[nervous puppy]

I’m “freaking out” a bit here. Anxiety “me” is having a “free-for-all” inside my head over this and I don’t know what to do or where to turn.
On one hand I know I should just take things one breath at a time and let things just be, but I can’t. I feel like I’m on the verge of…I don’t know…panic?
I have the HARDEST time identifying feelings. I have a strong vocabulary EXCEPT when it comes to my feelings. Then I have nothing but a blank.
OK. Sorry, back to why my anxiety is kicking into full gear. I recently (past 3 to 4 weeks) started getting into meditation (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) as a way to deal with the BS and stresses at work (and the whole of my life too). I’m reading “Full Catastrophe Living” and doing the guided meditations on the CD’s. I like it. I think it’s helping a little. I want to learn more and I think it would be beneficial for me to attend a class and /or a retreat. So, I went online and found a group that practices this very method (the teacher of this group trained and worked with Jon Kabat-Zinn). They have week day meetings, weekend meetings, have classes, and host retreats.
I was kind of excited about this possibility and mentioned it to my T, who got me reading the book in the first place. Turns out, T, is involved with this group. She goes to the one of their weekly meetings on weekday mornings. I couldn’t go during the day during the week since I have to work, but I would go on the weekend. I definitely would NOT go on the day she goes. But…AAAAHHHHH! I don’t want to invade her personal time or space!!! Oh man! What if I run into her?!?!
Ugh! This is eating at me.
We did talk about it briefly in session. If we do happen to run into each other in the “outside” world, she would not acknowledge me. If I say something first, she will respond. So that way, it’s up to me, and she doesn’t break any privacy laws or issues.
Okay. That works for me. But here’s my problem; I don’t want to be seen. I’m so paranoid about my weight and how I look that I don’t want anyone to see me. I think that people I know will “observe” me from wherever they are, laugh at what a fool I am, and I won’t know it. It’s that type of thinking that prevents me from shopping at the mall, walking around the business park at lunch time, walking the dog around the neighborhood, etc. I “know” she won’t laugh at me, but I can’t help the “feeling” in my stomach.
In spite of my nerves and my stomach being all wound up tight, I did manage to send an email to the group with a bunch of questions to hopefully calm my fears. I asked about a class coming up for beginners, but I haven’t heard back yet.
I emailed T to let her know that I was inquiring about the class and how I felt about invading “her space”. Her response was “no worries- we are all students.” Then she said we would talk more about it later.
I’m really trying to just take it as it is, but my fears are so damn ingrained in my head! And it sounds like a broken record! Aaarrrggghhh!!!
On top of that, I just afraid of going to a new place with new people and new things. Scared. To. Death.
Yet I KNOW that it’s something that will help me and be good for me.
I’m a bundle of nerves right now. I want to cry, but I don’t know what I’m crying about. Normally, I would just say “screw it” and give up, but I’m really trying hard not to do that this time. Really.

I guess this got kinda long...SORRY!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

My T said if we met she would just smile. I said I would introduce her as my probation officer.

[musinglizzy]

My T also suggested Full Catastrophe Living. I bought it, but haven't read a lot of it yet. She's also trying to get me to meditate. My T sounds a lot like yours. I've never run into her in public, but I don't think I'd be phased by it if I did. She also told me that she would follow my lead if it ever happened, I would need to make the first move. Just remember...your T is just a person. If the chance of running into her bothers you enough, is there another meditation group you could join?

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

My T also suggested Full Catastrophe Living. I bought it, but haven't read a lot of it yet. She's also trying to get me to meditate. My T sounds a lot like yours. I've never run into her in public, but I don't think I'd be phased by it if I did. She also told me that she would follow my lead if it ever happened, I would need to make the first move. Just remember...your T is just a person. If the chance of running into her bothers you enough, is there another meditation group you could join?

I did search for other local groups, but couldn't find any. This one just seemed like it was exactly what I was looking for.
I need to work through this and get past it. I know that. It's just really really hard!! Maybe I need to work on a list of all the things about T (not just her specifically) that worry me. For instance: crossing boundaries, wanting to know personal information about her, running into her in public, offending her, making her angry, making her want to reject me, etc.
I don't know why this gets me so frazzled.

BTW, it is not an "easy" read. At least it wasn't for me. It's taking me a lot of time to slog through it. However, it is FULL of good information, so I think taking it slow, and reading short amounts at a time is good.

[Daystrom]

Somewhat of a tangent; I really have to wonder what kind of ****ed-up profession makes it unethical for its practitioners to even ACKNOWLEDGE their own clients outside of the office. I've never heard of such a thing and it seems like the last thing a client with abandonment, avoidance, or inferiority issues would need if he or she were to run into their T in the "outside world".

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by nervous puppy

I did search for other local groups, but couldn't find any. This one just seemed like it was exactly what I was looking for.
I need to work through this and get past it. I know that. It's just really really hard!! Maybe I need to work on a list of all the things about T (not just her specifically) that worry me. For instance: crossing boundaries, wanting to know personal information about her, running into her in public, offending her, making her angry, making her want to reject me, etc.
I don't know why this gets me so frazzled.

BTW, it is not an "easy" read. At least it wasn't for me. It's taking me a lot of time to slog through it. However, it is FULL of good information, so I think taking it slow, and reading short amounts at a time is good.

That's exactly why I haven't read it yet! I started it, and my head started levitating and spinning...lol.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Daystrom

Somewhat of a tangent; I really have to wonder what kind of ****ed-up profession makes it unethical for its practitioners to even ACKNOWLEDGE their own clients outside of the office. I've never heard of such a thing and it seems like the last thing a client with abandonment, avoidance, or inferiority issues would need if he or she were to run into their T in the "outside world".

I haven't run into one of my T's in public (yet!), but from what I've heard, it's that the T can't be the first to acknowledge you due to confidentiality. Like if I saw my T at a restaurant while out with a friend, she couldn't be like, "Hey Lonesome!" But if I walked up to her and said, "Hi, T!" then she could acknowledge me.

[feralkittymom]

Daystrom, many people consider therapy to be intensely private and are uncomfortable sharing that knowledge with others in their lives. If a person isn't concerned with privacy, then usually a different arrangement is agreed upon. But Ts believe it is best to err on the side of caution in order to respect the client.

Puppy, it sounds like you have two concerns that may or may not overlap. You have a fear of how your T thinks about you, possible judgements, maybe shame about your own feelings about your T, curiosity, etc. So thoughts of being around your T--even hypothetically--outside of the closed atmosphere of session are uncomfortable. I think that's very understandable and pretty common. I think the antidote to that is to keep talking about it with her, and somewhat, the passage of time, more experience with her and trust in her.

But I also hear another issue about being visible in general. And this feeling is heightened when in new circumstances with new people--unknowns. Being visible seems to activate fears of being criticized and shamed, humiliated and mocked.
Perhaps you've had such experiences before; or perhaps you have such general feelings for other reasons and are projecting them onto different situations. It doesn't really matter as the feelings are what they are.

I experienced something similar, most strongly in my teens. Just walking down the street to my friend's house was difficult because I had neighbors who often sat on their porch and I knew they'd see me as I walked past. They had never been unkind to me--just the opposite. But because I was so shamed by my parents, those feelings just enveloped me.

Would it be possible for you to try to separate the fear feelings from the anxiety feelings? The fears are the cause, and the anxiety is the response/defense. You seem to understand cognitively that the fears don't really match the facts. So the anxiety "belongs" to something else. Can you talk to your T about where the anxiety might be coming from?

[Daystrom]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I haven't run into one of my T's in public (yet!), but from what I've heard, it's that the T can't be the first to acknowledge you due to confidentiality. Like if I saw my T at a restaurant while out with a friend, she couldn't be like, "Hey Lonesome!" But if I walked up to her and said, "Hi, T!" then she could acknowledge me.

That makes sense. I'm in an assume-the-worst mood today.

[Ellahmae]

I have a situation where I see my T in public on occasion. Some days I completely ignore her and at our next session it's like we weren't there at the same time, our 'run in' doesn't get acknowledged. Times when I'm feeling okay I'll say hello (I have to be the first or it breeches confidentiality) and we'll share a laugh and a little bit of passing conversation. I appreciate that any outside (or non) contact in public with T, it gets kept in that moment and never arises in the therapy room unless I bring it up.

[stopdog]

Happily for me, I would not recognize either of them out of context. I would be much aggrieved should either (not probable but I suppose not impossible) recognize and speak to me.

[catnip123]

My T and I belong to a large meetup group for women hikers. We decided ahead of time that if we are on the same hike we'll just treat each other like any of the other hikers - polite, general conversation. We've been on the same hike a few times and it has worked fine - no problems.

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by catnip123

My T and I belong to a large meetup group for women hikers. We decided ahead of time that if we are on the same hike we'll just treat each other like any of the other hikers - polite, general conversation. We've been on the same hike a few times and it has worked fine - no problems.

Thanks for this! This helps me to "normalize" the situation.

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Daystrom, many people consider therapy to be intensely private and are uncomfortable sharing that knowledge with others in their lives. If a person isn't concerned with privacy, then usually a different arrangement is agreed upon. But Ts believe it is best to err on the side of caution in order to respect the client.

Puppy, it sounds like you have two concerns that may or may not overlap. You have a fear of how your T thinks about you, possible judgements, maybe shame about your own feelings about your T, curiosity, etc. So thoughts of being around your T--even hypothetically--outside of the closed atmosphere of session are uncomfortable. I think that's very understandable and pretty common. I think the antidote to that is to keep talking about it with her, and somewhat, the passage of time, more experience with her and trust in her.

But I also hear another issue about being visible in general. And this feeling is heightened when in new circumstances with new people--unknowns. Being visible seems to activate fears of being criticized and shamed, humiliated and mocked.
Perhaps you've had such experiences before; or perhaps you have such general feelings for other reasons and are projecting them onto different situations. It doesn't really matter as the feelings are what they are.

I experienced something similar, most strongly in my teens. Just walking down the street to my friend's house was difficult because I had neighbors who often sat on their porch and I knew they'd see me as I walked past. They had never been unkind to me--just the opposite. But because I was so shamed by my parents, those feelings just enveloped me.

Would it be possible for you to try to separate the fear feelings from the anxiety feelings? The fears are the cause, and the anxiety is the response/defense. You seem to understand cognitively that the fears don't really match the facts. So the anxiety "belongs" to something else. Can you talk to your T about where the anxiety might be coming from?

I think I understand what you're saying. Yes, I see my T again in about a week and we will be talking about this, I'm sure of it. I'm going to write down some thoughts (you have me thinking!) so I can bring them up.