Facebook Friend Request from Therapist

Matty400 · Nov 17, 2015, 08:37 AM

I've been seeing my therapist weekly, and sometimes twice a week for about 3 years. Yesterday I got a friend request from him on Facebook. This isn't a page or profile for his practice, it's his personal profile.

Is this ok or appropriate? Or is this a serious boundary issue?

I've tried googling the issue, and it seems like the little information online about it, strongly frowns upon this. My therapist is really accessible to his clients- he allows clients to text, call, or email if needed between sessions, so I don't know if this is another way he connects with his clients...it's never come up.

I haven't accepted yet...not really sure what to do.

WrkNPrgress · Nov 17, 2015, 10:47 AM

First of all, it's possible he might have clicked the Friend request button on accident. I would follow up and ask him if he really meant to "Friend" you. I've been told that the Mobile version of FB has the Friend Request button very close to the profile icon. I've had several friend requests from people I don't know well at all but they saw my profile pic and clicked it on accident.

So I would ask him if he meant to do so.
If he says, yes, then Red Flag. YES. That is inappropriate. Clearly you feel somewhat uncomfortable about and that's for good reason.

He can't and shouldn't try to be your "friend." There are reasons for those real-life boundaries. Allowing clients to text and email is not the same as requesting to view their Facebook page. Your relationship should exist in the office, on YOUR terms. This is to provide a safe construct for you to work out your stuff. Period.

Can I ask if you have ever felt any other inappropriate vibes or had any conversations about boundaries before?

doogie · Nov 17, 2015, 10:50 AM

I was going to say what WrkNPrgress did - I wonder if the friending was an accident. If it wasn't an accident - yes, very inappropriate and shows a lack of boundaries and ethics on the part of the therapist. I would be very concerned. I would talk to your T about it, and hear his side, but I would think seriously about how safe you feel in the T relationship.

stopdog · Nov 17, 2015, 11:49 AM

I don't know how facebook works, but I would just ignore it and go on with my life. I would not want a therapist on anything personal of mine.

AnaWhitney · Nov 17, 2015, 01:24 PM

But even if this was an accident, what was this T doing creeping on his clients facebook page in the first place? Wouldn't he have had to go and look the client up to get anywhere near that friend request button?

BlessedRhiannon · Nov 17, 2015, 01:32 PM

It's also possible facebook was being bug-y. I've received some random friend requests lately and have also had people receive friend requests from me that I know I didn't send out.

Or, your T could have used the "find friends" option either intentionally or accidentally. This option takes all the email addresses in your contacts list and searches for facebook matches.

Personally, I'd say talk to your T about it. I bet it was an accident.

Nov 17, 2015, 01:40 PM

Facebook has weird ways of recommending friends that you don't seek out, and it is very easy to accidentally friend request someone without even realizing you've done it. I've also gotten friend requests from people I don't even know, even though I have my security settings locked down pretty tight.

I'd ask the T if it was intentionally sent. Hopefully it wasn't as that would not be appropriate unless this was a professional page of hers.

Kat605 · Nov 17, 2015, 01:42 PM

Hi.
I wouldn't call it a serious boundary issue in the skeme of things but I personally wouldn't accept the request. I had a therapist I was working with for a few years who ended up having very bad boundaries, self disclosed wildly I really think got emotional needs met through her clients. Anyway I was on her FB for awhile and it just got me more wound up that she'd post stuff about her dog dying and relationship issues things like that knowing her clients were on there. She had no filter as far as I could see for what was appropriate to discuss with her clients and what not. Don't get me started on the newsletter she would write monthly often using stories from her own and her son's life as the basis for articles, hence talking about her mother with althismers, her son being bullied, past trauma issues of hers ETC.
So obveously hopefully your therapist is not like that. But I would be careful.

Sarah1985 · Nov 17, 2015, 03:37 PM

I don't think it's a red flag or inappropriate. It's uncommon, but each therapist has their own boundaries. I'm friends with my regular doctor on Facebook. lol To each it's own. It's more about how it makes you feel.

wotchermuggle · Nov 17, 2015, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

But even if this was an accident, what was this T doing creeping on his clients facebook page in the first place? Wouldn't he have had to go and look the client up to get anywhere near that friend request button?

Can we really blame therapists for doing the same thing most of us do? Who hasn't looked online for info about their therapist?

wotchermuggle · Nov 17, 2015, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat605

Hi.
I wouldn't call it a serious boundary issue in the skeme of things but I personally wouldn't accept the request. I had a therapist I was working with for a few years who ended up having very bad boundaries, self disclosed wildly I really think got emotional needs met through her clients. Anyway I was on her FB for awhile and it just got me more wound up that she'd post stuff about her dog dying and relationship issues things like that knowing her clients were on there. She had no filter as far as I could see for what was appropriate to discuss with her clients and what not. Don't get me started on the newsletter she would write monthly often using stories from her own and her son's life as the basis for articles, hence talking about her mother with althismers, her son being bullied, past trauma issues of hers ETC.
So obveously hopefully your therapist is not like that. But I would be careful.

What a nightmare!

Nov 17, 2015, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Can we really blame therapists for doing the same thing most of us do?

Well, yes. They are the professionals and they learn in school what boundaries are appropriate to maintain with their clients.

healed84 · Nov 17, 2015, 04:48 PM

Have a conversation with your t about it before you make any decisions! Tell him if he made you feel uncomfortable and why and I am sure he will have an open and honest discussion with you about it.

Matty400 · Nov 17, 2015, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Can I ask if you have ever felt any other inappropriate vibes or had any conversations about boundaries before?

We've never had any discussions about boundaries. The only kind of weird feeling I've gotten is about the length of time of sessions. Usually they are 55 minutes, and he always wraps it up. The last month they have been going for about an hour and twenty minutes. This maybe happened one time in 3 years before this last month.

Matty400 · Nov 17, 2015, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't know how facebook works, but I would just ignore it and go on with my life. I would not want a therapist on anything personal of mine.

Honestly this was my gut instinct.

WanderingBark · Nov 17, 2015, 05:06 PM

I generally concur with what others have been saying here. Check to see if he really meant to friend you on facebook, if he did then that's crossing a line and you might want to consider changing therapists. If he friended you on accident, I don't think that's a huge deal, I facebook stalk my T quite often so I'd like to afford him the same luxury lol

wotchermuggle · Nov 17, 2015, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

Well, yes. They are the professionals and they learn in school what boundaries are appropriate to maintain with their clients.

I don't think it's fair to judge people Googling each other. Friend request, yeah, inappropriate, but Googling- I think not.

willowbrook · Nov 17, 2015, 05:55 PM

If your therapist has sent a friend request on purpose that is definitely inappropriate, but I'd talk to them about it first because there could be a perfectly innocent explanation. My Psychiatrist, his wife, and his brother constantly come up as friend suggestions on my Facebook profile, simply because we all have other Facebook friends in common. I'm sure it works both ways and he's probably gotten a friend suggestion for me. What if the same thing happened with your therapist and he clicked on the suggestion wondering why your name was coming up like that, and accidentally sent you a friend request instead. I don't use Facebook on mobile, but I suppose something like that might happen with different platform, or if, like someone else mentioned, Facebook was being a bit bug-y.

Jessica Hazlitt · Nov 17, 2015, 06:01 PM

It could be an innocent thing. A couple of months ago, totally out of the blue he asked why I started following him on twitter, I was confused. I have twitter but use it so rarely. When I got home I checked and sure enough I had him on there. Without even looking at his profile I un-followed him. Turns out a social media app update on my phone had merged all of my contacts and sent out requests left right and center. It took weeks to undo.

Just talk to him. I have my Ts professional page on my FB, but he keeps his personal one totally private. Even if he didn't I wouldn't add him. TMI!

Nov 17, 2015, 08:30 PM

Years ago my therapist said i could send her a friend request on facebook if i wanted. She asked me, she said she would have just sent me one, but she asked because maybe i would have a problem with seeing her family pictures and personal things on there, and didnt want to trigger me.
It was fine with me, so we have been facebook friends for a few years now. She had already looked up my page,but it didnt bother me because tons of people see my page anyway.

Bluesday · Nov 17, 2015, 09:02 PM

I don't get close or personal with any of my FB friends, so to me it would just be another way to communicate with the therapist. But to each their own.

BayBrony · Nov 18, 2015, 03:29 AM

I can't see that it's a huge boundary violation. That entirely depends on what you post. I am FB friends with a lot of my veterinary clients. All I post on my FB page is feel good pics of my dogs/horses, interesting veterinary articles, etc. Several of my friends who are doctors do the same. FB is a fairly superficial medium. If all he has on his FB is pictures of his favorite hobby or sports teams and such it's not a big deal

Nov 18, 2015, 10:16 AM

I wouldn't want to be friends with T on Facebook. He doesn't need to know what I share on social media, and seeing personal things on his page would weird me out.

eeyorestail · Nov 18, 2015, 10:24 AM

I would definitely side-eye a FB friend request from my therapist.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Salmon77 · Nov 18, 2015, 10:40 AM

FB isn't that personal to me, I have a lot of "friends" that are just casual or professional acquaintances. So I would not rule out FB contact with my T. Especially if it was a way to keep tabs or whatever after therapy was finished, that doesn't seem too weird to me.

That said, I would be very surprised if my T requested any kind of out-of-session contact, especially without discussing it first.

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