Annoying T phrases

I find my T to not be annoying, which is a great feat for me She has only said this once or twice, nor do I think of it as a therapist-t term, but I HATE "It is what it is." WTF kind of sentence is that?!?

I had an old T who would, when I described a painful event that had just happened, say it was a "learning experience" that would help "build my character."

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I find "why would you want to know that?" terribly annoying, especially when it's in response to a question whose intent is reasonable and well expressed and deserves better than that kind of deflection. It seems to happen in an extremely kneejerk fashion though. Deflect, deflect, deflect! Before consideration is even given. I'd much prefer to hear something more honest like "let me think about how best to answer that" when that's what he actually needs to do.

This!

Mine also likes to ask "Is it (target behaviour) helpful?"

She also likes to ask "What has it (target behaviour) cost you?'

I always feel pressured to sound like a "good client" and say "No, it isn't working" and "No it isn't helpful". and say X behaviour has cost me something.

Hey monalissa...ummm,I know that you live across the pond ...but do we see the same therapist?? Mine says exactly the same to me. 🤔🤔. Lol

I wouldn't mind "Where do you feel it in your body" if he would explain what that could possibly reveal or say about me. He never explains.

"Action trumps Anxiety" seems to be said when I'm in the steepest stupor of unmotivated-ness like this



or that exercise is proven to help with depression

I would like to see something like this:

"I'll tell you, but first let's talk about why you think that's important."

Yes, my therapist does that. Not every time though, mostly after a break or when he knows he's screwed up in the past session(s) and I didn't actually want to come. I find it welcoming and helpful. I also say "thanks", even though in our culture one is usually expected to respond with a similar welcoming phrase to the one who was already there. I find that artificial so I don't say it to my therapist (I do in other contexts though).

I find all the other phrases that were written in this thread helpful. What annoys me is lack of attunement, lack of listening, and particularly how my therapists lately repeats his point of view 1,000 X without ever really considering mine. But the questions are helpful and after over five years of therapy I can clearly see their benefit and the progress I've made. I particularly feel connected with my body and emotions, for example, but then that didn't come as a result of just asking about feelings in my body. My therapist has told me from the beginning of therapy how he feels our therapeutic process emotionally and in his body, so I suppose I also had an example of what that can feel like and what that's about. I wonder if the therapists of people who are annoyed by this question have ever shared their own somatic experiences and if that might have helped.

"You'll get through this"
"You are a damn strong lady!"

Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have quote up on her board she feels the need to point each time we have are session

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Since I find it annoying and useless when the woman talks at all - I don't just have one phrase. The times she talks over my objection, I simply tune it out. I have no use for her empty meaningless phrases and I don't find her attuned.

I asked my t - with, i admit, kinda crazy eyes - how much more built can my character get? I think its as built as its gonna get. I dont need any more learning experiences. I need for people to start being nice to me!

"Take off your filters". She says that when I negatively interpret something she said. I hate it. If I could recognize these filters by myself, I would not be in therapy. I'm always confused about that. Otherwise, I love her and she is a great therapist. But the filter thing makes me nuts.

"I will if you will, T."

If I say "I don't know" she will almost always respond with "What don't you know?" It drove me crazy when I first started but I understood why she asked because I used to hold a lot back and she could tell.

My t is onto me now. When i say i don't know to her it almost always means i know but i don't wanna say so she has gotten craftier w her questions lol or i get the one raised eyebrow look. God i missed that while we did phone sessions. Yeah I'm weird!

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"You don't have to worry about anything, you can stop it"

When I say "I'm worried about..."

Ugh, isn't that in "Things not to say to be supportive" 101? It is literally my least favorite thing when someone says you can "stop" worry. Sometimes you just can't.

Was just reading up about this study for detecting a therapist's levels of empathy using speech recognition and language processing technology, and thought this part of the findings was particularly relevant to this thread:
Seems that feelings of annoyance around a therapist's use of some phrases can be pretty valid indicators, where their degree of engagement is concerned. The whole study is here; I thought that readers of this thread might find the full table of key phrases interesting:

"How anxious were you before coming to the session?" I just want to scream and run out of the room.

Not what he says but when he just sits there listening to me for long periods of time without verbal interaction from his end. I am aware this is part of the method but subjectively it does bother me. But at the same time, I am also aware that sometimes probably I do not allow or provide much interface for the kind of back-and-forth that I like better when I get overly self-absorbed and wander all over the map in speech with high speed.

I think my T has that book and his favourite is " Thanks for sharing "- but it's quite endearing and also '' let's sit with those feelings "( which I absolutely can't do ha ha! )

"What can I do right now that would be helpful?"

Today I replied "if I knew the answer to that I'd be way less miserable. You're the expert. Don't you know what to do?"

She laughed which was fine as I was being a smart ***.

"What do you think you should do about x?"

To which I usually reply " if I knew what to do I would not be in therapy would I?"

Usually if she uses therapy speak I make a smart *** remark in response. She tries to talk like a normal person to me

I once waited a T out. She spoke after fifteen minutes.

Hmmmm. If I were your T, I would ask, "What options have you considered?" Another approach is, "What would you advise a friend to do in that position?"

In my opinion, a good T should be able to ask the same question in a dozen different ways. Mere repetition doesn't do any good.