Trust.

Aug 16, 2015, 11:06 PM

I am finding it hard to trust my psychologist i want to talk to someone about how i am feeling but i cant help feeling like the more I tell him the more danger i am putting myself in. I feel like it is a trap like he is waiting for me to slip up or for me to tell him something that he can use i dont trust my family right now either like if i dont play along with their game they will all hurt me. I am tired and i want to scream because i feel like something is ripping and tearing inside me and i cant make it stop i feel like crying a lot too and i keep having panic attacks and I keep forgetting what day it is and i cant remember what happened yesterday and i keep being late to school and my room is a mess and i dont know i am sorry.

Leah123 · Aug 16, 2015, 11:27 PM

Could you maybe work with your T on counteracting the panic attacks? There are some great ways to do that which I learned through collaborating with my T and practice. I wonder- if you could control some of the painful symptoms you're having, it would help you gain more control and feel less stressed and more able to work on developing trust with your T gradually so you could feel safer sharing your struggles with him. Has he been trustworthy with past things you've shared?

Try not to worry about the messy room. It's supposed to be that way at your age!

Once you get the panic under control and get good rest, remembering things will be much easier too. (Eden1515)

Aug 16, 2015, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

Could you maybe work with your T on counteracting the panic attacks? There are some great ways to do that which I learned through collaborating with my T and practice. I wonder- if you could control some of the painful symptoms you're having, it would help you gain more control and feel less stressed and more able to work on developing trust with your T gradually so you could feel safer sharing your struggles with him. Has he been trustworthy with past things you've shared?

Try not to worry about the messy room. It's supposed to be that way at your age!

Once you get the panic under control and get good rest, remembering things will be much easier too. (Eden1515)

We have tried heaps of stuff to stop the panic attacks but nothing helps as for him being trust worthy in the past it is hard to say in some ways yes in others no. And my room is ALWAYS clean i have to keep it that way and the only other times it hasnt been i have ended up in the hospital.

Leah123 · Aug 16, 2015, 11:38 PM

Perhaps it's not so much trying lots of things as practicing one and that will create the feedback loop that you need to counteract your panic.

At any rate, I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible, I can relate to those wrenching feelings. I hope you'll pick one caring thing to do for yourself right now, whether listen to a song you like, make a cup of tea, do some gentle stretching to alleviate some of the tension, write a poem about someone or something that's had a positive impact on you, or whatever it is you find pleasurable and get some rest. This too shall pass.

Once you get some rest, many things will get easier.

Aug 16, 2015, 11:58 PM

But i havent been able to rest for about 10 months now and i really dont think this is going to pass it has been getting worse for years i think the time for passing has been and gone 10 times over. And i dont find anything fun anymore.

Leah123 · Aug 17, 2015, 12:00 AM

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

Aug 17, 2015, 12:04 AM

i really dont know how much longer i can take this

Leah123 · Aug 17, 2015, 12:15 AM

Then do you have much to lose by sharing it with him?

Aug 17, 2015, 01:35 AM

It isnt even that i cant tell him things i go mute i try but the words dont come out and i have tried wroting them down but i dont think he understood.

Aug 17, 2015, 07:48 AM

i nearly burst into tears at school because i couldnt handle going into the library ugh i hate that place it is really terrible. My head is racing and i feel bad. I am sorry.

Aug 17, 2015, 07:57 AM

I trusted and it did end up causing me a lot of damage. My motto is trust a little, but heavily guard as well. I would not recommend fully trusting a therapist. They have a lot of potential to cause massive amounts of harm. It's sad, but true.

Walking Man · Aug 17, 2015, 10:14 AM

Eden, I'm sorry you are in pain. Something that helps me is being compassionate with myself. When I'm feeling bad I know I can't do certain things very well, so I forgive myself if I can't. Trusting can be very hard. You can't do it all at once. It means more than telling someone a bunch of stuff. You can do that without really trusting them. If you can't talk it's ok, just try to be there with them the best you can. Hear what they have to say. If you can accept it or do what they say, great, but if you can't, that's ok too. Just give them the chance. That's the beginning of trust, being with someone and listening. Freedom is important in relationships. If you can't say something or do something because of how you feel it's ok. Sometimes it's good to tell someone something even if you are scared or embarrassed, but other times it's ok to wait. A lot of times just talking about anything, even the weather, helps. I know you are scared, but try to forgive yourself. You don't feel good, so you can't do things like you normally would. It's ok. You are in enough pain, don't be hard on yourself. If you can take some pressure off of yourself you will have more energy to deal with things you can't control. Things can get better. You are a lovable person.

Aug 17, 2015, 07:34 PM

If I am so lovable then why does everyone hate me? Also I can't be nice to myself that would be like being nice to hitler you just can't. I am already VERY guarded with my psychologist I am with everyone. The problem is I am not allowed to trust him or anyone completly. There are a lot of things I am not allowed to do.