Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Jul 19, 2015, 09:42 AM

Yes I want happiness around here!! It better be allowed!

Jul 19, 2015, 09:44 AM

sorry

[ ˈsärē, ˈsô- ]

ADJECTIVE

feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune:
synonyms: sad · unhappy · sorrowful · distressed · upset · downcast

This is how I use "I'm sorry" most of the time.

CantExplain · Jul 19, 2015, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am not one to usually be reassuring if someone over apologizes - it often seems to me that it does not really reassure and that I will be asked to give more and more and more reassurance - and I don't want to be in the position where I am expected to do so.

I disagree. What does it cost me to offer reassurance? And if they need reassurance, how does it help them to withhold it?

Squirrel1983 · Jul 19, 2015, 11:00 AM

Afternoon, couch.

Well, I survived my long day at CVS yesterday. It was a little crazy at times, but not as bad as other Saturedays I have works (i.e. Fourth of July).

I have another shift tonight. Don't have ton be there until 5:15 though. I may go buy toiletries today at teh CVS up here in a little bit. Extra Care members can print out a coupon at the Coupon Center in store to get 30% off CVS products. I can stack this on my 30% employee discount and then use my $15 extra rewards bucks. I don't need many toiletries right now, but I can stock up and have them for the future. Toilet paper and things like that are always needed.

I could get some snacks as well. I love coupons and discounts.

Jul 19, 2015, 11:05 AM

Well I don't know where I was during the night, but I woke up in the wee hours of the morning cuz I had to go to the bathroom and felt so disoriented for a second there, I didn't know where I was or where I'd been, didn't remember any dreams just fragments of a foreign language I'd never heard before, how fascinating!! I have a friend who's into astral travel who tells me I am traveling... but I think that's a little bit too woo-woo even for ME, princess woo-woo!!

Jul 19, 2015, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I disagree. What does it cost me to offer reassurance? And if they need reassurance, how does it help them to withhold it?

It definitely helps some of us to have it withheld. I'm sure reassurance is nice and all, but it fosters reliance on others, and for some of us that spells disaster.

stopdog · Jul 19, 2015, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I disagree. What does it cost me to offer reassurance? And if they need reassurance, how does it help them to withhold it?

It is not as much withholding it as just not my job to give it on demand. It is annoying and oppressive at times. I feel suffocated.

BayBrony · Jul 19, 2015, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Well I don't know where I was during the night, but I woke up in the wee hours of the morning cuz I had to go to the bathroom and felt so disoriented for a second there, I didn't know where I was or where I'd been, didn't remember any dreams just fragments of a foreign language I'd never heard before, how fascinating!! I have a friend who's into astral travel who tells me I am traveling... but I think that's a little bit too woo-woo even for ME, princess woo-woo!!

A few weeks ago I woke up, got up to go to the bathroom and realized I was completely disoriented in the dark and I couldn't find the door. It was absolutely terrifying. I went to where I thought the door should be and it wasn't. In the end I had to feel along the wall for about 15 minutes before I found the door. It happened to me again a few days ago but only lasted for about 5 minutes that time and I remembered where to go. I'm not on any new medications. It's like waking up in another dimension. Very very very bizarre! !

Jul 19, 2015, 11:34 AM

It's not that long ago that I went to the bathroom in the wee hours (pun intended) of the night, and on my way back suddenly thought I was in my aunts' house which was sold four years ago... I thought I was going into the kitchen of that house, rather than my own bedroom. It was really disconcerting.

Jul 19, 2015, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BayBrony

A few weeks ago I woke up, got up to go to the bathroom and realized I was completely disoriented in the dark and I couldn't find the door. It was absolutely terrifying. I went to where I thought the door should be and it wasn't. In the end I had to feel along the wall for about 15 minutes before I found the door. It happened to me again a few days ago but only lasted for about 5 minutes that time and I remembered where to go. I'm not on any new medications. It's like waking up in another dimension. Very very very bizarre! !

I am so glad I didn't just automatically get out of bed half asleep otherwise I'd of been in the same boat this morning...

Jul 19, 2015, 11:40 AM

wee hours... pun intended... i just caught that! tee hee Mast!

unaluna · Jul 19, 2015, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

sorry

[ ˈsärē, ˈsô- ]

ADJECTIVE

feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune:
synonyms: sad · unhappy · sorrowful · distressed · upset · downcast

This is how I use "I'm sorry" most of the time.

I can see now how i should really be saying "excuse me" when i bump into furniture!

seriously thanks for this! :

unaluna · Jul 19, 2015, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

It is not as much withholding it as just not my job to give it on demand. It is annoying and oppressive at times. I feel suffocated.

I feel its passive aggressive or attention seeking behavior, looking for a response from me. T talks about how important it is for people to be able to be alone together. That a kid learns to do that with their mother. That didnt happen here. There was like a force field around her. My dad was more companionable.

Jul 19, 2015, 12:13 PM

I don't even know the meaning of the words "alone together" where my mother is concerned. No. Does not compute. There is NO such thing as companionable silence where she and I are concerned. You wanna know something sad.... the forgiveness I had found for her, has somehow morphed into something akin to she doesn't even exist unless something reminds me of her and then I just feel mad all over again. Blah. So perhaps I will never be able to forgive her completely.

unaluna · Jul 19, 2015, 12:22 PM

Ditto art. Well put.

JustShakey · Jul 19, 2015, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Everyone tells me I apologize way too much. My t is always telling me to stop apologizing, hubby always does, my son does, my coworkers... sometimes yes I am probably looking for reassurance too. But sometimes, and probably more of the time, I am sorry because I genuinely feel bad for the other person whatever it is they have just said to me. I'm not saying "I'm sorry" because I think I did something wrong, but because I truly feel bad that they feel bad. I guess I need to find a different way to say that. Does "I'm sorry" have no other meaning than "I apologize"? To me, I guess "I'm sorry" means "I feel sorrow" sometimes, not only "I apologize". Language experts out there, please weigh in!

although, my over-apologizing means I never lose points at work in our Quality scores in that area - if we don't apologize at least once, we lose 2 points. I apologize so much they should GIVE me points. heh heh

Yeah, there really is a lot of ways of using 'I'm sorry'. As I said earlier I use 'sorry' in place of 'excuse me'. Americans use it a lot to express sympathy/empathy (took me forever to get used to this one, it feels 'fake' to me). And then of course there's the clenched-jaw inducing 'I'm sorry you feel that way'.

Jul 19, 2015, 12:34 PM

Seriously, do people usually get companionable silences with their parents, in childhood or as adults? That is something you get with friends, if you're lucky (and I get it with my T and it is rather healing), but with family? With our parents, when we're kids? I really don't understand how that could work.

JustShakey · Jul 19, 2015, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I disagree. What does it cost me to offer reassurance? And if they need reassurance, how does it help them to withhold it?

You would be surprised how much of an emotional cost is involved in having to continually bolster another's confidence. It gets so wearing. Yes. You're fine. I've told you the same thing 50 million times FFS! And it rubs off on you after a while, they keep questioning, and you begin to doubt yourself. Everyone needs some reassurance, but being with somebody who constantly needs reassurance is awfully one-sided. Your own needs are not being met.
As for withholding it - well, like Lolagrace said earlier, the confidence must come from within. If you keep spoon feeding them they're never going to learn. Probably only get worse.

Jul 19, 2015, 12:38 PM

Thank you for that, JS.

Jul 19, 2015, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Seriously, do people usually get companionable silences with their parents, in childhood or as adults? That is something you get with friends, if you're lucky (and I get it with my T and it is rather healing), but with family? With our parents, when we're kids? I really don't understand how that could work.

I did, actually, there were good times with my dad as well as bad... I remember sitting in his shop watching him create with wood for hours just being so fascinated... and we rarely talked... he would work, and I would watch, and to this day when I smell sawdust I remember those times.

I'm glad I am able to. And maybe that is because I truly did forgive him for the 'bad stuff'... and that forgiveness is real and forever, a good deal of which probably has to do with the fact that after I was an adult, we were waiting in the car for my sister one time and out of the blue he apologized for the 'bad stuff' with tears in his eyes, I had never seen him cry before, and I knew it was genuine. My mother however... never mind. I won't go back there.

I'm going to go bake something.

Jul 19, 2015, 12:42 PM

It's good to have such memories, art.

JustShakey · Jul 19, 2015, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Seriously, do people usually get companionable silences with their parents, in childhood or as adults? That is something you get with friends, if you're lucky (and I get it with my T and it is rather healing), but with family? With our parents, when we're kids? I really don't understand how that could work.

I used to have them with my dad, but not my mam. She is one of those people who needs a lot of reassurance, not necessarily through over-apologizing, but needing constant verbal feedback. She would always badger me to get out of my room, stop reading, stop whatever I might have been doing quietly, to talk to her. Yet she would constantly complain, and still complains, about how annoying people were when they come to visit/invade her space (and then complains when they don't come... Argh!). Most of my childhood memories are overlaid with the feeling of having no escape, nowhere to run to.

Squirrel1983 · Jul 19, 2015, 12:57 PM

Well, I went to CVS and got $45 dollars of toiletries and snacks (and things like fingernail polish remover and make-up remover) for $15. I get so lucky sometimes. And I got $5 more in extra rewards bucks which I can spend tomorrow when I take my meal break at work. I don't get a meal break tonight as my shift is only 5 hours, which is not that long compared to what I have been getting this summer. I may get a couple more colors of nail polish (I think I am turning a new leaf and want to do "girly" stuff). There is still the buy $15 dollars, get $5 rewards going on for some of the cosmetics brands. Maybe another color of lipstick too, so I can change it up every once in a while.

I need to go to work in a couple of hours. Here's hoping to it's steady (so it's not boring), but not crazy busy (which can be overwhelming).