[Stava]

Hi all I'm new here. I've been having a particularly difficult time lately and have sought professional help.

So far I've seen three different therapists. I'm not sure what is usual or not for therapy sessions and hope to hear more about other's experiences.

I informed all the therapists that I have dissociation and trauma and CPTSD. I told them that I tend to have difficulty function from dissociating. The first therapist immediately pushed me to talk about trauma. I dissociated so extremely that I couldn't drive afterward. I just sat in my car for hours until I could drive. The second appointment I told him about the difficulty I had and told him that I didn't want to talk about trauma until I felt I had more tools in place and I felt safer. He kept asking me trauma questions and wanted me to talk about trauma.

Is this normal? Do therapists often keep pushing clients into talking about abuse immediately? Is this a therapeutic technique?

The third therapist I pre-screened. I asked her if she had experience with trauma survivors and dissociation. She said yes. I asked if she's able to be caring and compassionate toward trauma survivors and she said yes and shared some nice things. She seemed nice. The first visit went ok, she talked about dissociation.

During the second visit she became aggressive, impatient and frightening. She kept edging her chair closer to mine while getting louder and more scary. I was obviously uncomfortable and went into a protective stance but she kept doing it.

Then she said the abuse was my fault because I allowed it. Then she said that I wasn't abused, I just thought I was because I'm sensitive. I was full on dissociating and trying to survive at this point. Then she stood up and walked around the room a bit, then came and towered over me, with me cowering in the chair looking at the floor. Then she said that "it wasn't abuse, you're just too sensitive, right??" and made me agree because she was towering over me and leaning in closer to me.

Is this a technique?? I'm so traumatized right now. I thought therapy was supposed to be about creating a safe space and I'm so confused.

TL;DR How did you find a good therapist and what do you consider a good therapist?

[finding_my_way]

that is not okay for a therapist to do at all ever. a therapist is supposed to help you with your struggles and be a person you are able to trust. i don't agree that talking about trauma unless/until you are ready is okay for a therapist to push on a person either.

i would suggest not going back to that one and potentially even putting in a complaint as no doubt you aren't the first or only one that has happened to.

years ago, i saw a therapist who pushed me in ways that caused me to dissociate extremely as well as caused me to become suicidal (more than i was experiencing anyway). i didn't actually remember what happened in some of the sessions until i read some of my journal entries. one involved her talking to me in a baby voice, and she also told me i had demons in me. she was religious, and i had asked her to keep that out of it. i was so confused by it all that it took me months to stop seeing her...she actually tried to convince me she was helping me and to not stop seeing her (of course, because my parents were paying for the sessions).

i should have stopped after the first or second time because she was so harmful to me. i also should have put in a complaint.

there is no way a therapist should ever cause a person to feel unsafe or like their experience of trauma is their fault or is just them being sensitive or overreacting. that in itself is a type of abuse by re-traumatizing a person and completely minimizing their experience when they are seeking help for that very thing to begin with.

Hey Stava, So sorry you've experienced that - It sounds awful and desperately unprofessional on all counts! I agree that, especially with the last lady - you should put a complaint in. She's damaging people!

I didn't know what to expect from Therapy when I started it. But I've had everything that you expected, and in future I would not settle for anything less. Keep searching - and definitely don't go back to that last lady.

Wow, the third one sounds like something out of a horror movie. You certainly have grounds for a complaint, but first consider whether any complaints procedure would be retraumatising for you. You have to put yourself first.
There are good T's out there, but unfortunately sometimes finding one isn't as easy as it should be. If it's possible in your area, you could try looking for a T with specific experience/specialism in trauma plus lots of years in practice. I would also avoid CBT therapies and similar.
Good luck in your search - you deserve much, much better.

It sounds to me that you have chanced on some truly awful therapists to try out. It seems to me that therapy is a profession that needs a high level of skill and ability if the therapist is actually going to help someone and I think it's possible that the majority of therapists just don't have what it takes to really help.

I have had a first appoinment with 6 different T's. I think that the one I am seeing now really has something, which I felt from the start. She is really responsive and attuned to what I say and feel in a way that the others that I tried out just weren't. I think the only way to find a good T is to try out a few. I might advise steering clear of telling them anything about your trauma when you try them out, I know it's helpful to explain why you want to have therapy, but I think they don't really need to know that. I consider the first appoinment to be my chance to interview the T, and try out what it feels like talking to them.

For me a good T needs to have a kind of philosophy or way of being which is: 'I really genuinely like people, I respect and value difference, I really don't know how I can help someone, but I'm open to trying to figure out together with someone how us talking together could be helpful to them'.

[ruh roh]

Okay, well...that third one is bizarre and scary and completely about her not you. I can't even imagine what kind of technique that is, but from the effect it's had on you (as it would me), just stay away from that one.

The first one is like one I saw who caused a great deal of damage. Pushing like that is not helpful, but I didn't know that at the time. The one I see now takes things very slowly. She never pushes for information and if she suggests something that triggers me, she has me back off of it. It takes a lot more time this way, but it's safer and is actually having a better effect. I make slow progress, but it's perceptible.

The way I found this one was through a couple of friends who gave me the name of a therapist they'd talked about for years as being the best ever; well, I called that one and she was not taking any new clients, but she gave me three referrals (without even having seen her, she did that, which I think is pretty great), and one of those is the therapist I see now. I knew immediately that she would work great for me. None of that has changed, only gotten better.

Is there someone you know who you could ask for a referral from?

[Knittingismytherapy]

I would NOPE!!! my way out of there so fast heads would be spinning. This is not safe and not supportive and harmful instead of helpful.

In session one, I gave my T a list of topics that I would want to address, so he knew what was going to be on tap in the long haul (what? Me trying to scare someone off by how broken I am? Nooooo, never. Watch out for the puddle...the sarcasm is beyond dripping). And followed it up by saying "I don't know where to start, but the sexual abuse is not it; it's the only thing on the list that is off limits right now". He respected that. He even avoided questions about my anxiety that could brush up against the CSA, recognizing that it would take time for me to trust him. He was prepared to wait as long as I needed to bring it up.

Could you try something similar? Do you have other issues you could address to start with something less scary and develop a rapport with the T before starting on trauma work?
Wait. That was a stupid question. You DO have other things to discuss: the effect of the previous T's behaviours on you. That was NOT appropriate behaviour, especially from so called "trauma therapists". And how new T handles that discussion should give you a good idea about how he/she will handle your therapy.

Good luck

Originally Posted by Stava

Hi all I'm new here. I've been having a particularly difficult time lately and have sought professional help.

So far I've seen three different therapists. I'm not sure what is usual or not for therapy sessions and hope to hear more about other's experiences.

I informed all the therapists that I have dissociation and trauma and CPTSD. I told them that I tend to have difficulty function from dissociating. The first therapist immediately pushed me to talk about trauma. I dissociated so extremely that I couldn't drive afterward. I just sat in my car for hours until I could drive. The second appointment I told him about the difficulty I had and told him that I didn't want to talk about trauma until I felt I had more tools in place and I felt safer. He kept asking me trauma questions and wanted me to talk about trauma.

Is this normal? Do therapists often keep pushing clients into talking about abuse immediately? Is this a therapeutic technique?

The third therapist I pre-screened. I asked her if she had experience with trauma survivors and dissociation. She said yes. I asked if she's able to be caring and compassionate toward trauma survivors and she said yes and shared some nice things. She seemed nice. The first visit went ok, she talked about dissociation.

During the second visit she became aggressive, impatient and frightening. She kept edging her chair closer to mine while getting louder and more scary. I was obviously uncomfortable and went into a protective stance but she kept doing it.

Then she said the abuse was my fault because I allowed it. Then she said that I wasn't abused, I just thought I was because I'm sensitive. I was full on dissociating and trying to survive at this point. Then she stood up and walked around the room a bit, then came and towered over me, with me cowering in the chair looking at the floor. Then she said that "it wasn't abuse, you're just too sensitive, right??" and made me agree because she was towering over me and leaning in closer to me.

Is this a technique?? I'm so traumatized right now. I thought therapy was supposed to be about creating a safe space and I'm so confused.

TL;DR How did you find a good therapist and what do you consider a good therapist?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry you have had awful therapy experiences. It seems like on PC there are very few good therapist's out there. What your T did was not normal and is the worst therapeutic technique ever. Therapy is supposed to help you, not traumatize you. Welcome to PC. This is such a great place to get support and advice.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Stava]

Thank you so much, everyone. I'm crying as I read these.

[Stava]

Thanks for sharing with me, and for the suggestions on what to look for in a therapist. It feels nice to read what you've all written and I'm so grateful to you all.

After all I've been through it's sometimes difficult to remember there are nice people in the world. After the last appointment I've been feeling like it's futile to try to find someone to help me since it seems even therapists have a desire to traumatize me.

It gives me some hope to read that some of you have found caring professionals.

[Stava]

That makes me feel a bit better that it took 6 tries for you. I'll try to follow my intuition if I have a bad (or good) feeling about a person.

After the first therapist I didn't share any trauma details with the next two. When they asked details I said I'd only share that there was trauma at this point.

I like that philosophy, great thing to watch for in a therapeutic relationship.

[Stava]

oops, I meant that last post to be a direct reply to Brown Owl's post. Sorry about that, I'm new to forums and it may take me a bit to figure out how it all works.

<3 Much love to you all <3

[junkDNA]

i would search for a T that specializes in trauma... i feel like a lot of therapists think they know how to deal with clients that have trauma histories but really dont. my T describes himself as "trauma-informed".

[spring2014]

I wouldn't go back to this therapist at all if she pushes you to revisit your trauma. that is not normal counselor behavior at all. my therapist gave me time before she did any dual awareness exercises w me . she asked me if I was ready to revisit my past about what my dad did to me four years ago
.she told me whenever I'm ready it was my choice for me to revisit the past or not.







Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

After one good therapist, who left the state, I did what I thought was thorough investigatings of 3 on a list that T had given me. I am DID. Decided to be up front about it & inquire about their experience & philosophy dealing with the dx. One sounded so experienced. To quote her 5 years experience. We agreed to give it a six session trial. After the second session the police showed up at my door. They said they needed to take me to the hospital as my T was concerned about my welfare. I couldn't imagine why. I was working full time, was want the T herself had termed 'high functioning'. The officers talked to me for 2 hours. One had a close friend who was an abuse survivor & he actually explained some of what I was beginning to experience. They left. At 4 in the morning they returned & said the T was "raising hell" that they didn't take me in. So they had been ordered to drive me to the hospital 45 minutes away, wait for me to be evaluated by the psychiatrist. If he said hospitalization wasn't necessary, they would drive me home. Didn't seem I had much of a choice. But guess what? There is no Psychiatrist on duty at 4 in the morning. He wouldn't be in for 5 hours! So they wanted me to sign myself in. I said no I had a business to run. Poor officer called his boss to see if he was to sit there for 5 hours or take me home. We waited for 2 hours for a decision to be made. He took me home. After work the next day, I called the psychiatrist's office, found she had a late cancellation & went in. As I walked into the lobby, I heard two receptionists talking in the break room about how the P was so excited cuz she had her first real DID patient. And how important it was to show those people who was the boss by letting them know she had the power to confine them whenever she wanted. I drew the receptionists attention & told her to cancel all my appointments. Didn't return to therapy for years. Met a male nurse who worked at a private adult psy hospital & we became good friends at a bridge club. Months later I did the I have a friend thing & gave him a name. He laughed then seriously lowered his voice... this P frequently checked herself into the VIP 'safe room' on Friday night at his hospital. Then be checked out to do rounds Monday mornings. I thought that was ridiculous. That he was joking. But one Monday I waited to meet my friend to take him to pick up his care at repair. He invited me to come up for a cup of coffee as he was waiting for a dr. to release a patient. There was the P sitting in the 'safe room'. I really wish there was some organization AMA perhaps where we could review the experience of Psychiatrists. I know there still has to be that chemistry but experience & education is just as important IMHO.

[AnxiousGirl]

All of those sound scary. For me, when I first went to therapy (parents made me), the first session was sort of getting to know me and allowing me to ask my T any questions. The most pushing that happened in the first session was very minor about something in the past but just a touch base conversation about it. My T only started pushing me more over the past 2 - 3 weeks (I've been going for a year). Those sound very unprofessional. I think you should find a few and call them up and see what they say about it. It takes time to find the right therapist. Im so sorry about what you went through though.

[Stava]

That sounds so frightening. Thanks for sharing. You didn't deserve that, I'm so glad you were able to get away from that therapist!

Originally Posted by cavaliers

After one good therapist, who left the state, I did what I thought was thorough investigatings of 3 on a list that T had given me. I am DID. Decided to be up front about it & inquire about their experience & philosophy dealing with the dx. One sounded so experienced. To quote her 5 years experience. We agreed to give it a six session trial. After the second session the police showed up at my door. They said they needed to take me to the hospital as my T was concerned about my welfare. I couldn't imagine why. I was working full time, was want the T herself had termed 'high functioning'. The officers talked to me for 2 hours. One had a close friend who was an abuse survivor & he actually explained some of what I was beginning to experience. They left. At 4 in the morning they returned & said the T was "raising hell" that they didn't take me in. So they had been ordered to drive me to the hospital 45 minutes away, wait for me to be evaluated by the psychiatrist. If he said hospitalization wasn't necessary, they would drive me home. Didn't seem I had much of a choice. But guess what? There is no Psychiatrist on duty at 4 in the morning. He wouldn't be in for 5 hours! So they wanted me to sign myself in. I said no I had a business to run. Poor officer called his boss to see if he was to sit there for 5 hours or take me home. We waited for 2 hours for a decision to be made. He took me home. After work the next day, I called the psychiatrist's office, found she had a late cancellation & went in. As I walked into the lobby, I heard two receptionists talking in the break room about how the P was so excited cuz she had her first real DID patient. And how important it was to show those people who was the boss by letting them know she had the power to confine them whenever she wanted. I drew the receptionists attention & told her to cancel all my appointments. Didn't return to therapy for years. Met a male nurse who worked at a private adult psy hospital & we became good friends at a bridge club. Months later I did the I have a friend thing & gave him a name. He laughed then seriously lowered his voice... this P frequently checked herself into the VIP 'safe room' on Friday night at his hospital. Then be checked out to do rounds Monday mornings. I thought that was ridiculous. That he was joking. But one Monday I waited to meet my friend to take him to pick up his care at repair. He invited me to come up for a cup of coffee as he was waiting for a dr. to release a patient. There was the P sitting in the 'safe room'. I really wish there was some organization AMA perhaps where we could review the experience of Psychiatrists. I know there still has to be that chemistry but experience & education is just as important IMHO.

[Stava]

Thanks. I will definitely not be going back to her. I don't think I could make myself even if I tried. I was completely terrified.

When I feel a bit better I plan on writing her a letter about how unacceptable it is to treat an abuse/trauma survivor in that way.

I didn't share any details of trauma with the third therapist. I told her that I had trauma, but wasn't ready to talk about it. So even with no details she chose to tell me it was my fault and that I wasn't abused.