Do you think it would be helpful?

I am finally getting OK, maybe, after 5 years of therapy for PDNOS and DDNOS. I’m sad about my dysfunctional family, my somewhat dysfunctional life, etc. I’m too old to become a therapist myself but I had so much terrible, unhelpful, sometimes harmful therapy before I got to my current T, I wonder if it might be helpful if I tried to describe some of my experiences, in a blog or a book or something, so that some therapists might have a chance to get a clue? I can do it, I think, from the perspective of how I was harmed and hurt, having had to accept this in my current therapy. Some of the energy in wanting to do this does come from anger. Can’t right the wrongs that were done to me in my own life – can’t right the wrongs that I did in the past, either. But the poor therapy contributed to the ways that I hurt other people without knowing it, I think. The therapists’ didn’t get me and I didn’t get that they were not helping and even hurting me, because of my numbed out, dissociated feelings.

It still gives me this freaked-out, “I was hurt and I didn’t even know it” kind of feeling. Don’t know if I could write effectively – I’m temperamentally more analytical than emotional so I might not be able to write in ways that connect with other people. But do you think it’s possible it might do some good? In my experience, expecting numbed-out people to evaluate the effectiveness of a therapy is not reasonable. It gets the therapists off the hook but hurts the clients.

So glad you are getting OK! What is PDNOS and DDNOS?

I have found writing to be very healing and helpful. I have found the more I write, the better I get, as with anything. I think as you write more, the emotional aspect will come if that is what you want.

The therapy world needs good advocates. I think there is no better advocate than someone who has "been there, done that." Blogging get's your word out there quicker than book, and it's a great way to start out. I think writing is a great idea, and I hope to be able to read your work soon!

DDNOS dissociative disorder not otherwise specified. Not sure what PNDOS is.

PDNOS = Personality Disorder not otherwise specified.

I've heard of it but never got that particular diagnosis. Then again, maybe my doctor just didn't get around to not specifying to me.

I do have what was called DDNOS and I can't get used to what mine is called since they re-mangled it in the DSM-5, but.. oh yeah, it's OSDD, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder. I guess I was upgraded.. from dissociative NOT otherwise specified, to SPECIFIED! Even though it's still just one of a few "others" that also didn't warrant their own manual entry. Specified but not special. Specific miscellaneous. But I digress.

Anyway, I'm sure that hearing about your insights about progressing through therapy for those disorders would be valuable to many. After all they are sort of misunderstood, when they are even understood at all. Really just a question of what value you think you will get out of it, figuring out how much time you want to devote to it, etc. But if you love to write and like to share, blogging can be great fun. (And plenty of bloggers fold their blogs into books down the road.)

I wouldn't worry about who won't be receptive to it, but only those who will. For instance, if you think it will be better received by well-intended therapists than anyone else, write it in that voice. Write to your core audience.

I'm sure there's better advice out there than mine though.

YES! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... please!

First, congratulations on your recovery! That's really exciting to hear that things are getting better for you. I'd actually LOVE to hear more about how you found an effective therapist to deal with your dissociative issues, at what point you knew that they would be helpful (i.e. was there an immediate difference compared to your past therapists, or did it take some time getting to know them), and any other hints you might be willing to share.

I think something like that could be incredibly helpful. I hope so anyway, because I agree with you, there is really an unfortunate number of therapists that don't know what they're doing and either can't recognize dissociative disorders (some don't believe in them, thus, don't see the symptoms) or just don't know how to treat it effectively.

About 15 years ago, I mentioned to my then-T (who I'd seen for a year, with no results), that I thought I might dissociate (I had just learned about dissociation online). His response was... "so, you mentioned the D-word.". He wouldn't say it, was freaked out by, and as it turns out, didn't believe in dissociative disorders (!). After a bit of back and forth, he found a specialist for me to do a consult with, who diagnosed me (either DDNOS or DID, the report is a little unclear). I was promptly kicked out of therapy, and the specialist couldn't see me either.

I had a terrible time then trying to find a therapist, and eventually quit therapy altogether to focus on stabilizing my life. I'm back in therapy, but I'm afraid that I might be replaying some of the old therapy tracks (my new T is super stable and has a ton of experience, but... doesn't know anything about dissociative disorders. Sigh.)

It's *so* freaking hard. And this... shouldn't even be the hard part.

So, I'd LOVE to see your blog. I'd probably ask my T to read stuff that was relevant to my experiences. And, if you had any interest at all, I'd love to share some of my experiences with an anonymous guest post (no worries if you're not interested in that!)

Thanks!

Many thanks. You brought up several good points I hadn't thought of. Much appreciated!!

OK a group blog! If there is such a thing.

I just LUCKED into finding my therapist. A friend in a support group had DID and thought, from what I had told her, that what was going on with my then-therapist didn't seem quite right. She suggested that I try to get an appointment with a specialist/consultant she knew about. The consultant agreed that it seemed I had dissociative issues and gave me the names of several other specialists who were taking new clients.

"NOS" is a bit of a cop-out isn't it?

Wow. You did get lucky. I'm sort of dying to know now if you're near me (I'm in the SE too) and saw the same specialist. My T screwed up by telling me that I could see the specialist (as a regular T), after the consultation, if we got along better. I *loved* the specialist, as she really seemed to understand what was going on and was able to explain things so much better than my T, but she wasn't accepting new clients. I'm still, 15 years later, a bit heart-broken about that.

She gave me referrals, but it was a bit of a mess. One was terrible and couldn't adapt to me at all, it was probably a bad match. One worked at my school's counseling center (all this happened as I was starting grad school - fun), but after one session, she told me that I "need long-term help, and the counseling center doesn't provide that". She also refused to see me at her private practice, go figure. One person (a different recommendation) was super defensive - it's a shame, because looking back, the way she described her approach might have actually been perfect for me. But, when I asked her what "phase oriented therapy" was (it was recommended to me by the specialist, but I had no clue what it entailed), she snapped back that she had been a therapist longer than I had been alive..

I landed with someone eventually and stuck it out for 3 years, but never really got to the point of diving in and doing therapy. It just didn't work for me. And, as I said, now that I'm picking therapy back up, my new T, who has some really wonderful traits, is not well versed in dissociation. So, I'm getting a lot of stuff like, "well, not remembering your childhood is perfectly normal!" - and am having trouble conveying the fragmented feeling of all of it.

Sorry for unloading on you! I'm just sort of excited to see someone who has maybe had a similar journey, and I really do think that writing about it could be enormously helpful. I wish... I don't know, I wish it were easier. Therapy is already hard, finding a therapist who is a good match, and doesn't think that dissociative disorders are totally made up (!) shouldn't be the hard part of getting better.

Thanks!

You're not unloading on me. Thanks for your encouragement. I sent you a PM with information about my location, but then I thought "maybe that person doesn't check their private messages much", I certainly don't sign on often unless I want to post something, so I just wanted you to know about it if you check back here.

I'm always interested in tales of productive therapy journeys. Write away...I'd be interested.