[musinglizzy]

I had therapy yesterday. Even after a year and a half, I struggle to talk, especially in the beginning. Even if I have a thousand and one things to talk about, I struggle. My T has been quite good at getting me started on something, and then I can usually talk. But occasionally (like yesterday), we have a session where she brings my struggle up. She will remind me that we have all these topics we could be picking one and discussing, but that I can't seem to "stay engaged" in therapy. Sometimes I feel like she's scolding me, or frustrated with me that I don't take the initiative to start up topics I may want to talk about.

Does anyone else have this problem, and if so, how does your T handle it?

[ThingWithFeathers]

Yes, I have great difficulty talking in t. When I first started, 2 and a half years ago, I just sat shaking, not looking my t in the eye, not being able to speak and answering questions with 'I don't know'. My t has been patient and, through a lot of questioning and a lot of guess work, my t has taught me how to talk a little. Her ability to read me and make educated guesses about what I wanted to say or couldn't say has been invaluable to me and my ability to talk. She took risks in guessing what was on my mind and that has paid off fantastically.

[SkyscraperMeow]

It's harder to get me to shut up than to get me to talk. I can't imagine being lectured or scolded by a therapist (or really, by anyone.)

I think it's unfair if a therapist takes advantage of someone with a softer disposition and uses the opportunity to dominate them, for want of a better term. Someone who is struggling to talk needs understanding, not nagging.

[AllHeart]

I have the exact same problem. My T handles the situation with a very gentle disposition, and with lots of compassion. She knows and understands my struggles to talk. She has learned how to gently pull most stuff out of me. When she can't, she tells me it's ok and that we can try again when I am ready. She also reminds me that I've come a long way in talking since starting therapy over a year ago so it's nice to be reminded of my progress. Never in a million years would she scold me or make me feel bad for not being able to talk. It's unfortunate your T treats you as such.

[timentimeagain]

I felt scolded after too many I don't knows...he got fed up and said...do you not understand what I am asking

I am still with same T . I guess he was having a bad day. Or I was annoying Him too much.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks, glad to know I'm not alone. I guess I'd think after a year and a half it would be easier to take the initiative and just start talking. Really, I'm quite sure my T is not scolding me. I'm a very sensitive person, and it just feels that way sometimes. Believe me, if this were easier, I probably wouldn't be in therapy at all!

[ruh roh]

I'm not like this now, but I was in my early years of therapy. It was hell. With one I really liked, I wanted very much to talk, but I just couldn't. After a couple months, I gave up. With the others, it was the same, only I stayed on longer before giving up. I don't know what's different about me or the therapist I see now, but I just go for it. The harder the topic, the more I make myself just say it and get it over with.

I do think a good fit with a therapist helps, but I wouldn't pin it all on that. Some people have a great therapist, but still can't open up. I would say it takes time or a different therapist, but I know you struggle with the idea of going elsewhere. Bottom line: it's torture to not be able to talk (at least, it was for me for many many years).

With my ex-T I found it hard to talk, when she said something my mind would go blank and I didn't have anything to say in reply. I think it was anxiety, I might even call it terror. This doesn't happen with my current T.

[Chummy]

I've known my T for more than 2.5 years and I'm back in therapy since the start of this year. I still struggle to talk to her. I find it hard to bring up topics. My T has been very patient and understandable. She asks me questions, she brings up topics we've discused before, she understands me very good, she understands that it's hard for me and she also knows how my mind works/thinks. This makes it a little bit easier to say things.
I have said once that I'm afraid she finds me annoying because I talk so little. But she said that's just who I am and that I'll never be a big talker and that that's ok.

I think she handled it very good from the beginning. With previous T's I had things to tell and I wanted to talk about things, but I was so anxious to tell them. They didn't really know how to handle this/me, even though the website of all those practises also mentioned that they treat social anxiety. But they never could make me to really talk and they never asked the right questions. And some of them kind of gave up on trying ot get me to talk.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I find it hard to talk about certain subjects. I don't have a problem talking unless my T is not herself. If she is acting different I can't and wont talk to her. I tell her I feel something is off and she is not all there for that session. She is good about telling me what is going on so that I can talk and have a productive session. If a subject is hard to talk about sometimes I will sit there and just stare at her and she asks me if I am ok and says that its ok that I am not talking and I can go at my own pace and asks if there is anything she can do to help. I can not imagine if she scolded me for it. I am sorry that happened to you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I had therapy yesterday. Even after a year and a half, I struggle to talk, especially in the beginning. Even if I have a thousand and one things to talk about, I struggle. My T has been quite good at getting me started on something, and then I can usually talk. But occasionally (like yesterday), we have a session where she brings my struggle up. She will remind me that we have all these topics we could be picking one and discussing, but that I can't seem to "stay engaged" in therapy. Sometimes I feel like she's scolding me, or frustrated with me that I don't take the initiative to start up topics I may want to talk about.

Does anyone else have this problem, and if so, how does your T handle it?

Haha I thought I was reading a question written by me. I've been in therapy for for a year and even now I can't for the life of my talk about anything. I can't just walk in, have her ask me whats wrong, then just start talking about it. For me it's more of:

T: how was your week?
me: it was good
T: is there anything you would like to discuss?
me: No not really
T: *asks if I'm sure about 500 times*
me: Yes I'm sure!

This happens every week. Then she moves on to a topic that she thinks would be good to discuss. I even sent her an apology letter about not being able to talk and saying sorry for being so difficult because Im sure having a client sit there and barely speak is a bit annoying but she assures me that its normal and it takes time for some people. Luckily though she lets me email her so whenever something comes up that is really bad or causing a lot of anxiety I can send her an email and well talk about it in session. (2 months ago I was in a VERY bad place and because of that now were doing exposure therapy which is tough).

Overall, I would say that it's normal and your therapist shouldnt mind because I'm sure you arent the first or last client who is having a hard time speaking. Take it easy on yourself. you're doing great

[dontevenknow]

I experienced something similar. I would always plan before my appointment, making a list of things I want/need to talk about. But then I would get there and just freeze. I had a hard time initiating. I think there was a small issue with my T expecting me to bring things up and me wanting her to bring things up. But as it has been said, they can't read our minds. Sometimes, I feel like they tread lightly because they don't want to push too hard.
What I ended up doing was having a conversation w T. I said that I have a tough time bringing things up and told her I think it would be beneficial for her to bring things up and ask directly. I told her she didn't need to worry about pushing too hard, that I was capable of saying no if it went past my comfort zone. I mentioned that I made a list before hand (mental or typed), I started bringing the list with me that way when she asked what I want to talk about she had a heads up that something was on my mind, and I had a guide so I didn't blank.
I hope this was helpful. I am sorry that you felt T was scolding you in a way (even if she wasn't). I am very sensitive as well so I get the feeling.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I always bring a list of what I want to talk about. It helps.