Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't go well, Leah. I know this was important to you, and you'd been looking forward to it.

(((leah))) I'm sorry it didn't go as you'd hoped.

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I'm so sorry . I know you were really looking forward to it. Plus I want to bonk her on the head and be like " how could you not realize you should watch the movie TOGETHER? ????"

Good day so far. No t today. Its like a freakin holiday. Im doing a little housework, i took a swim - i havent been in the pool for a month cuz i hurt my back - i had a light breakfast (french toast made w one egg and 15g of gf bread) and tofu 'n' quinoa salad for a late lunch. The husband at the tea party yesterday is SO HEALTHY - hes very inspiring!.

Hey couch

I caught a hug StressedMess, thanks! And hugs to Leah and anyone who wants one, - I'm all nice and clean after my bath and I smell of Shea butter, so...

Am recovering after a visit from my mother, and a hectic bonkers week. Good stuff to look forward to for now though, so, deep breath and on we go!

Also...emailed T before last session to say *trigger* can she bring up SI cos I'm struggling....she emailed back that she doesn't know what it means. Then neither of us mentioned the email in the session, and of course I didn't mention SI cos the whole point of the email is that I can't talk about it!

Anyway, hope you all sleep well xx

So, T finally has a review on one of those review your doctor websites.. and it is BAD. Like all one star. It really bothers me for some reasons. However, the thing is.. I could see how somebody could give him bad scores. He runs late all the time, he has very loose boundaries, and he has a hard time following through with things. As a longer term patient with him, we have worked through this stuff. He has apologized, I have learned to be a bit more forgiving, etc. Though, I do have to take into consideration that he sees a lot of court ordered clients through dfs.. and wonder if he pissed one of those clients off because he had to testify in a court hearing, or give a bad report to case worker or something.. But it bothers me to know that he has bad rating out there!!

BPA - sorry to hear that your ex-husband is not moving away.

Calling t in 20 mins about this fragility stuff. And probly the relationship stuff again. Why is that part still so damn embarrasing after going on 4 years??? Sigh.

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Mine has a bad rating out there too. Took me awhile to find even one. The whole time I was reading through it I was like, "yup, that's her" lol

What sites are there besides healthgrades?

My t has only one rating that I could find, and it's mine.

So I just talked to t, she helped me SO much, got me back down in my body, it's so crazy how she can hear it in my voice when I'm all up in my head. And then she knows just what to say to help me get back down in my body and grounded again. I told her just how bad I had been feeling last week, everything..... just hearing her voice I almost started crying from relief but I didn't... I talked through it instead.

When I got home (I talk to her from my car in the parking lot at work for privacy) my hubby said immediately that he could tell I had talked to my "head person" as he calls her ha ha, he said I look normal again. I feel normal again....

....normal being relative, of course!

Arte, are you flipping out because you guys did decide to buy the house? What, you thought nobody was paying attention and you could just slip that into a post and nobody would notice? We're mostly too nice to say anything, but then we go on a diet and anything can happen

Well... honestly... I thought I was done freaking out about THAT! But you might be right, that might still be part of it. I wouldn't be surprised.

People actually noticing me is something I'm still getting used to. So I really wouldn't know.... although I realize that was a rhetorical question...... do I need to worry what else you and your diet are going to pick up on now?

I just didnt want you to think nobody saw it. Honestly. Really. Im a sweet person. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a pin in my eye. Should i have put a trigger warning on that?

So, why is it that when I have a good t session, we are the same page.. I walk away automatically so insecure. Afraid something is gonna happen to t, or he is even going to cancels or something? This has got to be some kind of dysfunctional attachment type right?

Hi, couch.

I am home from work. My interview went well. They said they would call either way tomorrow (errr...today...it is after midnight). I've had that said to me in the past and it did not happen, but hopefully it will this time. The principal there used to be dean at my current school my 2nd year at my current school. She remembered me and asked how I was doing on the way to her office. Being that she "knows" me, the liklihood of her calling either way is probably a little higher than others.

While at work at CVS, I got several more calls for interviews (which I did not get until I got to my car at 7:30 for my break, so I will have to call them back in the morning). I also checked my email on my break and had an email requesting an interview as well. Now just to work them around my CVS schedule.

See pdoc tomorrow. Have to work interviews around that as well.

I'm going to have a busy next couple of days.

I am having such a "bad" supper. I am eating a box of generic Cheeze-Its. Too late to cook something, so junk food it is.

Congrats on the interviews Squirrel!! That's wonderful and I do hope you get callbacks with good news.

I think it is just an adjustment thing, like people unconsciously learn to do in relation to how they stand/sit with another person? You know how when a person is too close or far away and you adjust where you are in relation to them. I think that happens psychologically too so when you are on the same page, not something I was very accustomed to with T at first, it's like someone standing too close to you and you have to back up a step or two. Things too good? Something bad's gonna happen.

Squirrel - good luck on the interviews!

I hate when I have a really amazing warm loving session and then the next day I feel SOOOO awful....

Started inputting calendars: my chorus schedule, my son's choir schedule, church choir schedule, school calendar . . . My eyes are crossed. It would help if they would all update their iCAL accounts so I could do it at an easy click of a button, but they are all behind in doing this and I need to start looking at planning my life for the next 10 months. I do have an insane calendar.

Also started thinking about thinking about (that was a deliberate repetition) lesson planning. It would help if I knew exactly what I am teaching this fall, but again, that is information we are left to guess at at this point.

Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of Netflix. I highly recommend the series Sherlock. Got me to start rereading the Sherlock Holmes series of novels and short stories. Not sure I've ever gotten through all of them.

Last night was the radio broadcast of our Bernstein "Kaddish" concert. It was pretty fantastic to listen to. One more broadcast in a couple weeks of Mahler's 3rd. Hopefully they'll have some CD's for us when we head back into rehearsal end of August.

Which sherlock? With the yummy cumberbatch and the round little watson? It is really outstanding. Also i hear there is a new movie with laura linney as his housekeeper and ian mckellan as sherlock in his 90's.

Yup. That's the one.

Ugh, I had a great weekend and was hoping I had shaken off the depression that has been lingering for months now. But, no. It was back by yesterday morning and I am feeling so much more miserable after therapy. Therapy sucks. I just keep getting smacked in the face by how delusional I am sometimes about what is possible or ... something. Cannot even articulate it. Just so unhappy and pissed off at myself also that I cannot ****ing stop hoping.

The weekend really was great, though. D went riding with me and beat me in one day of the competition.

Am still feeling blessedly grounded since talking to t yest. She said exactly what i needed to hear (among other things) the "you are not your feelings" followed by "even when there are a lot of them." i am so grateful.

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