pdoc did to me by switching the frame from friend to therapist. The self-disclosure and mutualism in my relationship with current T reassure me I will not be abandoned, that he is still there with me. It was interesting to discover that. Also, my T was really interested in the novel change in frame in that relationship, because people usually don't go from being friends with a person to just being a client/patient.</font>

How many significant therapists have you had?

Two T's before my current one.

How long did you spend with each?

1st T: About a year and a half. Then took a break to do panic disorder group therapy. Then went back shortly after 9/11, for about six months or so.

2nd T: I felt as though we could have formed a significant relationship. I saw him for a couple weeks; we never had a set day/time because of scheduling/insurance issues. I recall that he told me he would call me to set up another session... He never called. And I didn't call him. Either way, I never heard from him again. So I saw him a couple weeks, then he disappeared, then I left NY for Philly.

Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.

With my 1st T, we mutually agreed that I had made the significant progress to leave. I was mostly seeing her for help with my panic disorder/agorophobia/depression. She helped. Little did I know I had would hae so much of my character to work on; so many core issues that were never touched.

I already shared that, in regards to T #2.

How much time did you spend in between?

Between 1st and 2nd... probably about a year.
Then I moved to Philly in March of 2005, started seeing current T in October.

When you left one...did you know there would be another?

I figured as much. There was symptom reduction... but I knew I had a lot of work to do otherwise.

Anything else you would care to share here?

I feel lost tonight.

How many significant therapists have you had? I had many therapists who I saw one, two or three sessions. I got tired of them just sitting there and staring at me. I was like 'what is this?'...

But then I saw a female p-doc when I was about 23. She was my ex-husbands therapist and we went together because of his ADD issues. She really took to me. I didn't realize that then, but I do now.

And you know the T I have now is pretty significant!!

How long did you spend with each? See above for the others but with the p-doc I guess it was about 6 months and this one is one year and three months baby!

Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.

I left that p-doc only because I moved pretty far for my job. She and I did phone sessions every week for awhile but I couldn't afford it and had to stop.

How much time did you spend in between? I don't remember with the p-doc but this T...I only spend what he makes me spend in between which is normally no longer than a week. Wait until Friday's session he had me go 18days!!!!! Seriously though in the beginning it was every 2-3 weeks for about 5 months.

When you left one...did you know there would be another? No I really didn't. I was in and out so many times because of the not talking and then hearing the 'times up' comment at the end. I would just laugh and shake my head...never to return.

Anything else you would care to share here? Have I said that I miss my T enough yet?

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pinksoil said:
Anything else you would care to share here?

I feel lost tonight.

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((((pinksoil))))

I think I have shared most of this in the previous thread but if I haven't here goes. I have had 3 Ts. I met my first one in college (90's) and we met weekly. I think freebie therapy was 8 to 10 sessions. His opinion at the time was dysthymia.
My next T (Adjustment disorder with mixed mood, 309.28, Nov. 05-Feb. 06) was around three months or five sessions. Early Feb. 06, T said that she was leaving the office. I was transfered to my current T.
Current T (Feb. 06 to present, Dx changed to Major Depression) I am very attached to her. I have not discussed termination however it has been on my mind. I once told her that she can't leave me. I will probably tell her soon that she is now allowed to leave me if neccessary. I feel less like I desperately need her and am running lower on material to cover.
As you can see, I had about ten years in between my first T and these two Ts. My great aunt died in June of 2005 and my grandma who had a lot of heart problems and lung problems informed that God gave her a sense of peace about dying. I also discovered that my employer was up for sale sometime in late 2005 (sale closed in Jan. 2006). Grandma died in Jan. 2006.

Thanks everyone that answered. I appreciated the diversity in answers and your willingness to share.

For myself:

How many significant therapists have you had?

I consider that I have had two significant therapists though I did a group for about 4-5 years so that person should be significant. Being part of a group I think that watered down her significance though I appreciated her.

***How long did you spend with each?

My first pdoc I saw for about 8 years and really I went in for an overhaul I was so deep into having a bad time. I was not talking to hardly anyone except as needed. So I credit him for accepting me and for helping me talk and come back to the functional world for the most part. He was warm and fuzzy and was one to try to give patients what they need/want in many ways. We maintained a friendship after he retired and went to lunch or dinner 3-4 times a year afterwards and til his health went really south. I found him a week before he died...in a nursing home and talked to him about wishing to come visit him there. He said he would like that when he felt stronger.... and then I think he found out he was going to die. I think he tried to have me contact him again to tell me but things were mixed up at the end. Just my thoughts... but I mourned deeply and still miss him.

My second (and current) pdoc came in my life via my first. I think he was a student of the first in some way. They knew each other via student/professor connection and I started seeing him prior to leaving my first for medications .. .finally. After I left the first we took about a 4 month haitus before we started work. I knew my work was far from done. We have been together almost 15 years I think which really seems to have flown by. For alot of this time it was monthly or two times a month or even quarterly. I think we are going to try to transition back to weekly and are working hard these days on core issues.

Overlapping these therapists I was in a ladies group for 4-5 years that finally folded when the therapist stopped the group...for her personal reasons.

***Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.

Ist pdoc retired. Group ended. 2nd pdoc still percolating.

***How much time did you spend in between? 4 months about

When you left one...did you know there would be another? yes

***Anything else you would care to share here?

I hope to not be in forever but will probably be in periodically. I would like to be strong enough eventually to just be at peace with who I am and where I am but ...now still have places I wish to go and things to be...and need help in getting there.

Thanks all for your responses

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I found him a week before he died...in a nursing home and talked to him about wishing to come visit him there. He said he would like that when he felt stronger.... and then I think he found out he was going to die. I think he tried to have me contact him again to tell me but things were mixed up at the end. Just my thoughts... but I mourned deeply and still miss him.

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Oh my friend, that is so sad and painful to read ! I imagine your mourning includes not only losing him but losing that last chance for visiting with him.

Oh this makes my heart ache for you !

((((((((((((((((((( SecretGarden )))))))))))))))))

How many significant therapists have you had?
<font color="#008800"> Just beginning with one who I think is significant. She reminds me of my very first who I saw a few times but stopped. He was actually a child psychologist (which, really... fits me. lol) who my son was seeing for chemical abuse and anxiety and school issues and legal trouble. He was analytical also, although I didn't realize it at the time. That was about 13 years ago. I've had a few off and on, one several times that was helpful and we did REBT. Another one I saw for several years and then he disappeared without warning. More recently I saw Dr M, a psychologist for a few months. This new one I hope will stick around. I will if she will. </font>

How long did you spend with each?
<font color="#008800">From months to several years. Dr W, the one who was my son's T, I saw for a few sessions. Dr P who I did REBT with during one period of time I saw for several months several times. John I saw for several years (he's the one who disappeared). Cathy I saw for a few months. I suppose I should count the online person I've talked to for a long time; what we did was like therapy, or was therapy and we still talk but it isn't therapy anymore. Dr M I saw for about 2 months. My current T I have seen for 2 1/2 months. </font>

Care to share why you left? Some already have shared.
<font color="#008800">I have a hard time talking and always convince myself that I don't belong there if I can't talk. Also I have always wanted depth therapy and didn't know I wouldn't find that with the behaviorial therapists in the way I wanted. I felt like I was being conditioned when I was in treatment with them...like Pavlov's dog.. to salivate at the sound of the bell. Not that it was all a total wash. The REBT had it's good points and I still use some of it. But it wasn't what I was looking for. I left Dr M because, for one she cancelled on me every week for 4 weeks and two because after she introduced me to relaxation/guided imagery she didn't want to talk anymore and abruptly announced to me that the guided imagery would eventually become hypnosis. That rattled me. Intrigued me too, but rattled me. I wanted something different so I left and found my current T. I still think about Dr M a LOT and wish I could somehow see both. Confusing! </font>

How much time did you spend in between?
<font color="#008800">Months to years. </font>

When you left one...did you know there would be another?
<font color="#008800">lol. Well, I felt like I was a failure each time and I knew I wasn't doing any better after each, so yes I guess I knew at some point I wanted to, needed to continue. Though I had nearly given up on me til I met the person online that I talked about above. She didn't give up on me; what a gift! </font>

Anything else you would care to share here?
<font color="#008800">I still feel like a failure. How do you make therapy work if you don't feel like you deserve to be there? If you are afraid of being open? Afraid of your own thoughts. To reveal, to talk, is to give someone a way to take advantage of me and I feel like I have no defense against that. Too scary ! </font>

Thank you Echoes.... Years later...I still get sad... but the good outweighs it all. When needing soft and fuzzy ....is when I think of him the most.