Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

I'm going to pull an Angel Card for my T.

We don't have to feel caring to care. It is a choice. Feelings are one things, and then there are actions.

Me, either!

Hi, couch.

Well, I decided that I did not want to spend time shopping after a 12.5 hour shift tomorrow, so I went to the CVS up here (I work at one in a neighboring city) to get make-up. I got $60 of make-up for $35 after my discount. And I got $15 in extra rewards bucks that I can spend in the store next time I need any items (like toiletries or whatever else). So really, since I have $15 free to spend on a future visit, I only paid $20 for the make-up.

I remember when I used to wear Mary-Kay I would spend more than that. I also remember when I wore Mary Kay that insead of liquid foundation and pressed powder, I wore mineral powder, so I got some mineral powder, since I know how to put that on. :-P I also got some eye shadow, blush, lip liner, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and nail polish. Mostly nude/natural colors, since that is what I wore when I wore make-up in the past...just something to give me some color. Now maybe I should practice putting it on tonight and again tomorrow, just to get used to it again. That way, I don't look like a clown at my interview. ;-) Yes, I went all out and got more than the basics, but maybe I'll like how I look and want to start wearing it more often. Who knows.

I also enrolled in CVS's beauty club. It gives me $5 on my birthday toward make-up and hair care products and $5 for every $50 I spend on make-up or hair care products. Hair care products I could use it on. Shampoo is included and everyone needs shampoo. I'll also get a 10% off coupon for my next purchase of any front store item in CVS. That topped with my employee discount and the $15 extra care bucks, I can get a lot. Maybe some junk food/snacks.

goodness my life is crazy and so am I . my surgery was rescheduled for aug 26 as long as I am cleared by my cardiologist who it is just about impossible to get in quickly to see .he is amazing and the head of cardiology here so very busy . he was booked out until middle of September . I explained the situation and the nurse called and said he could fit me in on Tuesday at 3 . therapy time .things have just not been good for me these days so I was thinking I would call and leave her a message about the appointment and instead of just letting it be I said that if we could maybe meet at a different time that would be great but if not that would be ok that I would see her next tuesday. now im panicking about even hinting I might wish her to still see me at another time way to needy and OMG I feel she will hate me if she has to see me and I will be devastated if she says she doesn't want to see me . goodness I hate being who I am . my best situation would have been me not careing if I saw her and just cancelled but no not me

I think I'm doing okay. Maybe I'm not. Who knows. Just doing the basic things each day to get by for now.

Big hugs to everyone hurting.

(((Squirrel))) they do have good food at cvs too ya know. Like guacamole and yogurt and tuna fish and nuts. I stop there after t a lot.

(((Granite))) im glad youre getting in to see your cardio dr. But too bad about your t appt. Man! Fingers crossed

Hank, but junk food tastes so much better. I'll probably save the rewards bucks for toiletries next month though.

All showered and ready for an early bedtime tonight so I can be well-rested for my long shift tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that it will not be crazy. Knock on wood.

May practice with the make-up again tomorrow and Sunday, just so I feel a little more confident in putting it on for Monday. The two ladies I live with said it looked fine today, but part of me just thinks they were being nice. Maybe they were being sincere though.

Still need to pick out the perfect outfit for the interview. I don't have a blazer to wear, but it's the middle of the summer in Florida anyways, so that would be really hot. Maybe just a nice shirt. I do have a couple with collars. Maybe I will get some earrings (since my hair is short and you can see my ears) to wear as well. Walmart it would be for those. I'm not allergic to stainless steel ones, so I should be able to pick up a pair for not too much. Just small studs or something, nothing too gawdy. I have 4 holes in each ear, but would only wear earrings in the first 2 for an interview. I haven't work them in years, but maybe I need to start making myself more presentable.

I could stop by Walmart on my way home from work tomorrow...they are open 24 hours. The one by work has more things than the one by home, so that may be the best option. Or I can stop by that one before I go to work in the morning. I'll decide when I wake up. :-)

Maybe I could look at one of those teen jewelry stores at the mall as well (like Claire's). That would have to be on Sunday though. Depends what I find at Walmart tomorrow. Used to wear a college class ring all the time, but it got to be too small about a year ago, so I don't wear it anymore. Rings are not that big of a thing anyways. Look at me making all these plans that are so unlike me.

Well, I'd better take my evening meds and start thinking about heading to bed. Have to be at work by 9am.

Woohoo! Just got a bargain! I watch several local FB resale pages, and today I found a very nice Bob Timberlake leather chair that a man is just wanting to get rid of because he is moving and is greatly downsizing. It is in near perfect condition and was originally a $3000 chair (I can't even conceive of buying a chair for that amount). I started watching this chair this morning when he originally posted it for $50 which would have been a bargain there, but as the day went on he kept lowering the price. We're getting it for $15. Crazy. It was funny watching the discussion about this chair. It is gorgeous, but it is teal (not everyone's color) and it is a BIG chair. So everyone liked it, but people either didn't want the color or had no place for a chair this size. Well, just so happens the rocker in our living room is teal and we have the perfect spot for it. Woohoo!! Love a bargain.

Yeah I forgot that we pay for the pleasure of being tortured....

I don't know why I dig around in the bowels of the WWW but i do and regret it almost immediately.

Good luck to Squirrel and granite, one for interview one for surgery. Fingers crossed for both of you.

Yeah, I loved it, but the seven year old thought it was scary. 11 year old threw up during it (he's nonverbal and has reflux), meaning he found it a bit overwhelming.

12pm. Insomnia sucks because it catches up with you in the daytime.

Hey couch. I've been having some crazier than usual dreams the last 3 nights... things/people chasing me (like zombies, and planet of the apes-type people, and a german woman standing in a jeep). I almost don't want to work with them but I think I should before I talk to t again next week. I suspect they all relate to the recent downward spiral I was in, with the fear of depression catching back up to me, or something.

Saw Amy Schumer's movie Trainwreck this evening. Her standup cracks me the heck up, and I enjoyed it. I won't spoil it for anyone who plans to see it though!

Yawn it's been quite a week. I'm kinda exhausted to be honest... climbing and clawing my way out of the dark place I was in really took it outta me. Heading to bed. Night couch!

Looking forward to seeing "trainwreck"!!

This sucks, not being able to talk to anyone. I've had an epic nap. Still no answers. Might as well get smashed tonight.

Hey couch.

Just now, for the first time in 24 years, I heard the voice of my first T. I've always considered her my spiritual mother, it was surreal and special to listen to a recording she made, simple and wise, based on a book she and her husband wrote about satisfying marriages.

I am so longing for some maternal comfort right now, sigh, I remember that brief precious time of having it so well. My current T is very maternal, but at the moment I really need to share space, to get that physical presence, a real hug.... and I can't. She's so far away. Hopefully it'll help to hear her voice Monday if she's able to make our session. Abandonment.... I seem to have picked a rough time to work through it, ha.

I just started the asthma meds.... I dislike meds, don't trust them too well either, sigh, but need them. I'm going to need to lose probably 40 lbs too, I think I'm ready to begin finally, now that school is done, my volunteer comittment's ending and work's a tiny bit easier. Still, I wish I could cut my obligations in half.

Not coping at all. No way out. I don't know how to get through this.

Mast I'm sorry. If you need to talk I'll be around today

Thank you, BayBrony. I appreciate that. You're a good person.

(((Mast)))

I'm in a right funk. I know this is just a stage and I'll get through it, but Bleah! I'm so irritable and weepy and mopey. I want to be left alone but I don't either. I'm lousy company, I just want to b- and moan at anyone who'll listen.
Took the required class on coparenting for my divorce yesterday and I was ready to throw something at the facilitator. No. People who have repeatedly demonstrated their unwillingness to change are probably not going to change. They do not deserve any more chances. Hearing sh^t like that does not help those of us who are already fighting against mountains of guilt Stupid class.

I could not agree more (and the chances given are at YOUR expense)...that kind of **** drives me nuts. (((JS)))

((((JS))))