[phillygirl]

I haven't posted in awhile, my life has turned upside down this last few months. But for once, this is a good thing and I did it myself. I didn't see my therapist for very long but it was so worthwhile. I really believe she saved my life in some ways. Or at least let me see there is something worth saving.

Anyway, I quit my job in the career I've had my whole life. And moved most of the way across the country and went back to school. All of these are really good things, that I could never have done last year. Or really any other point in my life and been ok. That's not directly related to the therapy, only that I can finally see out from under the black cloud that there really is something for me out there.

So obviously, I'm not seeing her anymore. I feel pretty good about keeping myself together and out of the black pit. And if I do fall, I know there's things I can do to help myself that work. I do get scared though, when I have a bad day or something happens, my first reaction is still panic or thnk the world is ending. The difference is now i can stop that, I just wish it wouldn't happen! But I guess living my whole life that way will make it a hard thing to just 'fix'.

I've had major depression issues on and off my whole life but I think this is the first time I've felt ok and it's been hard to not look for things that feel like I used to. It seems hard to understand being 'ok'. You know? It's such a huge weight off to be able to even talk about this stuff to people.

Anyway... what I want to know is how being without a therapist for awhile has gone for you? Do you find it easy to backslide? What I'd really like to hear is it goes ok for people. . I'm really hopeful of being ok now.

how long is "a while"? I've been gone for only three months...supposedly not permanently but just for a break.

and it has had it's ups and down. i have found i haven't died without my therapist. but my backslide has dropped me into some old coping mechanisms. but perhaps someday (if I don't give up) i may reach the levels you have.

congrats!

and (((((((((((((phillygirl))))))))))))))))

[SecretGarden]

Phillygirl.... Your post is a breath of fresh air....

[Perna]

If you're doing good and it feels okay, it probably will be? I was 9 years without my therapist (did the move, change job, got married, etc. thing too :-) and then it was a whole different reason/situation when I went back. I've terminated again, in 2005 (again moving, retiring, going back to school, etc. :-) and that's fine now too.

[lenjan]

I ended therapy in April 2006 and did without till just yesterday, in fact. I've pretty much solved everything to my satisfaction at this point, and while I've had both manic and depressive episodes in the last 6 months, they had everything to do with the stress of losing my support system of nearly a decade and moving to a new town across the state to start a new, stressful job.

I feel pretty good for the most part, just need some help getting over the hump of adjusting to my new life. I do have bad days now and then, but they are much fewer and farther between than they used to be, and I cope with them better. I know what you mean about feeling lighter, more hopeful. I'm still not quite used to that feeling, but I like it! LOL

Congrats to you and good job on your hard work. :-)

Candy

[sunrise]

phillygirl, it's so great to read of your success with depression and in life. Way to go! It sounds like you have learned some good coping skills to ward off the depression if it tries to return.

I read an article recently about backsliding after depression has been beaten. This was for people who used to have major depression but no longer do, and are not on anti-depressants anymore (if they used to be). They found that occasional psychotherapy sessions really helped the person from backsliding and could also help keep them from returning to meds. For example, people who had therapy only once a month (or less) had significantly less depression relapses than those without the therapy. It was almost like going to see a therapist occasionally was preventive medicine, similar to going to the dentist to get your teeth cleaned.

[phillygirl]

Thanks you guys! Candybear and Sunrise, your thoughts are really helpful Before I left, we talked about exactly what sunrise wrote. Going for a 'tune up' occassionally or just checking in with someone. Part of my concern is not being able to afford it for awhile and starting over with someone completely new after all this. But I could also do a phone session with L once in awhile and might do that if I feel like I need to. I have enough meds to last til fall. We had begun to approach stopping but when I decided to move, left it alone til after the transition and I get settled.

It used to be my first waking thought just about, taking it literally first thing every day. Lately I don't always remember til later in the day. I have a friend who is very into holistic/alternative medicine and one of the things she believes is that the body craves what it needs and doesn't so much when it doesn't. That was from homeopathy and I know that doesn't always agree with conventional medicine but it is interesting.

So my plan now is do the things I know work for me. And not beat myself up for having a regressing day. And if I need to get help, I know how to now and not to wait until I *really* need it.

I'm really glad to hear your stories too, gives me hope I can keep on this way

[phillygirl]

I totally forgot to write the thing I'm most excited about! I use the depression test on the quiz page to keep track of progress or lack of. For the FIRST TIME EVER I scored in the NO depression section!!! Granted only by one point but it's still there!!

In the beginning of February when I thought I was getting fired, it was way up in the 50s for awhile. Then started coming back down, sometimes in jumps, sometimes in steps each week after that. I was so excited this time to read that! This is where I would normally panic that it can't be right or it will never last but I'm really trying to keep a lid on that and just enjoy it for as long as it lasts.