What's the hardest thing you've ever had to say...?

I'm not sure what has been the most difficult thing; many things have been very hard to talk about. But perhaps it was when I told him that I'd lied to him in the previous session.

Hardest to tell her was about taking an overdose a few years ago, the reason why I did that and how the T's I had reacted.

It was also hard to tell her how bad my suicidal thoughts were.

Telling about my feelings for Pdoc. I find it hard to talk about it to T. And it was so so hard to tell Pdoc.

There are more things, but I havent told her those.

No, she didn't.

I reported him when I read in the newspaper that AbuserPsychiatrist had been arrested for allegedly keeping another female patient in his motel room against her will, giving her a drug and having sex with her. The news article said two or three others had come forward at the time, I think. This happened a year to the month after he had sex with me.

After I read he had been arrested, I called PrevT immediately, then I called the police. That's when I knew what she had been telling me had been true...that he had exploited me...once I knew he was exploiting others.

I realized he was not a good man who made a mistake because I knew then, for certain, I was not the only one.

Eventually I was one of seven who reported him.

Too many...

That I manipulate professionals and put on a role of the thing to be cared for, rather than talking about issues that actually are important to me, just giving them something to care about. That I am pissed off that it works and they fall for it...

That I think she has boundary issues and if I am dependent on her all the time (outside of office) I will never learn other forms of relationships (professionals have replaced almost every important relationship in my life since I was a kid).

When I was younger with Ts--prostitution, certain aspects of abuse, anything I thought they might disclose to my parents (sadly, they did)...

Once, a t managed to get me to say that I was in love with my best friend (I had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old, getting me to say that I loved anyone was almost impossible).

Anything suggesting hope for the future. Anything about a lack of hope for the future...

My session yesterday, where I finally broke my "never let anyone see me cry" rule, because she was forcing me to acknowledge that I do not control the universe, and that I have to stop accepting the blame for things that are absolutely out of my control. The hardest thing I've ever said out loud, in my whole life, and she basically goaded me into it. She asked me "so what was your diabolical plot, your underlying motivation, your dastardly plan and how long in advance had you begun working on it?" I just gaped at her like a goldfish and started sobbing, because I had no answer.

Ugh.
Three words that someone said to me years ago....when I said them I thought I would actually die, right in her living room, with her cats staring at me. (I didn't). Then she forgot anyway....

Recently, about something I do, which is not very nice....and that i did it when I was younger too. You know when you just ramble on dropping loads of hints 'it's a bit like what i said last session, not last session the one before, like that but different, when I was little, so...' And T's like, 'er, no?' And I think 'wtf I just told you! How can you not work it out from that?'

"I like girls"
Also that I crave a mother figure, and that ideally she should be it for me.

"goodbye."

That I wish she wouldn't leave, before she went on vacation and to admit I care and I feel something in relation to her.

Past sexual abuse, she knew it was there because I did mark it in a form when I started but declared it off limits. Then I had a recent flare up and started crying and managed to get it out over the phone. I was absolutely hysterical and she kept making me stop and do breathing exercises, The phone was the only way I was able to verbalized it and no details, I managed to write it up and give it to her last session but said it couldn't be discussed that time because I had to be somewhere and functional after. Which was true.

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Even after a year in therapy, I still don't have the strength to say it. I can't say half of what I need to say. It sucks.

I suspect it's what I'm planning to tell her at my next appointment. I should have told her last time, or the time before that, or the time before that, but I chickened out each time.

I cannot bring myself to tell my university mentor/therapist that I love her. I have tried, but it just seems impossible. It makes me want to cry.

I've told my T I love her. She would say it back. She doesn't anymore, so I quit saying it. No one can take away what I feel though.

I don't know what it is, but I think you could. If you trust your T enough.

Two times. The first time was when I had to tell my mom her mom died and the second time I had to tell my special needs child that his hero my dad had just died

That I was attached to her.
Asking her what she thinks of me as a person.

Goodbye...

And things that made me feel vulnerable, like stuff from my childhood.