[Inner_Firefly]

T says she cancelled last minute because her boss required her to go to a meeting, to prevent someone from being evicted that day.

She explained that her new role meant she was mainly hired to be the program manager, and only carving out some time to see clients because she wanted to.

She apologized and said she had no choice but to cancel.

Now I feel like I should be grateful she is seeing me at all. Why did I complain about feeling forgotten? I should have trusted that she was doing her best.

[derekgraham78]

Way I see it, priority should be your patients. Unless there is immediate help needed based on the possibility of loss of life they should focus on their own patients before helping someone who is not a patient or their family. If they cannot put the wellbeing of their patients mental health first over another therapist's patients then they should not be seeing there own patients.
That's how I see it though
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[RedSun]

I agree, in a sense it shouldn't matter at all why she missed your appt. she did, and you felt missed, and rightly so.

[Permacultural]

Are you the same person that recently posted about your therapist being late to a few sessions and apologizing because of her "new role as manager"?

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Permacultural

Are you the same person that recently posted about your therapist being late to a few sessions and apologizing because of her "new role as manager"?

That really sucks! I wouldn't take it personally, even though I would probably feel exactly the same as you are. This stuff about "new role as manager", to me, is a sign that its time to find a new therapist. Maybe an indicator that her "new role as manager" is more important or more demanding and unpredictable than her "old role as therapist".
Hi Permacultural, Yes, Thank you for remembering! I appreciated your support. You are the best. I feel so confused and crazy.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by RedSun

I agree, in a sense it shouldn't matter at all why she missed your appt. she did, and you felt missed, and rightly so.

Thank you Red Sun. I appreciate your input. It helps to know I'm not crazy.

Originally Posted by derekgraham78

Way I see it, priority should be your patients. Unless there is immediate help needed based on the possibility of loss of life they should focus on their own patients before helping someone who is not a patient or their family. If they cannot put the wellbeing of their patients mental health first over another therapist's patients then they should not be seeing there own patients.
That's how I see it though
Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk

Thank you Derek, You are right, I appreciate your thoughtful reply, though I am still confused, am I expecting her to risk her job to please me? After all she has to do what her boss says to keep her job.

[derekgraham78]

If her job is too chaotic then she is doing a disservice to you and should be a 100% manager. The way I see it, if you can't do both equally well then focus on the one job that you can do best. Whether it is managing others or therapy etc

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[Pennster]

I think it's really healthy and important that you complained. If you hadn't said anything you wouldn't know what the source of the problem was, and you would have suffered with it alone. Giving her the feedback and the opportunity to apologize was much healthier for your relationship, and your well-being.

[JaneTennison1]

I think it's a good thing you raised it and also that you shouldn't feel guilty. Therapy is about your feelings, you don't have to worry about hurting hers

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

Thank you Red Sun. I appreciate your input. It helps to know I'm not crazy.

Thank you Derek, You are right, I appreciate your thoughtful reply, though I am still confused, am I expecting her to risk her job to please me? After all she has to do what her boss says to keep her job.

No it out aren't expecting her to.risk her job to.please you. You aren't a friend she is having coffee with. As a client you are the important job. Equally as important as any other.
I'm a veterinarian who does emergency work. I'm expected to be available at night/weekends for my clients. If I.got a night job and then couldn't show up.for emergencies because I had responsibilities with my other job my clients would be very rightly pissed off. When you are a care provider you need to.be available to.provide care as contracted
Like showing up.for appointments

If this is happening a lot your T is screwing up by not scheduling you at a day/time when her other job won't interfere. You aren't at fault. If this is happening a lot you have every right to.complain and expect her to arrange things so you aren't getting jerked around

She sounds completely unprofessional to me. I'm not even sure it was appropriate of her to share that much information with you. Sounds like she can't handle both jobs. It's NOT your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

She sounds completely unprofessional to me. I'm not even sure it was appropriate of her to share that much information with you. Sounds like she can't handle both jobs. It's NOT your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty.

Hi PuzzleBug, Thank you, I appreciate your supportive reply. I asked her to explain in detail, hoping to better understand her reasons and point of view. Perhaps this is just the situation and nobody's fault. I cannot imagine what she could have done instead.

Originally Posted by derekgraham78

If her job is too chaotic then she is doing a disservice to you and should be a 100% manager. The way I see it, if you can't do both equally well then focus on the one job that you can do best. Whether it is managing others or therapy etc

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk

Thank you Derek, your ideas make sense. You are right that she is probably having a hard time doing both. I will probably just accept whatever she can give, because our relationship is so important to me.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Pennster

I think it's really healthy and important that you complained. If you hadn't said anything you wouldn't know what the source of the problem was, and you would have suffered with it alone. Giving her the feedback and the opportunity to apologize was much healthier for your relationship, and your well-being.

Thank you Pennster, it is very comforting to hear your encouragement. I appreciate it! It makes me feel better

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I think it's a good thing you raised it and also that you shouldn't feel guilty. Therapy is about your feelings, you don't have to worry about hurting hers

Hi Jane, Thank you, I will try not to worry or feel guilty. You are right therapy is about the client. I appreciate your support so much.

Originally Posted by BayBrony

No it out aren't expecting her to.risk her job to.please you. You aren't a friend she is having coffee with. As a client you are the important job. Equally as important as any other.
I'm a veterinarian who does emergency work. I'm expected to be available at night/weekends for my clients. If I.got a night job and then couldn't show up.for emergencies because I had responsibilities with my other job my clients would be very rightly pissed off. When you are a care provider you need to.be available to.provide care as contracted
Like showing up.for appointments

If this is happening a lot your T is screwing up by not scheduling you at a day/time when her other job won't interfere. You aren't at fault. If this is happening a lot you have every right to.complain and expect her to arrange things so you aren't getting jerked around

BayBrony, you sound like a very responsible and punctual veterinarian. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It helps to hear your experience.

[Bill3]

What sort of scheduling related behavior would cause you to decide to find another T?

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What sort of scheduling related behavior would cause you to decide to find another T?

Hi Bill3, That's a great question, thank you for bringing it up. In theory I should stand up and assert what I will and won't accept, which I did. She understands, but in the end she cannot help what her role requires of her, so I may have to accept the possibility of future lateness and late cancellations.

At least she knows how I feel and will do her best to avoid it. I am very attached to her.

Thank you again for the thought provoking question.

I don't think her reason for canceling was valid. I think that when she had her appointment with you she should be unavailable for other meetings. She should have dealt with that problem at another time.

[Pennster]

I'm imagining if it was an eviction meeting it was possible it involved other agencies and she has no control over the time? If this is a new role she's just been put into, I imagine that these kinds of things will settle down shortly and she will regain control her own schedule- do you think that's likely, Inner Firefly?

[ruh roh]

I'm sorry you've been put in this situation by your therapist. The problem is, you like her, so you will accept whatever you can get. I wonder if this is the kind of message she would want you to get from therapy? It might be worth bringing it up to her that way so she can better understand the impact.

It's great that she's found a way to keep you on, so at least you know it's not a matter of her not wanting to see you, but surely she can see how putting you in a situation where you have to accept being bumped for higher priorities can be damaging if you're someone who tends to let others take advantage of you or if you feel you have to apologize for wanting basic things that you've paid for (you may not be...just putting that out there).

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Pennster

I'm imagining if it was an eviction meeting it was possible it involved other agencies and she has no control over the time? If this is a new role she's just been put into, I imagine that these kinds of things will settle down shortly and she will regain control her own schedule- do you think that's likely, Inner Firefly?

Pennster, thank you again, it helps to read your ideas here, let's hope you are right, and she will have more control over her schedule. T doesn't tell me these things in detail, I had to ask her...she tends to be a blank slate. I really appreciate you taking the time to help again.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I don't think her reason for canceling was valid. I think that when she had her appointment with you she should be unavailable for other meetings. She should have dealt with that problem at another time.

Thanks Brown Owl, you have a good point, I thought so too.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Mine runs a wholr hospital dept supervising like 10 interns and has never been more than 2 mins late. If she can't handle both, she shouldn't be doing both.

[kecanoe]

I'd say give it some time; give her a chance to figure things out. She may be in over her head, but she'll have to figure that out.
I would ask her to reschedule instead of canceling. And I would ask for her to give you a free session if she has to cancel last minute. You are giving up your time to be there, just like she is. Unless of course she doesn't charge for missed session.
I bet she has this stuff figured out within a month. It must be hard to go from seeing clients all the time to doing management.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm sorry you've been put in this situation by your therapist. The problem is, you like her, so you will accept whatever you can get. I wonder if this is the kind of message she would want you to get from therapy? It might be worth bringing it up to her that way so she can better understand the impact.

It's great that she's found a way to keep you on, so at least you know it's not a matter of her not wanting to see you, but surely she can see how putting you in a situation where you have to accept being bumped for higher priorities can be damaging if you're someone who tends to let others take advantage of you or if you feel you have to apologize for wanting basic things that you've paid for (you may not be...just putting that out there).

Hi Ruh Roh, I'm so glad to hear from you. Thank you for your excellent thoughts, and for your help in my other threads also.

You understand the problem super well, you are completely right, I am someone who tends to let others take advantage of me. Yes, her message feels like it's useless to be assertive because I still end up having to accept whatever I can get. (I tend to feel like this in other relationships, so it seems damaging that my therapist is doing it to me, too)

I did mention this to her, but she didn't give a direct answer, she only validated my feelings, but re-explained that she had no choice.

She was on time through the years. Only recently did she keep me waiting for 40 mins without warning; then a few weeks later cancelled 45 mins before session. But it seems she couldn't help it.

Thank you again for your thoughtful post

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I'd say give it some time; give her a chance to figure things out. She may be in over her head, but she'll have to figure that out.
I would ask her to reschedule instead of canceling. And I would ask for her to give you a free session if she has to cancel last minute. You are giving up your time to be there, just like she is. Unless of course she doesn't charge for missed session.
I bet she has this stuff figured out within a month. It must be hard to go from seeing clients all the time to doing management.

Hi Kecanoe, Your advice is very reassuring, and helps me to imagine where she is coming from. Yes, I hope that with time everything will become OK again. I did ask for a free session and she said yes! Thank you so much.

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Mine runs a wholr hospital dept supervising like 10 interns and has never been more than 2 mins late. If she can't handle both, she shouldn't be doing both.

Hi Pink Flamingo, your T sounds very punctual and professional. I'm very impressed. Thank you for your thoughts.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I don't get why she doesn't reschedule. Mine has called a FEW times and said she had things she absolutely had to attend, and can I come an hour later, or another day, etc. Just canceiling is hurtful.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I don't get why she doesn't reschedule. Mine has called a FEW times and said she had things she absolutely had to attend, and can I come an hour later, or another day, etc. Just canceiling is hurtful.

Sorry if I didn't explain better, she did reschedule on the same day she suddenly cancelled. So, I saw her again and that's when she explained why she had to suddenly cancel our previous session.