[WrkNPrgress]

I'm putting anger in quotes because I'm not sure how to do this.

Long ... RANT.. Below.

I need to get in touch with my Anger apparently, or at least I'm getting that message from my Therapist. Personally I think I'm pretty good about Anger when I really need it. I have solid moments and I vent it well.

My homework is to write about my anger towards my dead parent. There are good reasons to be upset this this parent. She did mistreat us on occasion.

Thing is, I know all this. I've thought all this through for years. And No, I'm not 'angry' about it. I'm - sad and disappointed. It feels like getting angry at a hungry person for eating with their hands. There's just some things this parent did not know how to do. She did it poorly.I can see right past 'anger' every time because I also know WHY she did what she did, even though it was wrong. It's more tragic than anything else. Yes. It hurt us but ... what's the ****ing point of all this now?

NOW I am sitting here feeling my heartrate go up and my body tense and I'm trying to stir up anger at this person and I'm actually more mad about the fact that — I have to dig this emotion up artificially. The result is not some cathartic realization —*I'm just angry about being angry now. I don't like creating anger just to 'work through' some ******** -I'm already completely aware of. Yes, now I am pissed off. What's the ****ing point?

Now I feel gross. I feel toxic. I feel physically ****ing ill. This feeling is not productive. I want to be angry at my therapist. I want to ask her, what's the ****ing point of this? I mean really. .. That parent is DEAD. There's nowhere for all of this toxic energy to go.

And so ... again — I'm just led to a place of despair and sadness. Which is where I began over all of this. What's the point of getting angry in between?

If I need to 'work' on my anger - I don't really see the point in choosing a dead relative that I've come to terms with a long time ago. Why not vent at someone whose living and still affecting my life. Why not practice voicing anger at real life situations — where it's needed and ****ing appropriate and productive.

[NowhereUSA]

I don't know about dredging up anger. My T has told me that anger is often a secondary emotion and at least, for me, that tends to be true. If I'm angry, the question I have to ask myself is "Am I angry or am I hurt?" "Am I angry or am I frustrated at a situation?" Usually I'm experiencing another emotion and I'm using the anger to "deal" with it or to avoid it. Anger was a permitted emotion in my house and it got me the response I needed from my parents who pretended my depression did not exist. I realized later that I wasn't angry with my parents... I was hurt and that I could deal with that hurt differently.

That's not to say anger doesn't really happen, but if you find yourself having to dredge it up... maybe it's another emotion you have work through?

Sorry if that makes no sense. I have a toddler.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

I don't know about dredging up anger. My T has told me that anger is often a secondary emotion and at least, for me, that tends to be true. If I'm angry, the question I have to ask myself is "Am I angry or am I hurt?" "Am I angry or am I frustrated at a situation?" Usually I'm experiencing another emotion and I'm using the anger to "deal" with it or to avoid it. Anger was a permitted emotion in my house and it got me the response I needed from my parents who pretended my depression did not exist. I realized later that I wasn't angry with my parents... I was hurt and that I could deal with that hurt differently.

That's not to say anger doesn't really happen, but if you find yourself having to dredge it up... maybe it's another emotion you have work through?

Sorry if that makes no sense. I have a toddler.

And that's the thing. I feel like I'm already at that other emotion; hurt.
I get why I should be angry at this parent, but I feel like I'm past that and in full awareness of the heart of it all. Hurt & sadness and then empathy for them. It feels a bit like yelling at the clouds for raining. I feel like a lot of this crap they did just boils down this person's own childhood hurts, and the class system, etc they were born in to.

Our household didn't really allow Anger, it seems. We didn't get "angry" we didn't "argue" ... I was told. We bickered and we were depressed but no one talked about that. So I feel like I'm being told I should be angry in order not to internalize all the hurt that happened... Like Anger will help me get past my own self-loathing and depression. I can understand that but it's not coming to me organically.