[onebody]

Its hard. So hard.
But my kids normal behaviours trigger me left and right.
Not big triggers, just like getting slapped.
Cuz they just kids, but I am vigilant of behaviours that might trigger someone to hurt them. I want them never to get hurt. I understand that are their own selves.
They have their own innate sexuality.
But its hurts me to see that.
Not sure why.
But it hurts me.
I feel I have such a tainted mind that I worry so much.
I disgust myself with my paranoid thots.
Its not all the time.
But it bugs the hell out of me.
How do I make it stop?
I work VERY hard at NOT putting my own angst onto my kids. To not twist their minds.
Its hard work.
Mebbe this is just the way it is for this body and I just have to live with it.
I just want my kids to not be like me in this way.
Thanks.

(((((onebody))))))

That sounds very hard. It must be a struggle. I think its common for survivors to be triggered by their children. Maybe you can have some journaling time and talk to your T about it when it happens. Don't keep it pinned up inside. Stay safe.

ev

[SecretGarden]

I think your concerns are valid and probably not that unusual. These things are often good to be talked out with a therapist. Do you have one and how is that working out for you? You are working to do well and I admire that. It is a hard job.... that mom stuff.

Oh I can relate to your post so much, it's like I typed it! .... except-- I didn't know that the way I was acting was due to "triggers" ... didn't know anything about that at the time when my children were very young. (I sure wish I knew back then what I know now)

I think being aware of it is a start in the right direction-- good for you! though I know it is still very hard... I don't know if one can get beyond all this on their own... I tried because I didn't know any different, and my children-- now almost adults are struggling -- I think I unintentionally expressed my distrust/paranoia around them ....... but now I'm working hard in trying to make things better.

I hope you can get some help to work through this. Are your children still quite young? Well, regardless,I've heard it's never too late to make things better. You are a very good mom to be concerned about such things-- please keep that in mind.

I wish you much healing and am here if you want to talk.

mandy

[MissCharlotte]

((Onebody))

Do you have a T or a group to work through these feelings? They are very difficult to work through alone, but they are normal. When we suffered abuse as children we can't help but see it over and over in our own kids as a re-experiencing of trauma.

Be good to yourself.

[withit]

Onebody, I too get triggered by normal kid behavior. As I type I am sitting in 'time out' because I got so internally worked up....I needed to come to time out....otherwise I fear I might lash out at them....

Have you read the book, ''Parenting From the Inside Out"? I have barely started it...talks about being triggered by kids....

Care to give examples of what they do and what your reaction is?

Take gentle care,

[onebody]

I do have a T. I go 1x/wk. There is never enough time.....
Too much to figure out.
Always too many things.
We never seem to get far.
THANKS for REPLIES

Thanks for affirmation and support.
My kid are still elementary aged.
Its just normal kid stuff, waggling her fanny or whatever, and despite my best efforts, she has picked up on my distress i think, so that makes it worse...
I don't know that I was abused.
I am just messed somehow.
I don't have memeories of childhood.
Thanks again.

[withit]

Oh, I can so relate....so much to talk in therapy....so little time....Just thought it might be helpful to gain some insight into your upset over your kid's behavior....

I think its as the process of recovery goes on that we learn how to cope with these childhood memorys. It doesnt always have to be a question answer solution its just time. Eventually as we heal our childrens childhoods will remain that, theirs not ours. I know its hard and it takes a lonnnnnnnng time. I'm afraid there is no short cut, just remain aware and keep putting one foot forward.

[onebody]

Thanks for posts people.
Least I know I not a freak cuz others feel same way. Maybe I just not so bad.
Maybe as they get older too it will lessen.
Its all so confusing.
Thanks again

[withit]

Kids trigger us all. Me thinks.
Some days I feel like a failure as a mother...and then I think of all the ways in which I am a good mother...