[qwertykeyboard]

Sometimes when I'm really depressed I call my T and he says "Anything I can do to help?" And it's a really nice thing to hear, but I'm not sure what I can say. What can he possibly do, especially over the phone? What am I allowed to ask him to do? Just wondering if anyone had any ideas here.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

Sometimes when I'm really depressed I call my T and he says "Anything I can do to help?" And it's a really nice thing to hear, but I'm not sure what I can say. What can he possibly do, especially over the phone? What am I allowed to ask him to do? Just wondering if anyone had any ideas here.

I get this question, too, and always answer "no" because I have no idea. So I'm interested in seeing what others say.

[NowhereUSA]

My T is DBT trained, so he falls back into giving me skills. When I've called him, instead of asking how he can help, he'll usually start by listening to what I'm feeling and then coaching me through how to handle the situation. I can't think of a time that didn't work and get me to a better state of mind or even feeling better.

[Ellahmae]

Interesting. I've never had T ask me this question. Honestly, I hope I don't. I count on her to know how to help me when I'm in distress if I knew what she could do I would tell her, but I don't that's why I call her/have her/am in therapy.

I think I might answer - you are helping by doing what you do.

My T has asked me the same question, and I don't know how to answer. I think sometimes just knowing he is there is enough for me.

[AllHeart]

If I can't answer that question, my T will offer up ideas like, "do you want to talk about it, should we work with that part, do you just want to sit together (in spirit), etc." Lately, just knowing T is there for me (in spirit, by email or phone) really helps me, but I need verbal or written reminders from her on that quite often.

[brillskep]

How would you feel about starting with what you know? You say it's nice to hear the question - do you feel like even the question is helping you? Personally I say things to my therapist such as ït's helping me that you ask". I know it can be difficult to be in contact with your specific needs especially when feeling overwhelmed by them or if others haven't asked or cared before. One thing I find useful is to imagine my reaction to certain things my therapist might do - such as listen to me, give me feedback / ideas, or whatever I can think of in that particular situation. I usually do this before deciding to call and it helps to wonder what it is I'm hoping to get out of our contact. In my experience needs tend to be quite related to the specific context.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T has asked me this and I didn't know what to say at the time. After I thought about it I told her that she is helping me by being there for me and listening to me. I told her all she needs to do is be there for me.

[Parva]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I get this question, too, and always answer "no" because I have no idea. So I'm interested in seeing what others say.

I'm learning to ask for what I need. It helps if I have in mind what I need, which means really looking inward to find out what/why I'm hurting. It's been hard, but I try to just be direct about what I need. When she asks, it's because she doesn't know exactly what's wrong or how to fix it. I used to get so mad at her when she asked that question, but now I know that she'll do anything to help. The more specific I can be, the more she can do.

I sometimes answer "no" as well, when both she and I know that I do need something from her. She used to let it pass, but now she pushes me to figure out what I need. Importantly, I can't remember a time that I asked for something in specific when she didn't do it for me or give it to me. Advice, a hug, a long talk on the phone, a short call to tell me she's still there.

So - my painfully won advice: Step one is to figure out what you need. Step two is to find the strength to ask directly for it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

My T is DBT trained, so he falls back into giving me skills. When I've called him, instead of asking how he can help, he'll usually start by listening to what I'm feeling and then coaching me through how to handle the situation. I can't think of a time that didn't work and get me to a better state of mind or even feeling better.

I wish my T did that

[Ellahmae]

This is why I don't ever expect my T to ask me the OP's original question because this is what she does. We don't practice DBT, just an eclectic collection of combined training's for what I need at the different stages I am in but she's very big on saying she's there and then doing precisely what you have said, Nowhere.

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

My T is DBT trained, so he falls back into giving me skills. When I've called him, instead of asking how he can help, he'll usually start by listening to what I'm feeling and then coaching me through how to handle the situation. I can't think of a time that didn't work and get me to a better state of mind or even feeling better.

[SarahSweden]

Personally I don´t like this question, it kind of provokes me as my view on this is that I can´t be both the person who seeks out for help AND the one who tells the T or other how to help.

If a T asked me this question I would perhaps wonder a bit if he/she doesn´t know how to help me, it sounds a bit unproffessional to me.

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

Sometimes when I'm really depressed I call my T and he says "Anything I can do to help?" And it's a really nice thing to hear, but I'm not sure what I can say. What can he possibly do, especially over the phone? What am I allowed to ask him to do? Just wondering if anyone had any ideas here.