[ThingWithFeathers]

My t did this for the first time in 2 years. I could rationally see where she was coming from and what she meant in her comment, but I was left feeling hurt and misunderstood. We talked it over in the next session and, even though it was hard and I cried a little, she handled it well. She didn't apologise, which I respect, but acknowledged the affect it had on me and cleared up the misunderstanding. I feel that in exploring what she said and meant and examining my response to it was very useful. The whole experience was actually beneficial, despite the hurt I initially felt.

Have you experienced a small rupture like this? How did you and your t respond to it? What was the outcome and how did you feel about it?

[stopdog]

I have never had a situation like you describe that I thought was beneficial in any way. I also never saw it as particularly accidental on the part of the therapist. I think they are wilier than that.
I simply became a lot more cautious about what I told the woman and how I phrased what I do tell her.

[atisketatasket]

It wasn't something she said but one of them got way too into my personal space a few weeks back - she appeared to be trying to tickle me. I chewed her out, she apologized, we moved on. She could have not apologized, but she absolutely needed to promise not to do it again for me to continue with her.

[stopdog]

The therapist was trying to tickle you ? Good God how does that even come up?

[atisketatasket]

I had said something extremely snarky about a local VIP. She thought this was very funny. And then she lunged forward at me. She denied that she was trying to tickle me, in fairness, but that's what it looked like.

People - not just family or lovers - do sometimes randomly try to tickle me. I wish they would stop. They seem to think I need to laugh more. I certainly do not laugh more when being tickled.

[brillskep]

Yes, several times. Usually with jokes that I didn't find appropriate (not sexual or anything, they were just hurtful to me). Occasionally this has happened with things he said seriously too. But it wasn't beneficial to me, quite on the contrary, and I don't address the upset unless I have to in these cases of small misunderstandings.

Yes, it has happened. My T actually said something just this past week that hurt my feelings, but it was the truth. We haven't discussed it, and I'm not sure we will. I can't really get mad about it, because it needed to be said and it was a spot on observation. Sucks, but definitely made me think.

[JaneTennison1]

Yes she has. I disagreed and skipped the next session. She apologised the next time I saw her. Current T is only 3 sessions in. I don't think I'll keep going.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yes, a few times with both ex-T and current T. Normally, I don’t react right then. I go home and process everything and then realize what was said and how it makes me feel. Then I either email her telling her or I wait till the next session to address it. But I always address it. Usually she apologizes and then we talk it over.

[missbella]

Rude is rude, snide is snide, arrogance is arrogance. Being a therapist doesn't give them immunity.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes this has just recently happened with my current T that I started seeing when I was 16. I believe this was the first time. She said a few things in an email that really bothered me and I told her it bothered me. Our next session I brought it up and she apologized and said she did not mean for it to hurt me. It helped to talk about it in person.

[NowhereUSA]

Sure. I've seen my T for six and a half years. It hasn't happened often but idk, relationships are relationships. The most recent example that I can remember (because I have a terrible memory), we had a bad session. I felt like he couldn't focus and it really irritated me. That was probably a few months ago. I called my husband and cried about it after. He pointed out that he couldn't think of a time in which I'd ever expressed frustration or anger at my therapist and reminded me that sometimes we're all off our game.

So I let it slide, didn't ruminate on it, and next week things were fine.

Idk. I don't tend to hold onto things though. I know he's pissed me off before but I usually call him on it and he's apologized but I just remember generalities at this point that's how rare it happens.

If it were a frequent thing, he wouldn't be my T.

[divine1966]

I am so perplexed about therapist trying to tickle a client that I can't even read other posts. I thought I saw everything. Apparently not. I can't even wrap my mind around it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[PinkFlamingo99]

My ex (bad)therapist was horrible with her language and the way she said things. There were so many things she said to me that made me obsess about wtf she meant all week until I could ask her.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am so perplexed about therapist trying to tickle a client that I can't even read other posts. I thought I saw everything. Apparently not. I can't even wrap my mind around it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My therapist tickles me with some regularity. But for whatever reason it makes me feel really loved so it works for us. But I realize it's not for everyone.

[msxyz]

Ever? He does that almost every session.

Yeah, ex T has.

I said twice that I felt my family is dysfunctional, and both times, she said she disagreed and explicitly said "I don't think your family is dysfunctional."

I found it confusing and somewhat hurtful because she was also telling me that my family was physically abusive and emotionally neglectful.

I also told her how my siblings and I fought a lot, and that my parents allowed my older brother to beat us, as well as a couple of common place stories about parental rage which she felt was "horrible" (her word choice).

She said the words "abuse and neglect" - I even argued with her how I didn't have it "that bad" - and she said my family was abusive by "community and professional standards" in our country.

And yet, to her, my family isn't dysfunctional?

It's abusive, but not dysfunctional?

At our last session, before she went on maternity leave and transferred me to current T, I told her I felt angry and invalidated that she had told me "No, your family isn't dysfunctional."

She said she was sorry that I felt invalidated, and said she didn't even remember ever saying "your family isn't dysfunctional.".

Oh well.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

My therapist tickles me with some regularity. But for whatever reason it makes me feel really loved so it works for us. But I realize it's not for everyone.

If you like it then it's fine. It sounded as op was not happy with it at all. Like if somebody tickled me against my will, I'd probably had violent reaction and punched them and I am not a violent person. Lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you like it then it's fine. It sounded as op was not happy with it at all. Like if somebody tickled me against my will, I'd probably had violent reaction and punched them and I am not a violent person. Lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No the " without express permission and knowing person will feel loved and not weirded put or violated " part of op is messed up. The carefulness my T used in getting to that point was kind of hilarious.

[WrkNPrgress]

Posted about this recently. After giving it some time and discussing it with friends (who are in the profession), I've decided that I overreacted.

That overreaction itself is going to learn me something but I'm also going to have to own up to the fact that I was so upset... and figure out what she actually meant.

It's kind of a scary thought but I'm tired of spinning my wheels and if I want to get some real work done I'm gonna have to start digging in and get 'real' with my T. That includes talking to T directly and about stuff outside of my comfort zone.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T kind of did this today. I've been going through a rough time lately, and last week, p-doc made the recommendation that I go into a day program for a month instead of seeing her, T, and marriage counselor (MC). I freaked out a bit (hello, abandonment/rejection issues), talked with T about it, we figured out a self-care plan so I could avoid it, etc. But I was still feeling the rejection stuff. Yesterday, MC was explaining that them suggesting a higher level of care wasn't because they were angry or frustrated with me--it was because they cared about me. I've certainly done some things lately (late night texts and calls) that could have annoyed or frustrated them, so it was comforting to hear it was about them caring. I was thinking about it last night, and how it kind of felt like unconditional love, like I could do whatever, and they'd still be there for me.

Today, forgetting for a moment that T is a bit less...warm and fuzzy (in talking about emotions) than MC, I mentioned how I'd had this thought that it was like she and MC had unconditional love for me. And I didn't feel like I had that from my parents, so it was a good, healing feeling. Seeing the look on her face (not the smile I'd expected), I was like, "But maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'love'--and I know the T-client relationship is different than parents, like I pay you and stuff." And she was like, "Yes, the T--client relationship is different."

And I'm sure she just didn't want me to be misled or deepen any transference I had, but it kind of hurt. Like, I was thinking of it in a, "Wow, you really love/care about me, without conditions, and I trust that. Thank you. It feels good. Maybe feeling that can help heal some things with me from the past." But instead, she was more like, "Yeah...this isn't the same as that. I'm your T--it's different." It was like a bubble had burst, and I tried quickly to change to a different topic. She has also said in the past that T's aren't supposed to tell their clients that they love them, so maybe she was afraid that by agreeing with me she was admitting that? Even though I get a feeling of love from her, at least in the past 6 months or so. It was a warm and fuzzy feeling. But now I keep thinking about her reaction to what I said. It's probably a comment that would have gone over better with MC...

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

No the " without express permission and knowing person will feel loved and not weirded put or violated " part of op is messed up. The carefulness my T used in getting to that point was kind of hilarious.

Okay, I give. What would your therapist say is the therapeutic purpose of tickling you? Body issues? Connection?

Not being critical, and I'm glad it works for you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Okay, I give. What would your therapist say is the therapeutic purpose of tickling you? Body issues? Connection?

Not being critical, and I'm glad it works for you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Connection and working on my child hood trauma. Synopsis of my childhood--I'm a twin. Every day i'd be stripped naked, berated for being too fat ( even in preschool) , weighed and made fun of in front of my brothers still naked, my mom would grab my belly or skin and humiliate me, if I cried I got it worse or hit or she pretended I did not exist and would not acknowledge me
. Then when all this was done she'd snuggle and read to a nd tickle my brothers while I was banished for fatness.
I received so little kind touching from anyone I didn't KNOW I was ticklish til I was 15.
The juxtaposition of my humiliation and abuse with my twin getting all that love and affection forever made me feel that I was not human. I was deformed, too ugly too be loved. I had an eating disorder by the time I was 10 in part because my mom was making me throw up as a 5 year old. I still have my eating disorder 30 years later but it's getting better.
So one time we were talking about it and my T said "well ill give you snuggles" ( which she does)
And I was in a pissed off "you don't understand " mood and said " yeah? What about the tickles?"
And she said " we will figure that out"
And over a few years as we have done my trauma and inner child work we gradually established that I really DO love being tickled ( I do . My wife and friends do a lot of it. It makes me feel.human) and we established how to be certain I wasn't scared or flashbacking and when it would happen and I became able to ask for it.
And it's been tremendously healing. It makes me feel like a non disgusting non deformed human. When I feel too "fat" to even let her look at me tickles get me out of the shame. And the effort she has gone through to.try to appropriately use something she has never used before and likely never will again. Had a tremendous positive impact on our relationship.
Plus she says she loves to hear me laugh which is something my.mom used to say to my brother usually in the same breath that she said i.made her physically ill. I didn't tell.my T that. She came up with that on her own but it's one of my favorite things to hear....

ETA:
I have a rich meditative life including my inner child aka "little wolf" so it's a cycle. I get tickles from T. Then I'm feeling strong and Loved so little wolf gets tickles from me. Healing occurs.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

Connection and working on my child hood trauma.

That's really moving. Thank you for telling me.

[BayBrony]

Now I feel like a freak.....