[Lemonpledge]

I wrote my new T a letter (email)and told her I didn't feel comfortable with her. That I also told her I felt uncomfortable in her office because it was cluttered and smelt musty. She never even brought up the email. I'm going to say, I don't feel comfortable with a female therapist and I think it should be my decision when I feel comfortable enough to see a female therapist. Not someone who just pawned me off on her. Meaning my old T. Plus my psychiatrist recommended I ask my old T to take me back and I emailed him and he has also ignored my email. How is one suppose to get mentally better if this is happening. I hate talking to my new T she sucks. And it is the only mental health facility that accepts my insurance. Don't know what to do

[unlockingsanity]

Perhaps you should try calling your old T and talking to your current T in person about the issues you are facing by working with her? It's easy for people to get busy and not check their email, or check it and forget to reply, or to even not get the email.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Perhaps you should try calling your old T and talking to your current T in person about the issues you are facing by working with her? It's easy for people to get busy and not check their email, or check it and forget to reply, or to even not get the email.

I'm sorry you haven't heard back...do they have a no-e-mail policy maybe? I'd try leaving a voicemail for both, assuming their have their own voicemails (as in, you can leave a message directly for them rather than via a receptionist).

I don't imagine either of them would be willing to discuss either issue via email. This needs at the least a phone call -- more likely, in person.

[Lemonpledge]

She usually brings up my emails in session. I've seen her 3times and that's what she usually does. As for him he originally said he couldn't help me but why not tell me up front instead of canceling so many times. I think it's more the that. He strung me on for six weeks. Why do that? It was also before I told him about the trauma I went through and then he said he couldn't help me with the trauma.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

She usually brings up my emails in session. I've seen her 3times and that's what she usually does.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

My T is the same - he usually brings up things that we've been discussing via email between sessions. He doesn't always do that though. We do bear some responsibility in bringing up issues we wish to discuss in therapy.

I'm sorry that they haven't responded in the way you had hoped. Do you think you could be more direct about it in person?

[Lemonpledge]

Lolagrace

My old therapist called me on the phone and broke up with me. I wish I could let you listen to the voicemail he left me. It started out with a hesitant hello and then my name. Almost as if he was thinking twice about breaking up with me. They have no email policy. My new t does not respond to emails as far as writing an email but had been discussing them in session.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Oh in my email I even told her I wanted to discuss, she brought up obsessions which I know is my problem but I'm tired of talking about them and her saying she knows how I feel. How can she when her office is a nasty mess and smells.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

Maybe it's time to look for a new T?

[Lauliza]

If the old T terminated I don't think there is anything you can do about it. Can you find a different male T? If they are insisting you see a female have they explained why?

[divine1966]

Why do you call termination a "break up"? What insurance do you have that only one facility takes it? I think if he terminated you can't force him to see you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Not trying to force him. I was doing what psychiatrist told me to do and I have straight medicaid most of them take Molina or other him plans.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

I'm sorry you haven't got a straight-on, honest explanation of why your former therapist feels that he can't work with you anymore--an in-person explanation. Getting terminated by phone or email really doesn't cut it. That said, I don't think you're going to get the closure you're looking through by sending your own emails. You've only seen your new therapist three times. You can cancel by email or call the office to cancel all future meetings, and you don't have to give a reason--just let her know that you didn't feel any connection and move on.

As for you ex-therapist, you posted that you talked about a trauma and he let you know that he wouldn't be able to work with you on that issue and recommended another therapist. Some therapists really don't feel comfortable treating trauma issues. Personally, I respect a therapist who recognizes their own limitations and refers a client on to another provider. There are too many therapists out there who advertise themselves as qualified to treat every issue under the sun! I get it that you connected with your old therapist and want to continue to work with him, but he's told you pretty clearly that he isn't qualified to treat you any more. He's helped you on your other issues and perhaps, as hard as it is to move on, you might need to look for a new therapist. There's no reason to continue to see the woman who sets off your anxiety with her smelly, untidy office. Leave her, but look for someone else. I hope you are successful in finding someone who meets your needs soon!

I also agree that you need to perhaps look at what's behind your "break-up" comment in regard to termination with your former therapist. Although our relationship with our therapists can feel very close and emotionally intimate, it really isn't a dating or love relationship. I don't like the term termination (sounds too death like LOL) but it also isn't a break-up in the sense of a love relationship, although it can DEFINITELY feel that way for some individuals, and it is intensely painful. Do you think it's possible that your ex-therapist referred you on because of a sense that there was erotic transference? Some therapists feel totally incapable of handling that situation and run the other way. That's unfortunate, but it does happen and it frequently causes a lot of upset, pain and emotional overwhelm due to feelings of abandonment.

[divine1966]

Didn't he say you crossed the line when you confessed romantic feelings for him? He is probably terrified of getting in trouble if he keeps seeing you. Is forget about him and look for someone who knows how to treat ED and OCD and substance abuse. I wi see if CBT would be good for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Didn't he say you crossed the line when you confessed romantic feelings for him? He is probably terrified of getting in trouble if he keeps seeing you. Is forget about him and look for someone who knows how to treat ED and OCD and substance abuse. I wi see if CBT would be good for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes in August he talked to me and said I crossed the line. I told him I liked him and when he told me I crossed the line I left it at that. There was no erotic transference on my part. In fact that same day I met my new friend. Told him about it at my next visit and that's when he was all insisting I only needed a friend and nothing more. This whole thing is just so strange for me.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Oh I don't have a substance abuse problem either. My main main problem is obsessions and the ED eating disorder is part of that ocd I feel it is anyways.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

I think he worried since he doesn't respond to your feelings you will use new friend as a rebound and it's bad for your mental health. He probably realizes he cannot help you. I would move on. It sounds bad all around

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Could be but my new friend and I have been together 4 months and we have only gotten as far as kissing and hugging no sexual contact and he's asked me to marry him even though I haven't answered yet. He's still been there for me. I really at this point don't care if I see my old t I just don't want my current woman t

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

I thought you were married according to a recent post. I'm confused.

[Lemonpledge]

I am married been separated for a long time

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

We have an 8 year old so we are civilized. We get along. He helps me as well because I've been physically sick.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Lemonpledge

I am married been separated for a long time

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

Does your friend know you are married? Seems strange proposing to a married woman even if separated.

I have a feeling that you really need to find proper therapist. Ask your pdoc for referral. OCD with ED and self- harm is a lot to handle. I think I already asked that before but have you tried CBT?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

Yes my friend knows I am married. For both of us that's one reason we haven't gone past kissing and my husband also has a girl friend. Divorce is expensive. And my pdoc sent me to where I am going and my old t is a cbt I believe. I know where I go they just got a new t about 2 months ago and he deals with a few things I see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks so might ask her about him. There is another place that takes my insurance but it is about 2 hours away and I can't drive that far I already drive an hour. When I see my pdoc he and I kind of have a little session. But he mostly asks all the questions and I mostly answer. He deals with that and is licensed. But I think he does it to be kind and to make sure I'm ok. He knows about my oding

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Since you are gay would dating a woman bring some peace to your life? Or no? It just sounds so overwhelming, everything you are dealing with. Husband, in love with your t and now new man . No proper t and no real help. I'd ask pdoc what to do with finding right t. The goal is to get
better

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lemonpledge]

It might I live in a small town. And I haven't been looking for anyone. My friend and I literally bumped into each other at Wal-Mart. I told him I was gay he happens to think I use that as an excuse not to actually fall in love with a man.
Also I am not now in love with my old t and honestly not really sure I was. What I mean is. He gave me attention I hadn't had in a long time and i think I was more in love with that, not actually.him.
I've had a super tough year, been sick had a few surgeries, had a TIA, also was assaulted by a physician, over dosed and was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis and POTS SYNDROME.

How am I supposed to even trust another therapist? When I was younger the one I saw for 6 plus years just left me hanging. Canceled my last session and never told me why and I never saw him again. I found out much later he retired but I felt empty and alone than my old t now, he tells me he can't help me but for six weeks he left me without anyone to talk to whole he toyed with me and canceled.
Then I get pawned off to a woman therapist when I told him that's not what I wanted.
Did he think that would rid my fear of a woman therapist if he just pushed me off on her like that.

Maybe what I need to do is call the center where I go and ask to speak to who is actually in charge of the therapists and have a talk with him or her. That's probably the only way I can get another male therapist.

Sent from my Z970 using Tapatalk