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#1
Oct 08, 2015, 07:58 AM
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I know this is silly, but I keep going back to it. The other day T texted to tell me she was sick and couldn't make our appointment. Oddly, because we text quite often we forgo the the formalities, she addressed it with my first name and signed it with her name as well. Not really earth shattering, except she spelled my name wrong! And not really a typo, more like writing 'Kelley' instead of 'Kelly'.
I've been seeing her for almost 5 years and I have this really stuck in my craw! Often people will use the wrong version for me, and although it bugs me it's more of a momentary thing, just really a pet peeve, but I don't read a whole lot into it, except for T of course. Of course the logical signs sees plenty of understandable reasons for,the misspelling, but the emotionally side is swirling, yet again. Almost like I'm just looking for a reason to be mad with her, including her being sick and cancelling. When does the crazies ever stop?!
__________________
wheeler |
 kennyc
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 ShrinkPatient
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#2
Oct 08, 2015, 08:04 AM
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I have one of those names for which there are several acceptable spellings (actually both my first and last name are that way), so people (yes, people who've known me for years even) are forever spelling it wrong. It's just one of those things I don't give much thought or I'd forever be upset with someone.
Stay focused on the fact that your therapist took the time to communicate what was going on with her. That's a positive. |
| Trippin2.0, wheeler
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#3
Oct 08, 2015, 08:39 AM
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I'm terrible at name spelling when names have multiple spellings. Even if I've known someone for a decade, I have to go check how to spell it :-/
I also confuse people (is that weird to say?) - like the other day, I started talking to one of the facilitators of my old DBT group except I thought it was the facilitator of my most recent one not my older one from six years ago. SERIOUSLY. I sat in group for a year, interacted with this woman for a year and I confused the two of them and didn't realize until I was halfway through the conversation. I kept thinking, "She's acting weird for X" and then it wasn't until she referenced my older group that I was like "Oh. Oooooh. That's because I'm not talking to X. I'm talking to Y...." It was freaky. This is probably why I couldn't be a T. I'd confuse people even after working with them for a decade.
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It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed |
| Trippin2.0, unaluna, wheeler
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#4
Oct 08, 2015, 10:40 AM
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Yeah, like lolagrace, I have two hard to spell names. (You wouldn't think Atisket Atasket was THAT hard, but sheesh, some people...
 )I will say that in my experience people with genuinely difficult names hardly ever get upset over this, because for us it would be a huge waste of time and energy. It's a waste of energy for anyone unless somehow a misspelling gets onto an official document. You're probably upset because you have been seeing this woman for 5 years and think she should know better by now, since she knows a bunch of other intimate stuff about you. But consider: she's sick. She's probably not paying as much attention as usual. |
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#5
Oct 08, 2015, 10:44 AM
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Don't worry about it.....you wouldn't believe....or maybe you would....what people do to my name!
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Kenny A. Chaffin Art Gallery - Photo Gallery - Writing&Poetry "Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama |
| wheeler
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#6
Oct 08, 2015, 10:53 AM
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My name has a different spelling than the original. I get my name misspelled all the time. I also get it mispronounced. The sad thing is that my name is a common name and it still gets messed up. I will correct a person one time. After that, I give up.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
| wheeler
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#7
Oct 08, 2015, 11:04 AM
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It is not silly to be upset!
 You want to feel like your T remembers you and thinks you are important. Of course you would expect her to know your proper name after all these years. And perhaps adding to her being sick and cancelling, it feels even more important to be reassured that she cares about you. Your T will probably want to listen to your thoughts. Will you tell her what you wrote here? I am a good speller, but clumsy at typing and texting. Sometimes my finger slips and I don't realize the typo until the message is sent. Then I feel badly but it is too late. let's hope your T's mistake is just a silly misunderstanding!
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| Favorite Jeans, wheeler
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#8
Oct 08, 2015, 11:40 AM
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Our names are important. Using names properly is a sign of respect. I do believe what happened is different than someone you just met making an understandable error or someone you've known for a while making a typo.
In this case, you've been her client for five years. I would absolutely expect her to know and carefully use your name correctly. I would tell her how you feel. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel upset at all- remember- it's not like you just went and vandalized her office because of it- all you did was feel upset, there's not a thing wrong with that.... using names properly is the respectful thing to do. Of course she did not mean any harm, but... when we've known someone for five years... it can certainly be unintentionally hurtful nonetheless to have them mess up something important, and names are important. |
| Ellahmae, NowhereUSA, wheeler
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#9
Oct 08, 2015, 12:15 PM
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I don't think it is silly to be upset. It seems disrespectful on her part to spell your name wrong after meeting with you for five years. A therapist of all people should work extra hard to try to get these "details" correct. And I do have a name people have spelled wrong and pronounced wrong a lot. It probably wouldn't bother me if others spelled it wrong, but it would if my therapist did.
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| Ellahmae, Inner_Firefly, wheeler
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#10
Oct 08, 2015, 12:37 PM
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It could have been auto correct. My phone always changes the spelling on my husbands name.
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| eeyorestail, Ellahmae, Inner_Firefly, kennyc, NowhereUSA, Trippin2.0, wheeler
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#11
Oct 08, 2015, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
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| wheeler
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#12
Oct 08, 2015, 05:38 PM
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The first couple of times my T misspelled my name it really bugged me. Now I notice and celebrate only those times when he spelled it right! Otherwise, it's just not worth it to me to get angry. I have bigger fish to fry, after all!
  I would ask you what else does T do or say that makes you feel unnoticed/invisible? Is this feeling familiar? Does it remind you of any others in your past? Good luck to you!
__________________
 [/url] |
| kennyc, wheeler
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#13
Oct 08, 2015, 08:13 PM
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My phone autocorrects Marta to Martin. Also Len to Ken. It's irritating. It was probably that kind of error. Either that or she's not a visual language person and spelling just doesn't stay with her. I can keep track of who is Claire and who is Clare, Sarah and Sara, Chris and Chrys etc without any difficulty, but that kind of thing is really hard for some people.
All that said, I wouldn't love it either if my therapist spelled my name wrong. I want to think she knows me well enough to remember how my name is spelled. |
| Inner_Firefly, wheeler
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#14
Oct 09, 2015, 08:52 AM
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I once misspelled a gf's first name. She was like, "mine is the RIGHT way to spell it!!" Im afraid to even try now - it is a girls version of the baby Jesus' last name
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| Favorite Jeans
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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