Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Ah well...

I love sparkly, though, I still want to do the glitter in my hair at work one day....

Companionable silence is lovely, I do have this with my own children (when we aren't all being chatterboxes that is!) but I never had it with a friend, relatives, or s/o. How sad! All silence seems to indicate hostility and punishment in my memory, however with my kids it's just natural. There are no seething undercurrents of anger, just peace. I wonder if they feel things differently than I do? And if my parents felt differently as well?

This could explain why i became a manicurist. And its like at the extremity of your extremities. And in such small portions. Not a lot of commitment but very stable for the effort expended.

Well I come here for reassurance and I usually get it.
I wouldn't want that to change.

That happened to me a lot in my teens. I would end up in a panic, scratching at the walls, knocking things down until I found the door. It happened so much that I eventually used a night light, so I could find my way. Around the same time, I had dreams that I woke up and was locked up in a box, a coffin. Those were pretty dark years in my life though.

Good for you.

Don't take anybody else's description of themselves as any kind of model for what you should want or feel or be. You are you. If you get what you need here, that's all good.

A lot of us do. But we explicitly ask for it. Thats the difference. Its the silent but deadly hinting that is the difference. I think thats what ts try to break us of, expecting others to read our minds, being passive aggressive, compelling. If you want something, say something! No terrorising.

Ooh, I did, and I do with my boys (when they aren't being their usual goofy selves.) We sit and read. We take walks without feeling pressured to talk. We sit outside in the backyard and just watch the dogs play or listen to the birds. I learned early on from my parents that just being together, without having to entertain each other, is very calming and comforting.

I'm grieving because my holiday is coming to an end.

I was feeling a little better, but of course I had to screw it up...

Strangely I feel wide awake when it happens to me. The actual room I am in just doesn't fit my memory of it....

Hi, couch. Well, I got some cleaning done today. 3 trach bags full to take out when I get home tonight. I don't want to ladies I live with to see. I'm really embarrassed. 1.5 bags were old school papers and mail and stuff, so that makes it a little better. My bed is covered completely with things to find places for. Mosting things I stocked up on. I could just stack them in the bottom of my closet. I may do that. And maybe I can throw the random snacks in a dresser drawer. I have some papers/mail I need to keep too though. Need to find somewhere for those where I can easily access them again. Have some dishes to wash tonight too. Again, I don't want others to know I had dirty dishes in my room. I have a lot of plastic bottle to recycle too. All for tonight. I can vacuum the area rug in the room tomorrow. And change my sheets tomorrow. Then to find time to wash. Heh. Busy, busy, busy. At least all the junk is bagged up to be thrown out though. Need to fold my reusable shopping bags to condense how much space they are taking up. I have quite a few. Lots to do tonight when I get home. I only work until 10:30 though, so I should be home by 11. And I don't have to be at my interview until 12:30 (well 12:15 to make sure I am on time), so I can be up a little bit late.

Oh and I will not need my medication filled for 2-3 months. For all the times I either chose not to take it for a while, or the times I honestly forgot to take it. I still have several full bottles. Need to use it up first, so I don't end up with too much. I'll let pdoc go ahead and prescribe more, so he won't find out that I have so much extra. I will just tell the pharmacy to place it on hold until I need it. It's amazing what you will find digging through stacks of plastic bags.

There's a difference between asking for reassurance when you need it and constantly asking for it, all the time, and rarely giving any back in any real way.

This. Exactly this. Thanks Hankster!

I'm starting to wonder if my apologizing too much could be an OCD thing, since I do have OCD. Like a compulsion? It's something I've done for a very long time. I didn't consider that I was necessarily looking for reassurance until my marriage counselor suggested that. But then it kind of made sense, at least some of the time. I guess because I say it so much, it annoys my husband even when it's for something a "normal" person would apologize for, like bumping into him or mishearing something he said.

I guess I just feel like, it's something I've been doing forever, I try to be better about it, but can't eliminate it completely for whatever reason (part of why I'm thinking the OCD part). So at some point, doesn't H just have to either accept it as being part of me or, if it's that intolerable, leave? Please note that I have made attempts to change. But when I'm feeling especially anxious or depressed, it comes out more. And I just wish he'd be more...sensitive to that.

Though sometimes I worry that I expect too much of people. I'm willing to give just as much (if not more) back, but for some reason, I seem to have more difficulty doing that with my husband (as compared to, say, some exes or friends). Maybe because I feel like he's not really trying to meet my needs (other areas too, not just this), on some level, I've stopped trying to meet his.

Hey, there's a fun topic for our marriage counseling session tomorrow...

That's a contradiction in terms. (Or perhaps that's only true when I say something. As always, YM probably V.)

hubby wants to go out of town in a couple weeks, for a few days. I can get the time off work without a problem, and I think it will be good for us to get away from stuff together, maybe it will be easier to talk in a neutral place, I don't know for sure where we're going yet. Nowhere too far, but at least it's something different than him sleeping in front of the tv. We'll likely spend one day in Sedona, which always makes me happy and we haven't been there in a good while. Possibly also Jerome, he's been talking about a ghost tour there. We'll see. Wherever we go, I will likely take lots of pictures.

Sitting outside CVS waiting till it is time to go in. Pouring rain right now. Hopefully it will let up some when I have to get out of the car.

Hi couch, interesting talk about reassurance.

Equity does seem to be important-

I pay for a lot of my reassurance in therapy, that's not something I'd impose on other people in my life, but that's what happens when we don't grow up with functional parents.

And then I try to give back, that happens naturally I think, as we share our weaknesses and our strengths on forums like this.

I would suggest it might be good practice for you folks who apologize to furniture to try not to and see how it feels lol. You deserve to take up space!

I'm tired, MIL still in hospital- it's what I suspected but took medical science 24 hours to name, so she's spending another night, we just got back. I hope to kick this stupid asthma soon, it's not helping. Praying that my therapy session tomorrow, which is supposed to be our first ever movie session goes well. Napoleon Dynamite, she's never seen it.

I asked if she'd be having popcorn, but now I feel awkward, sigh, as I ponder whether the eating in session crosses some line that may or may not exist for us between therapy and socializing, ha. Movie, apparently fine, but will I cross the line at popcorn, sheesh. Arbitrary, c'est non? Anyhow, I need a movie day in therapy. Need time to quietly enjoy something meaningful that is not traumatic and to soak up my T's presence in a comfortable, companionable way.

I have to go to a party now. Im bringing raw vegan packaged cookies from the health food store. Its a cookies and lemonade party in the apartment complex with the group that used to have pot luck suppers. Half of us are dead now.

I have it now with my daughter, who's 10. It's lovely, this development.

wrong wrong wrong BPA. Again I have misinterpreted social cues and made myself look like an idiot.

Housekeeping tip # 3457.3 It helps when you are doing the washing up to put the plug in the drainhole. I am a domestic idiot as well as a social one..

Does anyone else think that the jilted lover as a plot device in murder mysteries is a bit old? Surely they can think of something else..