[BayBrony]

I didn't want to hijack the thread about vision changes but...lately I've been having major issues with dissociation toward the end of my sessions. My T is very sensitive and caring but I am also very stoic and she doesn't always realize it's happening. Sometimes she realizes it but we are pretty much out of time. I don't know how to cope with it . I meditate and do yoga but lately it's not helping much. Once I start checking out I tend to have issues with my eating disorder . Lately it's practically been a full on relapse. How do you get back to yourself? ??? I wanted to add I am.not sure of the trigger right now so it's not as if I can just stop talking about whatever triggers it...

I have shut down in therapy. The therapist usually sees it coming and says "stay with me" or "don't go anywhere" but sometimes it still happens. Sometimes I'm aware of it, but just gone mute, sometimes I'm not, and come out of it on my own. Sometimes the therapist talks through it, but usually, silence. Oftentimes when I check out it's when I've been asked a very difficult question I don't want to answer, or when a topic is brought up that I think has been beat to death. For some reason, it only happens in the last half of therapy. Never the first. There were a couple times where I dissociated, and when I "came back," I got up and just left. I don't know how to control or change it, I still dissociate now as much as I did three years ago.

[Leah123]

I'd suggest proactively building an ending ritual into therapy, to counter the dissociation, something she can craft with you based on her training. That way, you can use it, and if it turns out you don't need it in any given session and do it anyway, no harm done, it's good practice.

[BayBrony]

We have a good ending ritual. Today T deviated from it which set me off a bit.
The problem is generally that I Check out close to the end of session and then go out into the world like that and struggle to get back to myself

[Leah123]

That's what I mean, not a general ritual, but a specific ritual against checking out at the end of session. My T and I have one, actually a few.

One's visualization oriented, one's more practical, activity oriented, and a third is a physical exercise.

So that whether or not she picks up on your dissociation, you're doing work to counter it. If it turns out you didn't need it that session, it's ok, but it's there as a safeguard.

Mine will sometimes ask me to focus on something and tell me 3 things about it or get something cold and ask me to hold it. It doesnt normally work the only thing that really gets me out of that state weirdly enough is a jolt of fear but that doesnt always work either. Maybe tell her you have a pattern of doing it when the session is ending and ask for her help.

Time & talking. I seldom dissociate now.

[BeatriceBlue]

I have a piece of jewelry that I wear to help me. If I feel myself slipping, I touch it to remind myself to stay present. Now it's become part of my normal rituals, and it definitely helps in sessions.

When I was in therapy and after I began to recognize that I dissociated, I learned to bring myself back. In the beginning, I had to rely on the therapist, but I got quite good at grounding myself. As soon as I noticed me--feeling at though my body was moving backwards away from the therapist or my vision got dim or tunnel like or when I felt spacy or otherworldly--I would immediately stop my therapist from talking by holding up my hand, or stop myself if I was talking and I'd push my feet hard against the floor (uncross my legs if they were crossed), put my hand on the couch pillow or on my leg, and I'd begin to name things in the room. I would include the name of the object and it's color. (ie. I see a small stone figurine of a Buddha on the shelf, I see a picture of red posies in the field, the frame is wood and painted black etc.). I'd also rub the cushion for the kinesthetic sensation or rub my leg and notice the texture of what I was wearing.
For me, this technique was very empowering because I didn't have to rely on someone else to ground me. I was in charge.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by BeatriceBlue

I have a piece of jewelry that I wear to help me. If I feel myself slipping, I touch it to remind myself to stay present. Now it's become part of my normal rituals, and it definitely helps in sessions.

Interesting...I have a bracelet with words on square beads that I keep in my car and wear to therapy. I use that to play with...I'm actually wearing the elastic band out of it. I will play with it the entire session. It stays on my shifter in my car unless I'm in therapy.

[BeatriceBlue]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Interesting...I have a bracelet with words on square beads that I keep in my car and wear to therapy. I use that to play with...I'm actually wearing the elastic band out of it. I will play with it the entire session. It stays on my shifter in my car unless I'm in therapy.

What do the words say?

For me it's a plain silver ring I bought at about the time I started swimming back up to the surface, though, tbh, I had no idea I'd been drowning until much later.

There's other things I've taken with me to sessions... a stuffed bear a few times when I needed protecting and a wooden toy rattle when I needed something tactile and external to soothe myself.

[musinglizzy]

GRATITUDE
I actually found it a few years ago in a hospital gift shop...lol