[1stepatatime]

Hello to everyone in the forum. I have been in therapy for nearly 3 years. The T that I have has a great reputation, has helped many people and is a caring person. I don't believe that shes's in it just for the money. I'm not going to say horrible things about her, because she is far from that. Here is my dilemma and any input or insight is greatly appreciated! So I've been seeing my T for issues regarding sexual abuse as a child into my teen years, depression, deeply rooted anger/sadness towards my parents for not having protected me when they should have, probable emotional neglect when I was an infant. It is hard for me to tap into emotion, my T has been patient with me. .she has encouraged me to try body work but I'm often resistant, although I have tried a few things. She has encouraged me to express my sadness/anger and more importantly tried to help me to tap into it. It is EXTREMELY difficult for me to allow myself to feel these emotions largely due to being stifled as a child. She is majorly into bioenergetics and I'm just not always comfortable engaging in that kind of work. She never forces me though. I have always emailed her after every session because I need the continued connection...she always used to respond, with care and empathy . There is definitely transference towards her, maternal. She has always told me that she is here for me, that she is with me. But as of late she keeps her responses to a minimum, if she even responds. I know about the boundaries but emailing has always been okay with her, she has told me it is. Now I find myself feeling uncertain because she seems to feel emailing might not be good, I'm aware that therapy is not to be done via email but she has always been good with it, would even even tell me she was glad I told her things in email. I know I have insecurities and issues but I'm starting to wonder if it's all my stuff causing me to feel uncertain or am I accurate in my feelings that maybe she is getting tired of working with me, I wonder if she resents me because she does sliding scale with me and has been good enough to never ask me for more money per session, that maybe she wishes she could fill my 50 minutes with someone who can pay that 140.00 per therapeutic hour. These are honest thoughts /concerns that I'm having. I really respect and like my T but I would think after almost 3 years of working with her it would be different. Sometimes it feels like she's getting tired of me, again...my perception. I find myself feeling upset with her because I want more,some unrealistic and I know that is part of the work but to feel frustrated or sad,even mad....I don't know what to make of it. Maybe this is a part of the therapeutic journey towards a healthier life or is it a sign that we've gone as far as we possibility can in our alliance. ..I'm just not sure. ...feeling very conflicted.

[Leah123]

This is perfect material to share with her. I think talking it over will feel hard but be extremely worthwhile. Your feelings are valid. It's also important you get her perspective too to sort out your concerns and have the info you need from her to settle this. Just like any relationship concerns are bound to arise and working through them can actually really grow and deepen it.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Leah123

This is perfect material to share with her. I think talking it over will feel hard but be extremely worthwhile. Your feelings are valid. It's also important you get her perspective too to sort out your concerns and have the info you need from her to settle this. Just like any relationship concerns are bound to arise and working through them can actually really grow and deepen it.

Thank you. ..I agree that it would be very productive to talk about this with her but it would be very scary due to my abandonment issues, but I think I'm goung to try to muster the courage and bring up my concerns...thanks again

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have been feeling the same about my therapy. I have a wonderful therapist who has my best interest at heart and has done things above and beyond. The problem is she changed out of session contact. Now I am feeling at times that this is effecting my therapy because I am worried about other things changing. I have talked to her about it which has helped some. I would suggest you talk to your T about how this is effecting you.

3yrs is early still. Saying that. My T had never said one thing then changed her mind on that. The not saying a lot back is typical in psychoanalytic therapy. There's a lot going on in the silence, that for me was the hardest thing to come to understand.

[Soccer mom]

I had similar feelings about my ex T. I would tell her I felt like she was frustrated with me, etc. and she would always say it's the transference. But, I now don't think that was it. I think I can read people fairly well and I think our relationship was difficult.

It's taken me awhile to come to this point but I agree with ex T. and new T. that some therapists can only take you so far and then you need a different approach/person. I think I was supposed to go through the intense transference with ex T. but now it's time to experience someone the opposite of my mom to heal completely.

I think you will know what you need after you talk to her about your feelings. Most importantly, remember YOU know what you need.

[1stepatatime]

Words of wisdom, "you know what you need"...thank you for that. I'm going to see her tonight. It's going to be different because I'm going to talk about my concerns ;worrying all the time about how she feels about me, the fact that I'm not really feeling better and having said that I don't really know how long this will take, is this just a bump in the road or is it a sign that something needs to change? Whatever the case it needs to be discussed. I can no longer obsess about therapy...it literally is making me crazy! I'm hoping that we'll figure this out or at least I'll have more clarity. Thank you again!

[Soccer mom]

Therapy was making me crazy too!
The best thing I did was switch therapists. I hate to tell you that but my feelings were fueled by her incorrect handling of my transference.

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[1stepatatime]

[QUOTE=Soccer mom;4712243]Therapy was making me crazy too!
The best thing I did was switch therapists. I hate to tell you that but my feelings were fueled by her incorrect handling of my transference.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/QUOTEi
I had my session tonight and I'm feeling better. ..i I talked to her about how I was feeling, emailing, her responses, etc. I guess I'm learning that this is going to feel bad sometimes... I don't know if it's wrong or right...all I know it's it feels right at this moment, I have clarity regarding my issues that I had over the weekend so I guess I'll see what next week brings!