[Gemstone]

My t just left practice to have a baby. She said she may come back in a few years, but in the mean time I feel abandoned. Part of my wants to call her so badly, but another part is so angry. I feel so hurt, and part of me wants to her to hurt too. Part of me wants to just scream, part of me wants to cry. I feel like I have been stomped on, and squashed like a bug. I opened up to her and I trusted her, but she left just like other people have. I feel irrational for feeling so hurt, but I can’t help it. I mean I know having a baby is a reason a lot of people stop working for periods, but I feel like I am being ripped apart from the inside. I have been through a few therapists before, but none that I connected with as much. I’ve even had therapists tell me that they won’t see me anymore, and that didn’t hurt as badly.

Now I have to start over, and it feels so hard. I’m afraid to open myself up again to someone new. I don’t want to feel so vulnerable and little anymore. I don’t want to get attached. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want to be better now, but I feel like I’m backtracking.

[lenjan]

Did your T tell you in advance that she wasn't going to come back to work after having the baby? At least that way you could have talked about it and gotten some closure.

If she just up and left, I see how that would hurt terribly, and I'm really sorry. My last T only gave me 6 weeks notice that he was leaving, but it helped us to talk about it and come to a successful conclusion.

Good luck.

[Gemstone]

She told me at first that she would be leaving in a few months, but then she left early so I didn't know for much time at all about her leaving. So I knew, but I still didn't get much closure.

[MissCharlotte]

((Gemstone))

I know this is a simply awful time for you. I can't imagine such a short time to process this information. Sometimes life has a way of intruding on our otherwise carefully managed plans, doesn't it? Although you feel like you are backtracking, I bet you will be able to bounce back much quicker now because of the wonderful relationship you had with T.

Has she been able to refer you to someone she trusts?

[Gemstone]

My psychiatrist gave me a few names, and I have an appointment to meet with one of them next week.

My old t only reccomended one person and it was a male, and I wont see a male t. I've tried with a male before and can't do it.

I guess thats part of it too. I am dissapointed that she didn't help me more to get set up with someone new before she just left. I was fine with a few months to process, but then she just at one appointment (less than a month after she said she would be leaving) said "this will be our last appointment". I wasn't ready for it yet at all.

Gemstone, From what you say here your T didn't do a very good job of ending. I'm sorry.

[SecretGarden]

Hey.... I like your puppy.... :-)

I think that your T did a bad job of winding things up with you. She should have helped you work through her departure and/or set you up with someone else. Really when in therapy, closure takes quite some time. I am sorry you have had this experience.

You might move on to someone else and that would be good but irregardless you might wish to work with your pdoc (ask for time if you can) to work though this abrupt departure. (oops...now I see you are already set to see someone ... I am pleased about that.... let yourself grieve your loss and let this person help. Your emotions are valid.)

Maybe she decided at the last minute to not come back or when to stop?? But .... really not the way a professional should do it...and she should know that. I am sorry.

[decemberdawn]

How a t ends a theraputic relationship can give a lot of insight of what kind of person they are. It does not sound like she put a lot of thought into it. If she left earlier than expected possibly she could have had some phone sessions to prepare you. I hope that your next t is more thoughtful.

hey. it sounds like a hard situation. she left at a time when you really needed to be connected with a therapist...

a thought...

maybe... it was easier for you to feel connected with her because you knew that it was fairly time limited from the start?

just a thought... i think i've had that before... the t i got most attached to was only around for 8 months. i got really attached and felt like i'd just about been destroyed when she left.

i think it is fairly important to go with your intuitions on your preference about your therapists gender. that being said... it might be that there is a connection there... when you meet him you could say that you really aren't sure about working with a guy... you could ask him whether he could make a reccomendation for a female therapist for you.

i'm the other way around. much prefer to work with males than females.

i'm sorry you are hurting right now. it hurts so much. so much. i'm sorry.

That's so hard. I'm so sorry.
When I was 17, I was really attached to a social worker who left to have a baby. The agency would only see me until I was 18 so I just left. When I called back a long time later, they told me the social worker I asked for had left, and wouldn't tell me where she went so that I could contact her. It broke my heart, and I swore up and down I'd never get attached or go to therapy again. Then when I was a few months away from being 21, I took the dive and entered therapy again. I was lucky, my T is so awesome.

[Gemstone]

I didn't know that time would be limited when I started. I don't know that I would have allowed myself to become so attached if I knew she would leave, though I guess in the back of my mind I think everyone will leave me so it shouldn't have surprised me. I only had a few weeks to process after she told me she would be leaving and then bam "Today will be our last session". Ouch. I had been seeing her for a good bit of time before this.

The person I am seeing is female. My psychiatrist recomended her. I'm hoping it works out, though I really don't want to allow myself to get attached again.

I've tried with a male therapist, but I couldn't talk about the sexual abuse. It was far too shameful. Its shameful to talk to a female too, but I just couldn't do it with a guy. He would ask me questions and I would just melt into the chair.